"No, you guys go ahead and surf, I'm working a puzzle!"
But don't think your Crossword Puzzle Cruise is all crossword puzzles... oh no. Stan Newman has all kinds of fun planned for you. You'll get to take part in puzzle solving exercises that you can do at home to help grow your brain. Why? Because right after that, it's back to the crossword puzzles, the center of all life and enjoyment! The curriculum at the Crossword University Cruise will include "Puzzles: 101" to help you learn from each puzzle you do, also "Tackling The Toughies," your personalized guide down the road to being really good at word puzzles.
Is she on vacation? It's impossible to tell.
As you sail through the Caribbean on the beautiful MS Statendam, you'll be excited to find out that not only can crossword puzzles be great for passing time while you're taking a dump, but the skills you've honed filling in all of those little white boxes can also be applied to "real-life puzzles." Sounds crazy right? Well, it probably is... but don't tell Stan that, he's watching.
Cost: $400 Per Day
The majesty of winter has a certain effect on people. It reminds us of Christmas and other fond memories. The Ice Hotel is the embodiment of this idea in building form. Just look at it, it's so beautiful. And ball numbingly cold.
The Ice Hotel is located just north of the Arctic Circle in Sweden. The latest incarnation (they've been building these since 1980) has 31 rooms, a main hall, a church and a bar. It's the pride of Sweden and the artists who lovingly sculpt it out of ice.
Having trouble picturing a structure made completely from snow and ice? Well, imagine that snowman you built last year, now imagine that it is living in a giant hotel made of ice. Got it now?
The average temperature in the Ice Hotel is 17 degrees and temperatures can drop down to negative 5 degrees at night outside its walls. Of course, that's all necessary because the whole thing is made out of fucking ice. And it all needs to stay frozen.
Wait a second! We think we've found the flaw in the whole "ice hotel" concept! The entire time you're in the hotel, whether it's high noon or the middle of the night, it's still going to be below fucking freezing. There is no heat, there are no fires and the toilet is a hundred feet away in a trailer. Is there any hope of getting laid in such a place?
"So, do you come here often, or just when you're ready for death?"
It's cold enough to make a solid block of ice out of any liquid you want to drink and cold enough to give you frostbite if you aren't properly dressed. Meaning a stay at the Ice Hotel could potentially kill you. But it's all good right? At least there's a bar!
Shoot Farm Animals with Rocket Launchers
Cost: $400 Per Day
Hold on, now. How did this wind up on a list of bad vacation ideas?
For the Rambo in all of us, Cambodia offers up a taste of awesomeness by allowing tourists to fire off heavy weaponry at barnyard animals. There are testimonials from tourists who found out that it's all about knowing who to ask.
A brief example of who not to ask.
Not unlike sitting down at a 24-hour diner, they were handed a price list. On the menu: machine guns like the AK-47, a variety of sub machine guns, hand guns and even hand grenades. All the weapons were refurbished and most likely used during the Vietnam War. Meaning that most of the weapons have probably killed before. Wanna do the same? Well, if you've got the money, you can do just about anything. And like all good patrons, our tourist asked about the "Special of the Day," which just happened to be a rocket launcher and a cow for $400 USD. "You get $200 back if you miss the cow" he was told.
Apparently Cambodia has had little to no tourist traffic in some time (we wonder: Why?) with one particular exception being the Killing Fields and their huge masses of human remains.
Enterprising locals figured tourists who've come to see fields filled with dead people would probably want to shoot things right? You know, since they're in the mood and all. Who doesn't get revved up about killing after hearing a bunch of genocide stories?
They're actually kinda beautiful, up close like this.
Not up for killing beef? Maybe you prefer white meat. No problem. Just grab a chicken. They're faster than cows, and less expensive at just $15 USD a piece.
For more worldly terrors, check out The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World. Or check out The 5 Most Terrifying Rites of Manhood from Around the World. And don't forget to visit Cracked.com's Top Picks to see what you're mother wouldn't want you to see.