For centuries, restaurants have been making the same fiscal error time and time again: serving delicious food at reasonable prices. Truly a recipe for fiduciary disaster. Here at least are eight restaurants that understand, to truly make a profit in the food business, you want to guarantee your patrons eat as little as possible, then get the hell out. It’s called “high turnover.” Ask an economist.
Are you suffering from a low sex drive? Lack confidence and virility? Love stuffing animal penises into your mouth? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, Guo-Li-Zhuang may just be the lunch spot for you. Or you may just be a pervert.
Assuming the former, you’ll get a blast and a half out of Guo-Li-Zhuang’s tasteful interior decoration, soothing ambient music, and kitchen full of cooked animal members. And when it comes to man-meat, Guo-Li-Zhuang just can’t be beat! They’ve got horse penis, goat penis, dog penis, pig penis, cock cock…why, they’ve got more penis than you can shake your dick at! (Dick shaking not recommended, as you risk losing your penis to another hungry customer).
All that and balls to boot! At Guo-Li-Zhuang, you can get any dick with testicles on the side; the way God intended. Would you like pig balls with a goat dick? Done. Dog penis with one horse ball and one rooster ball? Why the hell not? A big horse cock and two tiny chicken balls? Hilarious!
Or why not indulge yourself with the “man’s mighty meal,” a plate of three floppy dicks and eight—count ‘em eight!—swollen testicles, guaranteed to give you back your virility or send you screaming into the streets.
Guo-Li-Zhuang? More like Chow-On-Wang! Ordering sausage and eggs for breakfast just got a little more interesting.
For many Americans, eating rolls of raw fish can be a tough sell. But if you’re one of the thousands of open-minded Yanks who’ve fallen under the spell of sushi in recent years, then what better way to totally ruin it for yourself than eating it out of a dead person?
At Cannibalistic Sushi, an edible body is wheeled out to your family on a gurney, along with as much scotch as you need to disinfect your forks and convince yourself that this was a good idea. Then, it’s time to dig in! Whether you’re using chopsticks, a knife and fork, or your bare hands, one thing’s for certain: you’ll be feasting on the entrails of a human being.
The artisans at Cannibalistic Sushi have taken pains to ensure that the human body you are ripping into is as lifelike as possible. The sushi inside is shaped to resemble human organs, a red “blood sauce” is embedded in the skin layer so as to create realistic bleeding, and your corpse even has a set of papier maché genitals! It’s like your third grade arts and crafts project all over again.
If you’re an experienced cannibal, make sure to specify a male or female corpse when ordering, and show the other diners just how sophisticated your taste in human flesh is. And although eating at Cannibalistic Sushi may not quell the voices in your head that command you to kill and devour those around you, it will certainly shut them up for a day or two.
Confuse your inner psychopath by making a reservation at Cannibalistic Sushi today!
Not a restaurant in the true sense, Dinner In The Sky is more of a philosophy. The philosophy that if food tastes better outdoors, then it will taste even better than that suspended thirteen stories in the air.
By making a reservation, you can guarantee you and up to 21 guests the dining experience of an extremely bizarre lifetime. At the appointed date, a Belgian crane will come and hoist your table, seats, waiters and even an entertainer into the air for a two-hour meal. The food is exceptional, and the entertainment consists of a man on all fours clutching at the ground and weeping until you are once again lowered.
With Dinner In The Sky, you will truly experience all the labia-clenching terror that height has to offer. Your seats are groundless, leaving your legs dangling in the breeze, a testament to man’s refusal to not do crazy things that affront God. You are harnessed in however, so diners should be sure to evacuate their bowels before boarding, or else risk giving someone below the worst day of their lives.
At 130 feet in the air, depending on your location, you can expect wind, fog, rain, and low flying birds to add a healthy sense of atmos-fear to your meal. And if by chance a romantic thunderstorm should swell, rest assured that you are fastened to a 130 foot-tall metal rod.
Bon apetit!
For the love of God, GET DOWN! Ba-CHKOW! JESUS CHRIST! It’s…a turkey sub on French bread. But what’s that on the side?! GRENADES!!!!! Wa-BOOOOOOOMers! Grenades means potato wedges.
It’s that kind of playful double entendre that makes Buns and Guns the premiere Hezbollah-themed fast food chain in Lebanon. After a lengthy battle with competing chains Burgers and Lugers, Khomeini’s House of Schwarma and Fuck Israel!, Buns and Guns became known nationwide as the “home of the AK-47 Kalashnikov” which you may be perplexed to learn is a beef sandwich.
And at Buns and Guns, it’s not just the item names that get your adrenaline pumping. They’ve gone all out to provide a dining experience as akin as possible to fighting for your life on a bomb-scarred battlefield in the DMZ. Special touches include chefs sporting battle helmets, sandbags out front, and menu items like the “Claymore” pizza, topped with peppers, onions, mushrooms, olives, corn and tomato. Pull one of the gooey slices away and watch as vegetarian entrails slop off onto your camo tablecloth! KaBLOOEY!
Just don’t step on it!
And to make your dining experience all the more visceral, all Buns and Guns establishments play a continuous loop of rifle fire, mortar fire, and explosion sounds to eat by. And if any of the wait staff happen to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, who knows what kind of exciting outbursts that could elicit? It’s the only restaurant in Lebanon guaranteed to seamlessly integrate into your daily routine of being bombarded with mortar shells.
The motto says it all: “A Sandwich Can Kill You.” Drop in today to find out how!
If you’re still eating at Old Fashioned Toilet, you’re woefully behind the times, and let’s not even discuss Chamber Pot and The Outhouse. The fact is, today’s modern world demands a modern toilet—for sitting on while eating, for eating out of, for…actually that’s all the toilet uses we can really remember.
Thank heavens, then, that the Modern Toilet restaurant has seen fit to outfit their restaurant with only the most modern plastic lids, fuzzy seat covers, and fine ceramic bowls, and then filled those bowls with a hot steaming pile of soup. And all Modern Toilet restaurants are co-ed, so don’t fret; your hubby won’t miss watching you guzzle soup out of a urinal, head held low while drops of broth splatter onto your face.
And if the thought of eating a soup of yellow broth and chunks of cooked beef out of a toiled bowl seems less than appetizing to you, 
not to worry! Simply drop the soup into the toilet that is your seat, and flush it away.
Of course, the toilets aren’t functional, and a waiter will be along shortly to escort you off the premises. But at least you didn’t have to eat the shit soup! Instead, you can skip straight to dessert, a heaping helping of chocolate soft serve, fresh out of the bowl.
So go out and spread the word about Modern Toilet, if only because you don’t want a confused mall patron running in and pissing into your Chicken Curry.
If you’re anything like us Cracked writers, you can’t count the number of times you tried to cheer up a friend after a death in their family by surprising them with a trip to Chuck E. Cheese’s. And no matter how many times they run out of the building screaming, it never stops being funny. Luckily, most will forgive you if you present them with an eighty-ticket unbreakable comb you won playing skee-ball.
But if you’re not like us Cracked writers, you may want to mourn their recent loss at a place more befitting the occasion. Enter Eternity, the restaurant designed for people who have lost a loved one, and don’t want to move on any time soon.
The windowless, coffin-shaped café is also an ideal dining destination for those who would like to recall the dead, but live far from a cemetery and find their remembrances go well with a banana nut muffin, not to mention goth kids and weird loners.
The restaurant features funeral wreaths, white lilies on each table, and walls made of what appears to be black plastic, in case you happened to bury your mother in a garbage bag.
Although if that’s the case, we’ve got some grisly news for you involving wolves and dismemberment. In fact, you might want to sit down for this. Banana nut muffin?
This exclusive restaurant in Voltera, Italy has tables booked weeks in advance. In order to secure a table, you and your guests will need to call ahead, submit to full background checks, and, once on premises, the maitre d’ and his helpful staff will frisk you and take your cell phones and anything else they deem a risk.
Why the precautions? Is it because their chicken parmesan is so delicious, patrons have been known to storm the kitchen, threatening the life of the cook staff lest they reveal what Hell-demon they blew to get the recipe? Yes, but also because Fortezza Medicea is a maximum security prison.
Not only is it a prison, but the wait staff and cook staff are all convicted inmates. The head chef is doing life for murder, as is the piano player Bruno (Bruno will take no requests. Do not speak to or make eye contact with Bruno). 
The cooking is accomplished entirely with plastic utensils, for the safety of the customers, and added “casual” feel of the establishment. Why, dining at Fortezze Medicea is just like having a picnic! A picnic with the mafia!
But not to worry; while you eat, you will at all times be under the hawk-like gaze of 20 prison warders, just waiting for an inevitable violent escape attempt. Will you be taken hostage at (plastic) knife-point, used as a human shield by a convict, or simply gunned down in the cross fire? It all adds to the deliciousness of their signature red wine sauce.
Shanks, Fortezza Medicea, for proving that even killers-for-hire can make an alfredo sauce that’s to die for!
The last restaurant on our list is so exclusive, it doesn’t even have a name. To eat there costs between two to eight thousand dollars, and you must be a member (to qualify as a member, you must have a yearly income in excess of $175,000…well, in Yen). It’s a secretive, controversial club located underground in Tokyo’s fashionable Roppongi District. Where you have sex with your food.
Playing with your food has never been taken so literally. At the Roppongi club, you’ll get to make love to your choice of a chicken, dog, pig, or goat; male or female. At this point, unless you’ve overstepped your bounds, the animal is still alive, and presumably frisky.
Once the deed is done, you (and your family? Guests? We’re not really sure what you want to do here) retire to the dining area. In a matter of minutes, 
you are presented with a delicious meal of roasted whatever-animal-you-just-fucked. The restaurant is not forthcoming with many details, but one imagines, largely for the sake of one’s sanity, that the animal is cleaned out first.
Admittedly, this exclusive dining establishment is not for everyone, but if you’re a rich person who has literally exhausted every other human experience (remember, that includes injecting heroin into your eyeball), then why not top off your life of debauchery with a humped dog?
As one of the patrons (who wished to remain anonymous) stated, “the appeal of the place just came about because when people have got money and done everything else, they turn towards bestiality.”
We’re on to you, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, J.K. Rowling and Paul McCartney. Watch it.
When not writing for Cracked, Michael is eating cow penis in a sky prison as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
This entry was posted on Thursday, September 11th, 2008 at 7:00 am and is filed under Food, Gross, Restaurants, Uncategorized, Weird. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation, By Michael Swaim (Age 24)
The Funniest Comedic Failure in the History of YouTube
Hollywood Gives Up: Keanu Reeves to Play Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde
The 5 Most Likely Ways Humans Will Become Obsolete
Six Degrees of Su-Su-Sudio: Using Pandora as Musical Gaydar
Diary of a Rejected Peanuts Character
Adult I’m Talking To Clearly Just a Little Kid On a Talkboy
The Slightly Haunted Mansion Party Across The Street From The Significantly More Haunted Mansion Party
7 Great Occupations for Horribly Stupid People
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
November 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Great article. But I have my doubts about #1, do you know how long it takes to slaughter, butcher, prepare and cook an animal? You would be waiting forever to get your meal. Unless it isn’t the animal you just fucked, in which case, anyone into bestiality has no real reason to go there (just fuck your own dog, why pay thousands of dollars?).
October 27th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
#1 reminds me of the guy in Washington that died after having sex with a horse. Makes me wonder if EVERY country has sick bastards like that.
Awesome list, Swaim. You rule, dude!
October 27th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
all of these sounded awesome except #1, 3, and 8.
October 27th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
im not asian, so I don’t care…
October 17th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I’d do #6, 5 and 2.
I’m Asian and I find some of the comments here very close minded and racist.
October 13th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
http://www.brianmicklethwait.com/culture/DogWoman.jpg
Here.
October 13th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
@the chef:
Of course it isn’t real. O_o Where’d you learn biology?
That’s an art piece.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:15 am
holy lord is that last picture real?
September 27th, 2009 at 6:00 am
24/7 - 24×7 service…
Before virtualization technology on the Intel platform, (It has been around for YEARS in the IBM mainframe/ midrange world!) the prospect of setting up your own server cluster just to“ mess around” with things was an expensive endeavor. This is pre…
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:50 am
Just a bunch of urban legends.
September 19th, 2009 at 8:41 am
http://www.heartattackgrill.com/
September 16th, 2009 at 12:31 am
strangedaze this is japan we are talking about…
Trust me anything you hear, no matter HOW fucked up, if it happened in japan, it is probaly true.
September 15th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
I don’t believe #1, I mean fucking your food just has to be a healthcode violation.
September 10th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
well i’ll be dipped in shit and rolled in breadcrumbs, deep fried and served in a dirty ashtray.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
I would eat at Eternity. Seems like a good place for one night stands with goth chicks.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:16 am
i would eat at all of these places for the novelty…except for the very last one.
i was mildly amused by all of them until i got to #1. had to reread the first two paragraphs before i continued on with a sense of foreboding. =[
August 29th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
#2 scared me. #1 literally made my jaw drop. But GREAT article, it was really, really interesting :).
August 28th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Come think of it, #1 and #7 are not that different. But if I intended to fuck my food, I would go for something more eatable than a dog… what about a vegetarian option?? ——- no, wait, I know people already doing that xD
August 27th, 2009 at 9:15 am
#1 is gross !!! insane!!, brutal on some other bunch of adjectives i cannot believe people do that kind of stuff … this world is just crazy …
August 25th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
I thought these people where sane, then I saw 1. I think a person should do one or the other, but both is just sick!!!
August 23rd, 2009 at 6:21 pm
so many ignorant racists that comment here
August 4th, 2009 at 12:43 am
LOL!!!!!!! eating animals penis to increase virility? I don’t thin so. That’s totally gross
July 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
#1 is obviously fake, and people who says so other wise, you don’t know shit.
And you people who are racist fucks, shut the hell up.
and im planning to visit the Modern Toilet in October, when i go home ^^
p.s. and there’s another place where its almost seemlier to the Cannibal Sushi, is a bakery in Taiwan that the baking goods looks like human body parts. and its owner is studying to be a surgeon. So you know where he got the idea for his family’s bakery.
July 26th, 2009 at 2:21 am
I WAS EATING SUSHI WHEN I WAS READING IT O.o And some Pork -Pukes-
July 21st, 2009 at 11:49 pm
Asia is full of evil, fucked in the head backwards and silly, people. Nukehappy.
July 20th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
#7, #6, and #2: that is all.
July 13th, 2009 at 7:50 am
And #3….I also want to go to #3
July 13th, 2009 at 7:48 am
#7 is awesome! I would love to eat there.
July 5th, 2009 at 5:41 am
seriously, wtf is up with asia? I mean really.
July 5th, 2009 at 2:17 am
HOLY CRAP!
I lost my appetite. While I’m adventurous with food, I feel that it’s still should be within the bounds of normality. The modern toilet was actually fun as well as the dinner in the sky, but everything else (esp the bestiality and the friggin corpse meal) made my stomach churn like hell.
July 3rd, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Sweet mother of mercy…. the restaurants weren’t nearly as disrturbing as that dog-human thing. I don’t know what I would do if I saw that thing on my living room floor.
June 30th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Just when you think that the Japanese have acchieved the pinnacle of human creepiness, they find yet another way of out-doing themselves. I’d like to think that with the Japanese, half of the CRACKED staff would be laid off.
June 25th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Wow I will NEVER un-see this.
June 21st, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Holy shit.
I actually scratched my eyeballs out.
So thank you for that.
June 8th, 2009 at 7:10 am
oh my gosh! you HAVE to put in the HEART ATTACK GRILL!!
http://www.heartattackgrill.com/
its amazing..
May 19th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I wonder what you do on the dinner in the sky, if you have to go to the bathroom? 0.o
May 19th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
She found “the Modern Toilet” ONLINE???
What was she google searching?
May 11th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
You know, I’d eat at the Buns and Guns, Cannibal Sushi, Dinner in the Sky and Fortezza. I like em’.
May 10th, 2009 at 1:14 am
I lost it at ‘Penis Buffet’. That whole section was hilarious, particularly ‘They’ve got horse penis, goat penis, dog penis, pig penis, cock cock…why, they’ve got more penis than you can shake your dick at! (Dick shaking not recommended, as you risk losing your penis to another hungry customer).’ Awesome stuff.
April 26th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Dude.
Eternity is ballin’.
Can’t wait to go there.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:39 pm
What is with the picture that says, Do you see what happens? IS THAT REAL?
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I am totally doing Dinner in the Sky!
April 10th, 2009 at 2:36 am
[...] However now I have to add another to the list…..FUCKING STARVING TO DEATH FROM FEAR: IF YOU ARE EATING OR PLAN ON EATING AGAIN DON’T CLICK THIS [...]
April 4th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
That’s some freaky shit.
I’d totally try Dinner in the Sky and Modern Toilet, though.
March 30th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
I actully think the cannibal one would be fun…all the others…ummm
March 29th, 2009 at 8:29 am
[...] to Cracked these are the 8 most terrifying places to eat on the [...]
March 28th, 2009 at 3:06 am
The Modern Toilet, (in Taipei) really isn’t that weird (or terrifying?), and the food is actually pretty good…
March 27th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I wanna go to japan , japanese are cool …
March 27th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Well, I guess I’m off to boink my dog before turning him into a delicious stew that I will eat out of a human body shoved into a toilet at the local prison in the sky. Later, I’ll retire to my grenade-laden coffin and eat his chocolate-covered penis for dessert.
Finally, someone gets me.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
So you pork your food and then eat some pork?
March 27th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
…but does it taste like pork?
March 27th, 2009 at 10:59 am
…..*looks at a gun and puts it to my head* ok now this is going to far
March 27th, 2009 at 6:28 am
…
I’m so far beyond speechless, I don’t even have a term for it. I am scarred for life. holy shit.
March 27th, 2009 at 4:26 am
Buns and guns sounds kinda fun.
March 18th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Mmmm….I’m gonna go get an Egg Mcmuffin. Btw, check out the KFC in Stockton, CA. I don’t think cockroaches were intended to be one of the 11 secret spices….
March 12th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Holy… shite.
Wait.
#1…. really? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is one of the most awesome things i have ever read. In like a truly disgusting kind of way.
February 14th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Even if #1 does exist it DOESN’T mean ALL Japanese people participate in the practice of raping and their food before they eat it!
Do you really think bestiality doesn’t go on in the western world?!
Some of the attitudes of the commenters on this article are as frightening as some of the eating establishments mentioned!
January 29th, 2009 at 8:29 am
[...] Posted by IBrake4Rainbows NZ Lamb. Now infused with special Mint Creme Sauce. The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World | Cracked.com see #1. __________________ "When you’re canadian, and everyone hates you, and the reason [...]
January 18th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Isn’t #1 fake? I heard it doesn’t exist.
January 18th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
that picture on the bottom of #1 is so messed up
January 16th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I call shenanigans on the last one, it’s especially disgusting…I think I have to vomit now.
January 13th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
I’ll ‘take’ the pufferfish, if you please. Those lips…
January 13th, 2009 at 4:11 am
#1
Not too shabby…
January 12th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/cannibalistic-restaurant-japan-confuse-your-inner-psychopath-by-making-a-reservation-at-cannibalistic-sushi-today/3084638831/?icid=VIDURVTRV03
the description sounds very similar…
January 12th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
#6
“hey dude, can you pass me the sauce..?”
“yeah su-”
“AHH you’re an asshole, i bet you dropped that on purpose”
January 12th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I’m scarred fork life now. From now on, I’m growing my own organic garden and eat all my harvests.
December 25th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I always laugh at your articles. Please. Make love to me now.
December 23rd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
These are just down right disturbing…. especially the last one….
December 21st, 2008 at 10:40 am
Here is a link that discusses what happened to the writer.
http://www.debito.org/?p=1850
I feel bad for him on the one hand. But the stories he wrote/translated were usually of questionable accuracy. As he states below:
It does concern me that we resort to these stereotypes all the time,” he said. “Downtrodden salarymen, slutty schoolgirls, crazy housewives, corrupt old bosses and so on. And there have been times when I picked stories of questionable accuracy to write up. But by and large I’m presenting to the English-speaking world things that the Japanese are writing about themselves.”
December 21st, 2008 at 10:17 am
“Roppongi” restaurant doesn’t exist. I live in Tokyo. It was a fabricated story made up by a (magazine or newspaper) writer (I think Australian) whose job was to make up stories about Japan to titilate people overseas. The writer was fired. He claims his editor told him to write such stories a la The Enquirer.
This website makes me laugh a lot but I’ve noticed they aren’t very good at fact checking.
December 20th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Shitty soup. That is a great Kids In The Hall skit.
December 20th, 2008 at 3:03 am
“Why does the the top picture in 1# have to be a boy and his dog. WHY?!
But that’s messed up… to quote some random online sexperts, animals can’t give consent. That’s actually what bothers me the most. Eat them if you must, but don’t rape them.”
….what?
December 19th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Wow. Sex with animals is fucking SICK. God, I don’t know what the sick fucks were thinking when they came up with that.
December 19th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I find it sort of amusing that people have no problem with killing animals, or treating them in all sorts of horrible ways, but immediately freak out if someone has sex with them. It’s bizzare as hell to be sure, but I still take the heretic stance that it’s not inheritly immoral activity - anyone who has any experience with animals can tell when they like or dislike something; I don’t see why that wouldn’t work with sex. I wouldn’t want to see big advertisment of it in public, but what people do in private shouldn’t be a problem, as long as they don’t harm their pets.
But the idea of mixing sex with butchering goes beyond mere bizzare as hell; it’s also cruel as hell. It most defintely goes in the field of “harming”. Makes you wonder just how many kinds of sensations you have to go through before only eating your sex-partner can make you fell good…
December 19th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
oh yay. First rape and murder your victim then eat them. Genius. Anyone who could do that could probably do it to a person as well, maybe they are! Find the sex slave-murder-cannibal restaurant next, I bet it makes millions!
November 24th, 2008 at 1:39 am
if u were to ask any random jap on the streets of japan that u want to fuck them in the ass, they would all be willing
November 12th, 2008 at 2:52 am
#1 is fake
October 30th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Why does the the top picture in 1# have to be a boy and his dog. WHY?!
But that’s messed up… to quote some random online sexperts, animals can’t give consent. That’s actually what bothers me the most. Eat them if you must, but don’t rape them.
October 29th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I ate at Modern Toilet this year. Actually, it’s alright, not great. The food is typical Taiwanese fare, served in a plastic toilets. The toilets are unfortunately totally normal. And Taiwanese food is guaranteed to ensure you will never end up with a neat, ice cream-like shit - a brown broth is closer to the texture you end up with, if you are a westerner.
I think there’s a market for combining the Roppongi club with Modern Toilet - fuck your own shit and stuff it into your mouth afterwards. Nutritious.
October 27th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Wtf is up with the Japanese?????
October 24th, 2008 at 9:21 am
I’m positive that #1 is false. I live in Roppingi for 7 years..
Don’t make things up… Stop making stuff up.
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Responce to number one: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 am
“This article was great when I wrote it on 7/29/2008″
Except this one is well written and funny.
September 20th, 2008 at 7:51 am
they missed off my local chinese takeaway. its a family business, run by a husband and wife. one day they hired a young woman to help out, but the man started having some sweet and sour fun with her. when the wife found out about the affair, the girl left. weeks later, the girls head was found in the dustbin behind the shop. where was the rest of the body? you guessed it. in the food, chicken chow HUMAN!
true story!
September 19th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
[...] we dont need in SOMD
September 19th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Nice collection - I’m not hungry now. Just bookmarked this website at http://www.tutable.com
September 19th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World…
For centuries, restaurants have been making the same fiscal error time and time again: serving delicious food at reasonable prices. Truly a recipe for fiduciary disaster….
September 19th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
i think all these restaurants are great… its funny but i can totally dig the fact on how open the owners are….they rock…i love the buns and guns, etenity and the modern toilet…..hahahaha….some funny shit
September 18th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
number one made me remember something i’d totally blocked from memory, in the first faces of death movie there was a restaurant scene with happy asian (?) people eating a monkey’s brains which wouldnt be quite so disturbing if they didnt bring out a live monkey secure it in the stockade like table (head thru the center of the table and the rest below) and then they used little mallets to smash its head in while it shrieked and struggled in vain to escape or defend itself…..not sure which is worse fucking your dinner before you eat it or making a fun group activity out of smashing its skull in with tiny hammers while it screams for mercy and looks at you with its little human expressions as if to say why! why!
September 17th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
this may have been said but if the last entry is looking for a name how about ‘a feast with two backs’ ?
September 17th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
[...] The 8 most terrifying restaurants from around the world [...]
September 17th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Damn vegetarians:))
Let the poor hungry people eat what they want…
I am all for each and every one of the listed 8.
September 15th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
The pig appears to be supporting itself on its own legs (the girl being sufficiently tiny to permit this).
Too, Japanese animated girls run anywhere from three to thirteen times as strong as the ones we’ve got on our shores.
Just a theory, that.
September 15th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Wait a minute. Don’t pigs get up to hundreds of pounds in weight? Wouldn’t that poor, blue-haired Japanese cartoon girl likely be crushed? Are pigs gentle lovers? There’s just so much I don’t know about zoophilia.
September 15th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I’m sure the Modern Toilet diner has regular customers… Ahaha. Or maybe they aren’t regular, if they’ve got to sit on toilets for so long…
September 15th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
[...] the annals of the bizarre, we found a a list of 8 restaurants from around the world that are certain to keep your appetite to a minimum. Don’t read on if [...]
September 15th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
The sad thing is, that even if #1 was untrue…. we could all see Japanese people doing this.
September 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Number 1 and the number 8 made my skin crawl. This world is going to hell in a handbasket. Killing an animal to eat it is bad enough, but your going to rape it before hand truly is horrifying and repulsive.
September 15th, 2008 at 6:13 am
It’s “Volterra”, not “Voltera”, morons.
September 15th, 2008 at 1:11 am
re: Oddee- HA! Pwned.
For shame.
September 14th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
The dinner in the sky one looks pretty cool..
September 14th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Idea for Cracked feature: the 10 most plagiarized articles on the internet!
September 14th, 2008 at 9:26 am
“I still wonder why we haven’t nuked Japan again.” - MrMonkeyMan
wait… what?
September 14th, 2008 at 4:01 am
Hilarious article…I’m gonna go throw up now!
September 14th, 2008 at 3:44 am
asians are weird
September 14th, 2008 at 2:46 am
The most basic Google search will reveal dozens of articles on ‘weird’, ‘crazy’, ‘wacky’, etc restaurants and most of them share at least 3 or 4 of the same restaurants but that doesn’t make the authors of all articles bar the very first one an evil plagiarizer.
Last night I was showing this article to a couple of people and was thinking that I wouldn’t mind going to that restaurant in the sky place. Then I remembered how afraid I am carnival rides that take you up even half that hight and realised it wouldn’t be the best idea.
I’m not entirely sure how most of the restaurants on this list stay in business. I’ve heard that the penis thing is actually a delicacy in traditional Chinese culture so I sort of get that one but what about eating out of fake toilets? Surely they don’t have regular customers.
September 14th, 2008 at 2:40 am
Many people seem to have missed what Catzilla said and keep accusing Swaim of wrongdoings so I’m going to go right ahead and repost it:
“Oddee - If you wrote that article this year, does that mean you stole it from here?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/388320/the_weirdest_restaurants_in_the_world.html?cat=16
It’s a concept that’s been written about numerous times, because it never fails to intrigue us, or at the very least, creep us the hell out. Its a bit presumptuous to believe this author’s incredibly witty and comedic rendition was even remotely inspired by yours.”
September 14th, 2008 at 1:21 am
So 4 out of the 8 restaurants here are from Oddee’s site, and one’s a fake. Just making sure I got the count right…
September 13th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
nurupo, I shall google no such thing. First of hentai. Second off I have no idea what that other word is and am not interested in finding out.
September 13th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Planet-man, sorry but you ARE racist … learn geography and open-mindicity before speaking
jackass
September 13th, 2008 at 9:05 am
@ Planet-man
The penis restaurant is in Beijing. (that’s China, not Japan)
Modern Toilet is in Taipei. (that’s Taiwan, not Japan)
Cannibalistic Sushi is in Tokyo. (that’s Japan)
So let’s call you two thirds racist for now.
September 13th, 2008 at 3:58 am
What’s happening?! I tried to read #1, but all I can hear are a thousand screaming voices, and all I can see is red! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!
September 13th, 2008 at 3:30 am
This is all fake and no more than hoax. Please google ‘mainichi’ ‘hentai’
September 13th, 2008 at 12:57 am
I’m not racist. I’m really not. But what the fuck…. it barely even surprises me anymore. Would anyone here NOT have guessed that the ones that involve eating roasted penises or disecting and eating a makeshift human corpse or drinking diarrhea-coloured soup out of a toilet bowl or RAPING AN ANIMAL AND THEN EATING IT would all be in Japan?
September 13th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Has it occurred to anyone else that the reason Japan is so fucked in the head is BECAUSE we bombed them? Only place in the world to feel the wrath of the atomic bomb. All that radiation must’ve done SOMETHING to their heads… couple that with very little genetic variety (it’s big… but it’s STILL an island)….
We tested in Nevada and almost immediately someone thought it’d be a good idea to stick a land of debauchery in the middle of the desert. And which way was the fallout floating?… The midwest. (not to diss the bazillions of people that live there, but aren’t the most passionately fundamentalist Christian sects from that particular area??)
Somebody should look into this.
September 12th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Thank you for mentally scaring me forever on that last one, Michael.
September 12th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
How low has humanity come to, when some rich ppl want to f*** with an animal they are going to eat?!
September 12th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Excellent choice of sequel, Kingmonkey.
September 12th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Ha ha! A few of my co-workers caught a weird, freaky (female) co-worker coming out of the office bathroom with a BOX OF CRACKERS. The damn bathroom is right by her office…WTF?So, she doesn’t even need the modern toilet restaurant….any toilet IS her restaurant. Trust me, if you saw this woman, you’d have nightmares of her on the toilet with her snack. OMFG.
September 12th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
‘Cause a miniscule platform does not, in the inestimable opinion of Michael Swaim, qualify as ground.
Or something.
Maybe he’s speaking from an electrician’s standpoint?
Or stating that they (the chairs) don’t have a leg to stand on?
I’m grasping at straws here — and, in retrospect, making some really stupid puns.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
How do you figger the seats at Dinner in the Sky are groundless when you have a photo showing a place to rest your feet? That’s really lazy work, CRACKED.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
So, I wonder about the validity and accuracy of number 1. Rumor has it it MAY be false. Also, I wonder where Swaim got his content for this article. Bet it’s Plagiarism.
But on a more serious note, Swaim just invented a new Douchbag Magnet. Just look at its efficacy.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I’m taking notes.
September 12th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Wow, I loved the dude at the end of the modern toilet video. “We’ve never eaten on toilets before, even at home.”
September 12th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
The last one is hideous and creepy.
September 12th, 2008 at 11:00 am
You could use the penis restaurant as a test for potential girlfriends (boyfriends if you’re gay). If they are too squeamish to eat there, you can guess they may not be into oral sex. If they are cool with it, they will have fun with you (if you know what I mean, nudge nudge). If they voraciously tear into those penises with animalistic bites, you may want to politely decline if they should offer you a blowjob.
September 12th, 2008 at 10:16 am
For the penis menu….well it’s meat similar to sausage….it is all in the mind…! Its not the penis or balls food that make great sex….
September 12th, 2008 at 9:14 am
pdxtran, that’s something completely separate, called nyotaimori.
Fake or not, though, it’s certainly telling how readily believable anything becomes when Japan is mentioned.
September 12th, 2008 at 8:53 am
#7 is a fake as well. There is a restaurant where you eat FISH sashimi off a LIVE person, so it would have been laughably easy to Photo Shop.
September 12th, 2008 at 8:47 am
“This article was great when I wrote it on 7/29/2008″
That’s absurd - people are such effing slackers. I’d probably demand they take it down if I were you.
September 12th, 2008 at 8:34 am
[...] Crack.com’s 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants. [...]
September 12th, 2008 at 8:10 am
that last picture has given me the FEAR! forever
September 12th, 2008 at 6:00 am
OMG SWAIM!!!!!11!
u r so dumb numba 1 is not reel! i cant believe u copied off that otha person!! they were the only person ever before to notice sum countries have resturants that r werid and you copied them!!! *insert racist comment about the Japanese here*
I wanted to feel like a part of the crowd
Funnily enough it took me about four times longer to type that with bad grammar then it would have just to type it out normally. Craziness!
@ Kingmonkey. I was eagerly awaiting the release of Kingmonkey 4 but it never came. I’m confused, have you decided to go with a prequel now?
September 12th, 2008 at 5:28 am
There’s no evidence on No.1. The funny thing is that the article in Mainichi said that an American blog had made up terrible things about Japan, which it reassured people were totally untrue. People think they can say anything about Japan and it’ll stick.
September 12th, 2008 at 5:21 am
totally I meant.
September 12th, 2008 at 5:19 am
The real sad thing is the “Roppongi” has enough ring of truth to it that some people are inclined to believe it.
“I think that detonating nuclear devices in Japan is comedy gold.”
So did Pres, Truman after he ordered the bomb dropped he just laaauuuughed and even harder when he dropped the second one.
“And strange to know so many commentators still live in the WW2/Vietnam era, probably call asians “gooks” and sleep with their guns, worrying about anyone with a beard or dark skin.”
What remarkable insight you have the day after the anniversary of 9/11. The fear of men with beards and dark skin is totatlly unfounded.
September 12th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Like ozzies, americans or European farmers don’t fuck the goats they then milk and slaughter for a family meal. Its been done to death throughout the world - the jokes must come from somewhere.
And strange to know so many commentators still live in the WW2/Vietnam era, probably call asians “gooks” and sleep with their guns, worrying about anyone with a beard or dark skin.
Get out of your narrow sedentary mindscapes and see a bit of the world or summin - and no the internet doesn’t count as travel.
And this site rocks but is, by definition, not to be taken seriously.
September 12th, 2008 at 4:15 am
Will the last resturaunt allow me to fuck a plant and then eat it, or does the entree require a heartbeat and birth canal? I could really really go for some penis fly trap about now…
September 12th, 2008 at 3:19 am
I’m outraged because a fringe minority of Japanese perverts are eating animals after sexually assaulting them (as opposed to America, where the fringe minority of perverts just sexually assault the animals and leave well enough alone). You see, since my chief news source is Cracked.com, I basically live in a fantasy world. Also, I think that detonating nuclear devices in Japan is comedy gold.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:14 am
ho
lee
crap.
…um, wins news of the day/best article since…i don’t know when…
September 12th, 2008 at 2:08 am
[...] Een penis of een drol op je bord, het bestaat echt. De 8 meest angstaanjagende restaurants. [...]
September 12th, 2008 at 1:54 am
#1 is NOT true.
It was originally published by Mainchini daily news where they later admitted that they just took tabloid stories and published them as true.
September 12th, 2008 at 1:21 am
The Roppongi Restaurant is an urban legend. It spread when an idiot American tabloid newspaper mistranslated a witty piece of literary satire. And then it got out of hand when more idiot blogs repeated the mistake to feed the “weird Japan” interest.
Neojaponisme debunked it a long time ago.
Cracked is LAME.
September 12th, 2008 at 12:51 am
hmm.. indeed. that’s pretty blatant content theft.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Wow nice move swaim. You mother fucking thief.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
This is urban legend though it knows a former article. In a word, similar kind of story to apparition and ghost. It isn’t foolish to believe and to carry such an article!
September 11th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
wow, i thought eating at a place where transsexuals give you lap dances was odd…..
September 11th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
[...] The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants In The World (cracked) [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
isn’t modern toilet just round the corner from lemonade, south of “milk, milk”?
September 11th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
(Never mind that last sentence. I didn’t see Swaim’s earlier response to Oddee Guy.)
September 11th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
#1 reeks to high heaven of urban legend. Even more than the whole “dumb Nips think sheep are poodles” story that was duping stupid whitemen not long ago. Not a bad article to that point, though it does look largely ripped off from the Oddee guy’s article.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I’ve read about freaky restaraunts before but no one managed to make it this funny to read.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
[...] » The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World | Cracked.com (tags: food) [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Yeah, Swaim… if there’s one thing we demand here at Cracked, it’s accurate, and 100% verified articles. We aren’t just going to take your word for it when you tell us which Smurfs are underrated; damn it, we want your sources. Ideally, a bibliography should appear at the end of each article.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
@Gliscameria: That’s the work of sculptor Patricia Piccinini. If she’s not working in the Hollywood special fx industry… well, she should be! http://www.patriciapiccinini.net/wearefamily/index.php
September 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
> #1.“Roppongi”
You believed that? You are such a kid.
http://www8.atwiki.jp/mainichi-matome/?cmd=word&word=restaurant&type=normal&page=The%20Cook%2C%20the%20Beast%2C%20the%20Vice%20and%20its%20Lover
September 11th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
That was brilliant. I rarely laugh out loud but this was just brilliant.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Shame on cracked.com. Number 1 is not true!
Number 1 is based on an article posted on Mainichi newspaper English version, which caused a scandalous earlier this year for posting slanderous inaccurate articles about Japan. “Roppongi club that have sex with animals” is based on that article. As a proof, it is an “underground club” that cannot be searched by google.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
For the last time the Japanese Cannibal restaurant is a hoax, and a rather mean spirited one at that. Though my argument would be more reliable if I could find the link where I read this, but this list doesn’t even provide links so I guess I am in the clear. Anyway the pictures of this so called eatery appeared on the internet a few years back on a Taiwanese website taking the piss out of their former occupiers the Japanese. Anyone who has tried researching this restaurant, or tried to dine there while in Japan, find that it simply doesn’t exist. All you will find are same of pictures of the people sitting around the fake body on site like this talking about strange restaurants from around the world. And if you look closely at the photo you see that it looks an awful lot like someones dining room and not a themed restaurant, I mean where is the cannibal decor? So all in all IT IS A BUNCH OF TAIWANESE KIDS TAKING THE PISS OUT OF JAPAN!
September 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
>almost would have expected it
You are so, so naive to only go this far.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
on further inspection, it seems like oddee’s entire site is exactly like cracked but with a geocities layout.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Oh burn they totally stole it
September 11th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
There need to be more cannibalistic sushi restaurants. That’s a dream come true.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Okay, this is the most fucked up article on this site yet.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Remind me to NEVER, never go to another country ever again. Bunch of f—in’ subhumans.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
#1 made me want to vomit.
It also made me want to seek out and murder the creators of that horrendous place as well as every employee and customer that has ever been there.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
at last! something to do with all my extra cash.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
@ Marcus The correct nomenclature of the AK-47 is AK-47, as AK is the make or type of the weapon and 47 is the model number. So no, AK is not redundant.
@ Swaim what the hell are you filming in the second to last picture and why don’t you have clothes on?
September 11th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Why is Arby’s not on this list? At least with #1 it’s you rather than some stranger making sweaty beastie love with your meal.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
i was at first shocked at #1 until i saw that it was in Japan. then it was no surprise at all and i almost would have expected it.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I wish there was a restaurant where they held Japanese in large tanks. Then you picked one you liked, fuck it, and then they serve it to you on a plate…
September 11th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
[...] 8 restaurantes planejados para acabar com seu apetite, via Cracked.com, mas o Odde diz que é plágio desse texto deles (ambos em inglês) [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Also, Автомат Калашникова (AVTOMAT KALASHNIKOVA). If you’re going to grammar Nazi a restaurant you don’t even know, try getting your Russian down first.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I think I’m gonna call shenanigans on this one unless he can prove he didn’t get it from Oddee.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Saying ak-47 kalashnikov is redundant because the “k” in ak-47 stands for Kalashnikov. It’s an Andrei Kalashnikov 47.
September 11th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
regarding #1… wouldn’t it be nice to time travel and have your way with a dinosaur species before eating it?
September 11th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Dear God… (the JAPANESE - again…)
September 11th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
you guys should have testicle festival, Billings? i think Montana.
I accidentally came across the place in the middle of nowhere montana when we needed to get off the highway for gas.
Case you didnt guess Testicle festival is famouse for their cow balls and there annual hairy chest and wet tee contest. (hopefully those in the wet tees aren’t those with the hairy chests.
I can post pics if I remember to scan em in.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
This article is way better than Oddee’s. This one is interesting and kept me reading unlike Ooddee’s.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I don’t know if it was the author or the subject matter, but I laughed harder at this one than any other. I have gone through an intensive review of all things cracked in the last two weeks, so I know.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I’m really glad #1 isn’t REAL restaurant. Some of these don’t sound so bad. I’d like to try the restaurant in the sky, but I don’t know of any other reason I’d be in Belgium. I’d also could eat at the restaurant in a prison, but the gunfire and mortar sounds in the Lebanese war-themed restaurant would be pretty disconcerting.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Oh wow, Oddee, they used four of the same restaurants. God forbid somebody writes something that’s similar to your treasure trove of literary skill. Get over it, buddy.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I’ll bet you there’s a darker, more secretive, and more expensive club in a trap door under the Roppongi club, where lions and tigers and bears rape, kill, and then eat the sick fucks who eat at the first one.
September 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Take THAT, Anthony Bourdain!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Oddee Said:
“This article was great when I wrote it on 7/29/2008
http://oddee.com/item_96463.aspx”
BURN!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
And I thought the ’sausage and eggs’ thing was funny. Geez! I wonder if you can combine number eight and one… And - hell, why not? Surround me with coffins, stick me on a toilet, and hang me thirty stories in the air - I want EVERYONE to see!
September 11th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Where did that last pic come from? I must know!
I hear the buffet “Roppongi” is amazing.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
The last time I went to #1, the wait took forever.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Erm, I think it might be Japans turn to kill thousands of innocent people in America. That’s probably why you guys haven’t bombed Japan again. Everyone is assuming this sick shit doesn’t happen in other countries. I mean, everyone knows all Americans are nuts. That’s what TV told me and I’m going to assume that TV is always right.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Word for word on the prison one pretty much without the lame jokes.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I guarantee you someone will be eating inside the Large Hadron Collider soon, and we can forget about all of these. If there’s dangerous shit about, we’re going to fucking eat near it.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
@ kingmonkey , Yeah the food’s pretty good at the Old Outhouse, but you get splinters in your ass.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Oddee is obviously trolling for hits. I admit I went, and immediately became furious with myself for falling for the blog version of the Nigerian scam. I went for comedy and got fleeced by boring writing.
Don’t fall for it people.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
I like the idea of that toilet restaurant, but the one in the crane and the one where you fuck an animal before eating it are just too horrifying for words.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Hmm, penises, plagiarism and poop. What an article.
September 11th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
[...] error time and time again: serving delicious food at reasonable prices. The #1 place is just WTF?! read more | digg [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
LOL. I work at Chuck E Cheese.
FYI- the unbreakble plastic combs are 40 tickets!
September 11th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
did you read the whole article, oddee?
you have a few restaurants in common with this article, but this isn’t the same.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I told my mother about the cannibal restaurant and she seems to think that anybody that eats there will instantly gain a taste for human flesh and go on a killing spree. Personally, I think they should call this place “Hannibal’s”.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
feitclub Says:
“Are you sure this isn’t another photoshop contest? Some of these smack of total bullshit or at least gross exaggeration (ESPECIALLY the Japanese ones). The total lack of names or links to sources is a warning sign.”
Tsk, tsk, tsk. The occasional outright falsehood aside, Japan is, if anything, less suspect of exaggeration than the others. They really are that zany.
manda Says:
“what the fuck is wrong with the japanese?! I think #7 and #1 are reasons for why the US should never have helped to rebuild that country after nuking them. Sick fucks”
It’s worth noting that they draw an incredible amount of inspiration from the U.S.A. Don’t ask me how stuff on the Western side of things gets turned into what they have going on over there, but apparently we’re doing something to drive their creative process.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Oddee - If you wrote that article this year, does that mean you stole it from here?
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/388320/the_weirdest_restaurants_in_the_world.html?cat=16
It’s a concept that’s been written about numerous times, because it never fails to intrigue us, or at the very least, creep us the hell out. Its a bit presumptuous to believe this author’s incredibly witty and comedic rendition was even remotely inspired by yours.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Make it a cannibalism and being able to take it home to do what you want,that would make #1 a lot better,what with owning a human being and them being a slave and all,but they’d have to submit to it,though let’s face it,If you can get a sex slave from a restaurant,wouldn’t you?
September 11th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Yeah, glendoor42, I guess Modern Toilet would look pretty good compared to Georgia’s outhouse-themed restaurants, Old Outhouse.
I’ll just stick to going for drinks at Bidet, thank you very much.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
The Japanese can hump their food all they want…as long as it’s already been zapped, processed and cooked. Come on, let’s show a little sophistication. Fruits and vegetables can be raped raw though.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
@Starberry
That’s why I used the word again, meaning a third time. With a fourth, fifth, and sixth, till tenth.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Really, all of them? I thought the toilet place was pretty damn classy.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
All these places are disgusting. A festival of bad taste…
September 11th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Also, they claim to have animals of either sex. Male animals are not usually eaten, unless they are castrated. Those poor roosters, being castrated and screwed.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
No.1 is/was a joke. It started in the Japan equivalent of the Weekly World News or Sunday Sport, got translated by some joker at the English Mainichi newspaper for a column that got shut down (largely for translating bogus stories and presenting them as real cultural spotlights) and bloggers believed every word. This story even gets cited as one of the more ridiculous examples that helped get the column shut down. So relax, Japan is a nutty place, but they don’t hump their dinner.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
But you see Oddee, we dont care what you think. Only what cracked thinks..thats why were here and not on your website….sorry
September 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
You had me at “labia-clenching terror.”
Also, where is #1 located? Just out of curiosity.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Dude that is totally insane!
http://www.privacy.cz.tc
September 11th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I’m skeptical about #1. I really doubt you can keep a live animal in a restaurant and then butcher and cook it in minutes. Plus, any animal big enough to rape, is probably too big for one party to eat. What would they do with the leftovers? Sell pre-raped meat to orphanages?
That last sentence made me gag.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
what the fuck is wrong with the japanese?! I think #7 and #1 are reasons for why the US should never have helped to rebuild that country after nuking them. Sick fucks
September 11th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Right. And commenters shouldn’t shit on Oddee for pointing out that his shit was stolen. If you’ve ever had your stuff ripped off, it totally sucks. Next time, cite the dude when you pull his piece and use it in your post.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Some of these are disgusting, but you may want to check these out sooner than later if you’re interested because, apparently in small town Iowa, the “rapture” is coming. Don’t know what this is about, but it looks pretty weird:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwgR3hG-8vs
September 11th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Whoah. That totally WAS ripped off of Oddee’s site!
September 11th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Click my name for the authentic Chinese food experience [satire]
September 11th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
“Labia-clenching”? Yeah, you know what, you can go back to pretending that women don’t exist.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
rule 34 states that a bestiality resturaunt exists, or is in the process of coming into existance.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Wouldn’t dudes have a much better time at Roppongi than chicks? WAIT! I don’t want to think about it.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
So Oddee, after you’ve reviewed a restaurant no one else is allowed? You must be a really well established food critic. Do a Google search for weird restaurant themes and guaranteed you weren’t the first to come up with this idea for an article either.
PS- Cracked did a better job than you anyway.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Wow. All very disturbing. Especially the penis place? Does that seem to anybody else that THEY are trying to make up for the fact that, most likely, they have comparitvely smaller penises? I’m not trying to be an asshole here, but why else the animal penis obsession if not trying to make up for some sort of… shortcumming?
September 11th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
did that penis move?
September 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
My boss just had the nerve to come into my office and ask me why some coworkers saw me fucking my sandwich at lunchtime! What a dumbass! I told that clown it was time to be more open-minded with other cultures of the world. He said he understood about the culture thing, but pointed out that I don’t make nearly enough money to go around fucking snacks. Long story short, I just got a raise! Thanks Swaim!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
What if you go to Roppongi and fall in love while you’re fucking?? Do you HAVE to eat it?
September 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
i like cereal
September 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
About #1:
http://kapowell.com/jc/tag/jitsuwa%20knuckles/
September 11th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Thanks, glendoor42’s leprechaun. It’s all so clear to me now. 42… I understand. My God, it’s full of stars!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
The Claymore pizza has corn on it? That’s gross.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I’m glad to say that the horrifying #1 is certainly a fake, but at least it introduced me to that picture of the girl with the pig. The other seven were great, if regrettably lacking in girls with pigs.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I think I’ll stick to Red Lobster.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I’d fuck/eat a deer if I went there. because A) venison is delicious, and B) deer are as close to a hot chick as you’ll find in another species.
September 11th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
leprechaun I meant. EDIT FUNCTION PLEASE!!!!!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Am…Am I the only one who’s wondering what Swaim google-image-searched to find the pig hentai pic?
…
September 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
I don’t beilieve there is enough money in the world to make me want to fuck something then eat it.
#8 I saw on the Travel Channel show Bizzare Food. The host, Andrew Zimmern, the host travels around the world eating stuff that Bear Grylls gag on. The guy has eaten more dick and balls than the Village People. It a running joke between my son’s and I how long into
the show before he eat a sex organ.
@ kingmonkey glendoor42’s leprchaun says take the red pill now!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I don’t know why #1’s freaking people out.
It seems so humane.
After all, if I were a male any one of those animals and some random dude raped me I’d want to die as well…..
September 11th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
And even though I don’t have a penis, #8 freaked me the fuck OUT!
September 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Usually I get eaten first, then fucked. It’s totally better that way.
September 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I have written a piece on the Japanese Restaurant themes worth looking at.
http://stuffgirlslike.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/six-weird-japanese-themed-cafes/
September 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
The picture of the guy with the camera for #1 reminded me immediately of the Wesley Willis song, “Suck a Cheetah’s Dick.”
But I don’t remember him saying anything about killing it and eating afterwards…
September 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
#10 was featured on Bizzare Foods with Andrew Zimmern I believe. He kept asking the lady he was with, How is your penis? http://www.clownoftheday.com
September 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
i mean i love eating sushi people
and having sex with my food
but i refuse to have my dinner in a place with trash bags on the walls!!!
kidding but i want to know what kind of person you have to be to want to go shove your thing or have your food shoved in you to get off
and do they eat it while they’re porking it?
or just pork it then eat it
talk about extra sauce haha
September 11th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
If I ever wanted to plead the case that humanity should be wiped from the face of the Earth I’d use #1 as my argument.
September 11th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Plagiarism sucks, but it was a funny (plagiarized) article anyway. I would actually enjoy eating at most of those restaurants, except for the dick and toilet ones - talk about “ewwww”
September 11th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I went to Modern Toilet once. I ordered a glass of lemonade and a box of Milk Duds.
September 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
[...] The 8 Most Terrifying Restaurants from Around the World - Keep a puke-box handy, you might need it! [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
Where is this Cannibalistic Sushi place? That sounds amazing
September 11th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/09/11/9-restaurants-designed-to-ruin-your-appetite/ [...]
September 11th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
#1 freak me out.
But, when said f**ked the animals, it mean a guy and the animal. But what happen when a female customer come in?
September 11th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
MrMonkeyman? Are you talking to me? I don’t even remeber mentioning WWII. Am I off my meds again, glendoor42’s leprechaun?
September 11th, 2008 at 11:51 am
@MrMonkeyman
ever heard of wwII? pretty sure thats happened…
September 11th, 2008 at 11:50 am
My gut instinct is to call bullshit on #1, but I’ve seen Gladstone’s membership card.
Shit’s real.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:34 am
None of these places are as terrifying as eating at Wendy’s. I doubt anybody ever found someone’s finger in their horse penis.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
oh my fucking god
September 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
Yeah, Swaim. How could you steal from Oddee like that? You owe him 400 internet dollars, and two levels of Street Cred.
I get the idea that J-Pappi may be involved in the cannibal sushi idea. Somehow, it just has his magical touch to it somewhere. If not, J-Pappi, I may have an idea where you can put your warehouse of dead hookers to use!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Anyone else turned on by the picture of the girl and the pig? No? Just me? Alright.
Still don’t think I could kill and eat the first thing I had sex with, so I probably couldn’t eat there.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
the no.1 is totally false.. they cant even name the restaurants
the writer obviously didnt know what to write and he had to steal some ideas from oddee and made up this crazy story to get peoples attention. how sad is that!!
September 11th, 2008 at 11:07 am
Oh, yeah, Oddee, your article did include somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 of the same restaurants as this one. Also, you write like a twelve year old with severe dyslexia. Why don’t you try this:
1)Type “Weirdest Restaurants” into a search engine.
2)See the million article written before yours.
3)Kill yourself.
Thanks, and have a lovely day.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Wow,this article made me hungry!I think it’s lunchtime!:)
September 11th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Even though I previously read Oddee’s top 10 bizarre restaurant article, I was in know way reminded of it while I was was reading Swaim’s. That either means that Swaim provided enough new info and his writing stile is different enough or that Oddee’s article just wasn’t that memorable. Either way I enjoyed Swaims version.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:29 am
… why did we stop bombing the Japanese, again?
September 11th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Oddee: Wow, you’re right; you totally had an article that encompassed about half of this list. I know it’s no consolation, but I didn’t actually see your article while writing this (although I know your site). I’ve written about a hundred Cracked articles at this point, and rest assured, I’ve never written one that wasn’t a rehash of information available SOMEWHERE else on the web, even if I didn’t know it. After all, I do all my research on the Internet, and the Internet is a small place in the end. I guess I justify it by thinking that my particular writing style can help present the information in a new way. I like to think I’m writing a funny article, not just an informational one, and in that sense, there’s something new I’m bringing to the table. Pun intended. See? That’s what I’m talking about.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:19 am
It’s in LIBYANON! TWICE THE MUSLIM! TWICE THE EEEEEEVIL! Although, really, I’m thinking WWII gave the collective Japanese unconcious a lot of repressed memories and a burning hatred of the cultures of the rest of the world.
September 11th, 2008 at 10:11 am
wow im going to 1
September 11th, 2008 at 10:02 am
That last one is so messed up, I’m not even sure what to say except WTFRIGGINF!?
September 11th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I cant believe no ones said anything about that guy in his underwear taking pictures of satan knows what fucking. That is hilarious.
But seriously, I eat guys I fuck all the time. I don’t see what the big deal is…
September 11th, 2008 at 9:52 am
This is why humanity is completely doomed in every possible way.
Tell me, please tell me #1 is just some freak accident that occurred when we all got sucked through a black hole yesterday and will cease to exist soon after it collapses under the weight of its own sheer fucking evil.
*runs off to weep in a corner*
September 11th, 2008 at 9:48 am
I first read Buns and Guns as Bums and Guns, imagine a restaurant theme with bums wielding guns. Also I will skip on that cereal after #1…
September 11th, 2008 at 9:47 am
depraved people
September 11th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Let´s pretend the number 1 was not mentioned, but actually, funeral parlor as restaurant has something to it. Also, “Coffin Fodder” gets a whole new meaning here, innit?
September 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Gwar was right in writing bring back the bomb. #1 proves it.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:33 am
@zinkster - absolutely right! Is google maps *that* hard to look at? can’t the writer pull out an atlas?
Perhaps it just sounds better saying Libya because we all know their president is a kook who harbored terrorists before; but get your facts straight!
Buns and Guns is indeed in Beirut, Lebanon - I paid them a visit late last may, and was disappointed by the lack of firepower in their food. Pun totally intended.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Wow, what a bad one today
September 11th, 2008 at 9:28 am
I still wonder why we haven’t nuked Japan again.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:18 am
So, i don’t understand how someone could stoop that low to rape and eat the animal of their choice. Thats fucking nasty.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Is Buns and Guns in Libya or Lebanon?
September 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
False. It sucked when you wrote it. It looked and sounded like something right out of Condé Nast. This however adea a great start to my day.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Oddee: It was probably even better when people wrote the article before you.
But seriously, #1 fucking terrifies me.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:11 am
What? I’d totally rape something and then eat it… Seriously though, the article was alright. And animal crackers are kinda like the #1 restaurant. Alright, I warrant with slightly (imagine it was underlined) less animal rape, but the CONCEPT is the same. Look at the world around you, people! America is fed by rape and fast-food!
September 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Yeiii this is really something. I prefer that dinner at tke sky. It’s so cool
September 11th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Errr, hasnt something almost exaxctly the same as this already been posted here? I mean, the coffin restaurant, the canibalism sushi, dinner in the sky, the toilet place AND the prison restaurant were all mentioned in a similar article.
I would try and find it but I’m lazier than a sack full of stoned sloths extra whacked-out on methadone.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Oh, god. How can anyone get pleasure out of eating something they raped. That’s serial killer behavior.
September 11th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Are you sure this isn’t another photoshop contest? Some of these smack of total bullshit or at least gross exaggeration (ESPECIALLY the Japanese ones). The total lack of names or links to sources is a warning sign.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Wow, Oddee.
They used 4 out of 10 of the restaurants on your list, and instead of writing about them in a serious manner, they turned it into a funny article.
Obvious plagiarism! ARREST SWAIM!
Tool.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Shanks alot… Heheh, I get it
September 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I’d like a plate of Fuct Duck with a side of OMG, you guys got WHALE?
September 11th, 2008 at 8:39 am
Man, that Roppongi restaurant is fucked up. And I thought the way it was depicted on “Speed Grapher” was just exaggeration. Now I know better!
September 11th, 2008 at 8:30 am
I may never eat again.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Is Buns and Guns in Lebanon or Libya? Make up your mind, they are different countries you know.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Duuuuuuuuuuuuude.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:09 am
if i had a nickel for every hobo i’ve stabbed…well i’d be the CEO of Pierce and Pierce! ah wait…bad example..
September 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Oddee: Don’t get pissy just because this article was funnier than yours.
September 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Wow, that was some amazing writing there Swaim. You never cease to provide the most hilarious and disturbing information possible.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:57 am
#1 shows that some people have truly descended to the very last level of inhumanity
September 11th, 2008 at 7:54 am
Jesus, that cannibal restaurant is so creepy. I’m so glad I’m vegetarian xX;
Nice style, though.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I’ve ate at buns and guns. It is basically a subway with pictures of guns on the wall. Thats it. No real guns, just pictures. Granted, most likely the guy sitting next to you carries a gun but the store does not. Oh, and the food sucked. Tasted like sand. Does not even deserve to be on this crappy list. This gimmicky marketing style does not cover up the fact that the food sucked ass.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:50 am
I laughed through most of that but when I got to the end of the first paragraph of #1 my face just sorta dropped and I was a little bit scared. Those poor, poor animals.
So I’m thinking that the Penis restaurant is in Beijing (causes I hope they’re aren’t too many of them) and there has actually been some stuff about it on the radio here lately. Hamish and Andy, two completely awesome radio hosts that do the drive home show aired across a lot of Aus, went to Beijing for two weeks while the Olympics were on. They’re a couple of guys in their 20s so tend to do stupid, funny shit and decided to play a game at this restaurant. Basically the staff brought out a plate of penises and one of the guys had to guess which animal it was from, if they got it wrong they had to eat it, if they got it right the other one had to eat it. It was both hilarious and disgusting.
Anyway, if anybody wants to see a whole bunch of photos of what they actually serve there they can here: http://www.fox.com.au/shows/hamishandandy/beijing/day-6
September 11th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Gee, I’m at a loss here. I’m really not sure which animal I’d prefer to fuck then eat. “None” springs to mind. Certainly a compelling argument for bestiality, that patron makes.
Rich people fuck dogs.
And fuck you, Swaim. Old Fashioned Toilet still makes the best Egg Drop Soup around.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Fuck’em, kill’em and eat’em!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:41 am
FFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:37 am
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. MY FAITH IN HUMANITY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?! WHY? WHYYYYYYYYY?
September 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
I would eat at the prison.
But Oh God at the last place.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:35 am
#1 made me die a little inside (just like those goats who got a little left inside right before they died)
September 11th, 2008 at 7:33 am
Penis, I’ve never had, but testicles…well, they’re surprisingly tender and delicious. They don’t call ‘em Rocky Mountain Oysters for nothing. But seriously though, corn on pizza? That’s disgusting!
September 11th, 2008 at 7:28 am
# 8 should be #2 and #1 should be hunted down and brutally beaten until it is dead dead dead. FUcking sick. I hate you.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:28 am
“Terrifying” isn’t the best word here. “Freaky” maybe. I wouldn’t be scared to eat next to a decorative coffin.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:24 am
SETTLE DOWN EVERYONE
September 11th, 2008 at 7:23 am
Utterly brilliant. You never cease to amaze me with your random writing style
September 11th, 2008 at 7:23 am
If i went to dat japanese restaurant i think id bone a monkey. Easier to under, you see.
September 11th, 2008 at 7:22 am
The number one REALLY freaked me out. How do people eat there?
September 11th, 2008 at 7:18 am
This article was great when I wrote it on 7/29/2008
http://oddee.com/item_96463.aspx
September 11th, 2008 at 7:06 am
hmm…