A Political Cracked Round-Up of Politics

You'll notice we've got a ton of political stuff in the round-up this week. In one of our articles, a commenter by the name of Fuck you says a bunch of insane garbage, closing with "Stop writing about politics." We've gotten this a few times, the "stop talking about politics" bit. Some of you are just not interested in politics, and maybe you will be. We're sorry.

But there's an election going on right now. Try as we might, a lot of our writers can't stop thinking about it and, based on digg, a lot of people want to read about it. Now, we know that in Canada, leaders are decided based on a grueling and complex serious of violent, physical challenges. Our election probably seems a little boring by comparison. Just bear with us a little bit longer, and we'll get this political stuff out of our system. We'll be back to bullshitting about boobs in just under a month.

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In another epic move, the Cracked Columnists banded together to discuss the Presidential debates. The only thing worse than the debate was their commentary. Meanwhile, Chris Bucholz talks about robot dinosaurs. Even more meanwhile, Hate by Numbers this week analyzes CNN's shockingly inappropriate obsession with Dakota Fanning's sex life. Finally, DOB decides to utilize his
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time machine.

5 Presidential Elections Even Dumber than This One (Somehow)
Want to learn about the absurd history of the Democratic process? Read this article!

Notable Comment: Wanna read a bunch of retarded comments about whether or not Obama thinks kindergarteners should be taught about sex? Read the comments!

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6 Emails You Get When Your Company is About to Go Under
If you never open your email, you can't get fired! That's the strategy here at Cracked! (Apparently, we ran out of money about 8 months ago.)

Notable Comment: Moveeby84 says "God Damn you cracked, everytime you post something, it has to be relevant to me... YOU POSTED THIS THE DAY I LOST MY JOB IN A SMALL RESTAURANT DUE TO FINANCIAL PROBLEMS. DAMN YOU CRACKED!!!! WHY ME?!!!" Ahah! We got hit, gang!

5 Bizarre Ways Weather Can Kill You Without Warning
Nature, we're kinda going through a tough "thing" right now in America, so can you just quit being such a bitch for, like, five minutes.
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Notable Comment:EinDose says " Hooray, Cracked gives me even MORE reasons to stay home!" Don't be ridiculous, lightening can totally strike your house.

The 5 Most Clearly Insane Public Figures Endorsing McCain
It's like if Batman teamed up with Hitler. But, like, an older Batman. Think Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns, but a little bit older. And pretend Hitler's a rapper.
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Notable Comment:This isn't from the Comments section, but it's still notable. Swaim says " SPECIAL NOTE: Tune in to this space in two weeks for EQUAL TIME: 5 Obama Supporters He'd Rather Not Have! And don't bitch in the comments." We point that out because plenty of people DID bitch in the comments. See, people, you have to read ALL the words in an article. If you only read half or just pick parts at random to read, of COURSE it's going to seem strange.

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6 Horrible Lessons Hollywood Loves to Teach Kids
Sorry to ruin your dreams, kids!

Notable Comment: Majin88 says " Sandlot dog was an English Mastiff, not a St. Bernard." Hope you feel really great about yourself for pointing that out. Really, really great. You're a hero.

The Most Awkward Moments of All Time
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about: How to Stay in Business After the Economic Meltdown.
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Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners?
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Contribute your own.


You know, we are going to have to take the word 'borderline' out of your diagnosis.
by hey_mavis

Editor's pick:

Panhandling in the year 2170
by Leaf


No fly zone.
by GaseousClay

Editor's pick:

Having failed in his mission to destroy America, the Japanese housefly took the honourable way out
by Gillepsie


The GOP has already started merchandising for the inevitable Schwarzenegger/Palin 2012 campaign.
by Bronson

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Editor's pick:

GI Hoe.
by ShawnStu


Somewere between France and Switzerland someone is slowly backing away from the Hadron Collider on/off switch.

Editor's pick:

Good luck explaining this away without mentioning the alcohol, Captain.
by HelperMonkey


Never piss off Aquaman.
by TychPsych

Editor's pick:

Cirque du Filet!
by Leaf


Luke......this is your mother.
by luke_sci

Editor's pick:

Vader? I hardly know her
by justin.benson85


Never let Dr. Seuss design a stripper pole.
by HelperMonkey

Editor's pick:

Here lies Salvador Dali.
by DirkBelig

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