hey_mavis
You know, we are going to have to take the word 'borderline' out of your diagnosis.
AdamPS
The Power Rangers excluded the Silver Power Ranger when they found his "power" was just dancing to Daft Punk.
COITUS
It is so nice to see the Russian space program has finally reached it's full potential.
CavalierX
"X43 to base... operation 'get laid' is about to commence at a location called 'Martini Bar.' Wish me luck! Over."
Cap
With an outfit like that, sound is not the only thing he'll be manipulating by himself.
Holty
34 rolls of tin foil: $150 DJ box on wheels: $120 Other miscellaneous machine parts: $235 Never realizing that you are a member of planet earth: Priceless
Kingofmars
Greetings Earthlings, you are now under ..hey thanks for the change... Mmhmm .. Under my control! The sound you hear.. Uh, thank you ery much... The sound you hear.. oh, a dime. So generous...
CavalierX
Stop that bastard before he uses his sonic manipulator to shatter the bottles at the Martini Bar!
technotard
Laugh while you can, but he's the only guy not getting testicular cancer from cell phones.
phreesh
Audience Member 1 - Oh my God, I feel like I'm being manipulated somehow. Audience Member 2 - In what way? Audience Member 1 - It's hard to pin down, but if I had to say it in one word, that word would have to be sonically.
Chunkknuckle
This dude will fucking kill you if you post one more LHC-related craption. For real.
getittwistd
Instead of attending Yale, Dennis decided he had a much wiser investment opportunity for his parents college fund.
TheSnacker
The aliens were stunned to find out that the earthlings were immune to their bad rap attack, thanks in part to the vanilla ice vaccine.
GeeGee
Sonic manipulation is just the beginning. Soon they'll be colliding particles, opening up little black holes... What? The Large Hadron what? Holy shit. I hate it when my dreams come true.
sm112192
After the budget cuts at NASA the astronauts had to find their own ways to the moon
badonia
"ok ladies, just sit down over here & let the glories of science overtake your....what? why yes that is indeed my hand. remove it from your pants? that's fine, maybe you're not ready for sonic manipulation
walloftext
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold! I have created this... Sonic Manipulator! Steve: I think that's just a boombox with wheels. Dr. Weird: You're right!
xgrendelx
Through his own magic, chants of "Hey loser!" and "What a joke!" are manipulated in his sonic helmet to "Wow, cool gimmick" and "Will you marry me sonic hero!". The rest of the outfit is to protect from the rocks being thrown,
jwhaler
Um, yeah, uh George Clinton called and said for the last time, you are NOT getting on the P-Funk Mothership. Douchebag.
ShawnStu
In the interest of accuracy he's changed his sign to " The Chronic Masturbator."
gm_zero
"Batman may have all the sweet gadgets and the cooler suit... but when it comes to funk... DON'T FUCK WITH TSM.
phreesh
The audience was pretty disapointed when they discovered this dude's definition of 'sonic manipulation' was 'yelling'.
bobleponge
Jim's machine was a huge success. Soon, the whole world would think that President Bush had just farted on national television.
mdlman583
OK,this knob makes the right boot float,but I can't seem to get the left one to work at the same time.
jwhaler
--"So, Steve, how often do you have to stop dancing and use the bathroom?" --"Who said anything about stopping?" --"Oh dear god."
FortySixAndTwo
The humans are dead...the humans are dead...we used poisonous gases...and we poisoned their asses
hey_mavis
"The Sonic Manipulator" was my nick name is high school, I was cool like that..,
spiderjerusalem
It's good to see that the guy from the MTV commercials is still getting work.
AlexCheatin
Before finding success, Stone Cold Steve Austin tested out a NUMBER of other characters in the WWF... some were less successful than others
CavalierX
"Just wait till the chicks at the Martini Bar get a taste of my Sonic Manipulator... I can't lose!"
repeatoffender
Yes an opportunity to win the contest. I'll just mention the Large Hadron Collider and people will vote for it
beatcamel
Where will you be when a craption references a commercial, line from a popular film/television show or running joke that's been driven into the ground far past the point of hilarity? Here. You will be here.
hey_mavis
they said I would never amount to anything...well look at me now! Moma I made it, I'm on CRACKED.COM!!!
SlickityMuffet
Croikey, Ovah there is one of the straingest membahs of the proimate fambly. He is totally impotent without his elektrical devoices. But with them tuhned on, one boite and im dead.
bobleponge
Nobody had the hear to tell Jerry that his Sonic Manipulator had already been invented, except it was called the boombox, and was much easier to use.
phreesh
Yeah, okay, he looks pretty lame, but can you honestly say you wouldn't pay money to see a band called 'Sonic Manipulator' play your local club? You can't. Because you'd be lying.
ballsdeep
Looks like Dr. Robotnic finally figured out how to deal with Sonic: Street performers!
phreesh
The Sonic Manipulator - Mildly interesting busker / the greatest menace to dogkind.
phreesh
"The good news is that I can give you a tool that will get you laid anytime you want." "I want it." "You haven't seen what you have to wear yet."
veritas51683
This is why the Justice League has open tryouts only once in every 5 years.
Crux
Hadron Collider? Pft... Check out what the "Sonic Manipulator" can do! ...Yeah... No thanks.
hibby989
Poor guy...he poured his life's work into the Manipulator. Too bad no one ever told him Sonic wasn't real.
OlDirtyBen
"Well after the market tanked in 2008 and I lost my job on Wall Street, I figured 'What the hell? You gotta follow your dreams, Doug!'"
DoctorX
Sure, there weren't actual Space Marines yet, but by God, Ted was going to be ready when there were!
gm_zero
"Damn you 10 inch subwoofer box... You have foiled me for the last time... Feel the might of my funk."
spiderjerusalem
Tragically, the "Sonic Manipulator" neglected to insulate his suit, or the live wires that jutted haphazardly from his device. People say that Central Park still smells like burnt flesh to this day.
getittwistd
NASA's plan for the Mars Rovers post-retirement was a subject of controversy within the tech department.
sofaking
This economic crisis affected everyone. Including Master Chief who had to get a second job.
charokee
I'm not too sure I like where the hip-hop style is going for the next decade...
YesChewing!
heeeheehee.. I control the airwaves, all ME!! I have made the masses suffer through Spice Girls, Billy Ray Cyrus and every crappy song ever written! And no one knows my secret. ha ha ha ha HA!
sofaking
The newest solution to the homeless problem. Dress them in costumes and give them cool superhero names.
Kierkegaard
Hey! We gonna rock down to El-ec-tric Avenue And then we'll take it higher! Sometimes a man can love a song too damn much.
hey_mavis
As you can clearly see, this man is certified to do this (see diploma on the foreground)
adogg4629
The Fed's new bailout plan need's to be explained with a little bit more clarity then this.
smallshrimp
Sonic the hedgehog is fast. but there is one thing he can't outrun. FATE Sonic movie 2009.
MrBear
The Pentium guys have been struggling for work since the introduction of the Core Duo.
walloftext
John Titor Member Registered: Jan 2001 Posts: 78 Greetings, I am a time traveler from the year 2036. I am on my way home after getting an IBM 5100 computer system from the year 1975. My "time" machine is a stationary mass, temporal displace
dascrappa7
See this is what happens when you let the comic book fans out of their locked cages.
mikeyscouse
doctor robotnic sent out his new evil masterpiece to manipulate sonic into handing over the precious emeralds!!
kneightx
On the set of the new collaboration between M Night Shyamalan and George Lucas.
phreesh
Three hours to set up the white noise-reduction padding. Two minutes to get chased out of the park by an angry audience.
toacosmo
One small step for a conspiracy theorist, one giant leap for conspiracy theorist kind.
BeardedClam
Ever since the competition down the street showed up, crowds have diminished quickly... Damn you Sonic Masturbator!!!
harveystewart
The helmet is to protect his brainwaves from interference. The boots are to protect his feet from toxic waste. The vest is there because he felt his space suit wasn't hipster enough.
Zbyhnev
Some of the supporting cast of early Star Trek episodes had a difficult time finding a better job, but Wally was among the few fortune.
Zbyhnev
The Soviets' fake moon landing was shot in considerably restricted conditions on the streets of Minsk, hoping nobody would notice.
Zbyhnev
When Frank got the much coveted position of Head of PR at Intel, he had no idea what his job would really consist of.
kidtatious
Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...and so we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector...a sonic manipulator.
upthebracket
Don't judge me because I'm masturbating to this. Judge me because I'm doing it in a library.
MasterBates
At home, he leads a hum-drum life as an actor. But on the streets, Gary Busey is: THE SONIC MANIPULATOR!
tribwiz
-"You thought we would never know but we do. This is your dumbass and that is my woofer. Nice helmet, Jeff, Niiiiice."
Bigmoneygrips
Hip Hop keeps pushing the boundaries of what is considered an acceptable amount of jewelry.
CreepyOldMan
Blah blah blah... Hadron collider, blah blah blah, Aquaman something something, blah blah blah, diarrhea striking somewhere, blah blahblah
iantendo
Wow... who knew that a Sonic Manipulator was actually a Discman taped to an old speaker?
Paddles
Ernie's fingers twitched as his hand hovered over the "on" button. His co-workers would never again make fun of him after this.
rzrbldslvtn
After over 40 years NASA decided to publish REAL photos from the moon landing.
rzrbldslvtn
Jesus was running out of ideas how to get people to see him as a Savior once again.
iantendo
Houston we have a problem... some jackass is annoying customers over by the bus station
faith229
Jimmy liked the feel of his new tinfoil suit, but it didn't have the same comforting smell as his old straightjacket...
iantendo
"Mission Control this is the Sonic Manipulator requesting permission to GET FUNKY!!!" "Sonic Manipulator this is mission control... get a real job you lazy bum!"
ben_deweese
The Martini Bar Martian. The new advertising campaign is an effort to pull the bar out of a financial slump.
Weasel-Of-Doom
After severe budget cuts, N.A.S.A rolls out its new yet slightly less impressive mars rover.
rinkster
At the end of the eighties, the silver space man was thought to be extinct as their natural habitat - the "Disco" - fell prey to the spread of Starbucks in the inner-city. But with this picture as evidence scientist have renewed hope that the specie
Truthiness
The Sonic Manipulator is also capable of manipulating other things, like his dick! See what I did there?
mar89
How come when I tried this in front of the martini bar, I was arrested for drunken disorderly?
nivbrook
After losing his towel, Ford Prefect decided to give up hitchhiking and fulfill his dream of being a recording artist.
Tartra
Once the bailout had proved to be useless, America invested another $700 billion into Plan B: Eliminate the Competition.
Batman?
After leaving the Martini bar, John's friends decided he was a little too buzzed to drive the Sonic Manipulator home.
thejaker
George W. Bush Trying Out His New 'Anti-Terror' Suite. (John McCain is speaking on his 'wireless walkie talkie thinggy' by the way.)
drillerkiller
Do not insult my intelligence with a sign. I know what a sonic manipulator is.
fluf
The employees at the Martini bank were getting fed up with hearing a beat box and him singing nanu-nanu! over and over.
Jov
Welcome to suicide bombing school... lesson 1 : watch carefully cause im only going to show you once.
crazyivan
Some of Tesla's later inventions were ahead of their time, others were just fucking stupid.
Shabash
"Major Tom to Ground Control. Helmet on, but couldn't find pills. May have taken too many."
The Sound Defense
After the cancellation of their TV show, the Power Rangers had trouble finding honest work.
spiderjerusalem
I guess this is one way for him to get around that pesky "Megans Law" thing.
getittwistd
Door to Door Sex Toy Salesman are going to have a big Chrismas with this baby!
jeranimo
the president decided to actually land on the moon rather than trying to fake it on film...
charokee
The Metriod had to resort to doing parlor tricks after Nintendo no longer needed her..
getittwistd
The door mat in front of the "manipulator" is to make sure the marble doesn't get blood stains.
DoctorX
Ok, Midwesters, we get it! Sonic is the greatest fucking hamburger chain in the world! You can stop now!
trelivor
Sadly, the economy has forced even the Mighty Power Rangers to become mere street performers.
DirkBelig
We're supposed to worry about global warming, terrorism, the economy and now this guy?!?
hey_mavis
After the collapse of the economy this plucky physics student went into the field of super Villainy
xeroknight
As the democrats cut the defense budget the US Military turns to ...err desperate alternatives
YesChewing!
He had to change the name after getting arrested for demoing the Sonic Masturbator
hey_mavis
The fact the Steve was deaf did not phase him at all, it did, however phase pretty much everyone else
soldier39
If I get as many votes as elperMonkey has posts, I should be a lock to win this thing
getittwistd
It's really just a place to hid his pot from his parents. "Mom, I won't be home until late! I've got go DJ at a friends house!" His parents new his didn't have friends, but alas, they also didn't care.
badonia
But president Kennedy promised we'd be on the moon before 1970 & so far all we've gotten is this. (show pic of the sonic manipulator)...Ok scrap the whole thing, we'll shoot from a sound stage in LA
velocirapture
There weren't that many great job opportunites for Stormtroopers after Death Star, Inc. went under.
Nimzomitch
For apparently being very creative, you think the guy could have come up with a better name.
SlickityMuffet
Aluminium is keeping me safe for now. I fear they will break through soon.
noelbarratt
"My sonic manipulator can reverse the polarity of any neutron flow". "Get a life Steve."
Chunkknuckle
Nintendo's newest platform was drawing rave reviews at the time this photo was taken.
Chunkknuckle
Ever the fashionado, Murgatroyd just wasnt able to find a jump suit that showed off his cock bulge.
mikeyscouse
this box is dangerous it can emit a "SONIC BOOM" then manipulate you in ways you couldnt imagin...
Ondal
After Luke defeated the Emporer, the stormtroopers fell on hard times, some even resorted to walking the streets giveing "sonic bj's" for drug money.
mikeyscouse
robin williams never got over the cancellation of mork and mindy and sadly roams the streets reinacting episode 1...
stormspartan
Not pictured: His bowels being sonically manioulated the hell out of! Aslo not pictured: The watery feces sloshing as he hops from one foot to the other to try to control his spastic colon!
charokee
Not Pictured: Soberness or Dignity.......and The Sonic Manipulator pulled it off somehow without Lindsey Lohan.........touche Cracked.....touche
FortySixAndTwo
In Detroit, out-of-work automobile construction robots attempt to find work by playing the music of the street
MrTweek
The team at Sony is really scraping the bottom of the barrel for Spider-man 4 villains.
Rex-Jester
Not shown: a wino pissing on the electrical outlet, moments before lighting up Mr. Sonic like a good day at the LHC.
colin_in_sick
They're making a subwoofer shaped like a Companion Cube. It looks awesome. This? This is not awesome.
Yabels
"Look! I have a license to operate this Sonic Manipulator here! It's leaning on it. No I don't have a license to kill....I'll leave now"
Rex-Jester
Thought bubble: Damn, I thought the "Sonic Manipulator" was the DJ job INSIDE the bar.
kidtatious
I guess he's into Aural sex... Oh come on that's clever shit right there. Aural...Oral
kidtatious
Aqua Man and The Sonic Manipulator do battle this summmer. With Robert Downey Jr as The Sonic Manipulator and Christian Bale as Aqua Man, with Justin Long as The Sonic Manipulator's roadie.
tribwiz
After loosing his 401k, the distraught Edgars remembered "A recession aint got nothin' on these moves. WATCH OUT NA!!!
Megad00mer
After being rejected by the Justice League, the Sonic Manipulator is forced into a life of street performing.
rzrbldslvtn
Ok, Mr. Gore we all know that Supersonics were manipulated by the Global Warming to get the fuck out of Seatlle, now please, calm down...
NobodyNowhere
Kicked from the force, Silver Ranger resorted to street-boogeying to his next meal.
Chojinra
Getting one's ass kicked by Spider-man so many times really makes you reevaluate the merits of Street Performing over Super Villainy.
Ranger
Boba-Fett...the later years! Bounty Hunting for his dignity. As seen at: www.NeilsNotes.com
joeyjoey123
"the sonic manipulator" he realised, was not the best of names for his new vibrator range, not even the power rangers could sell it.
irishjim84
With his poll numbers dropping to a desperate low, McCain tries some... unorthodox campaign methods.
irishjim84
Not Pictured: The Alien Overlord cranking an aluminum foil-covered organ grinder while this guy collects tips.
jean7767124
When Obama realized he didn't stand a chance, he set out to control the minds of everyone with the sonic manipulator to get everyone to vote for him. And Sarah Palin to sleep with him.
Zaphod
You won't be laughing at his outfit anymore when he sets that thing to "brown note"
montanaguy
I think I dated his sister, she almost as crazy just minus the whole "sonic" thing
Tartra
After 'The Happening', M. Night Shamalan's funds began to run low. Now he is reduced to street corners with only his dreams, twist endings, and poorly thought-out plots.
DorianGrey
One day, Micheal Jackson finally caught on to all the plastic surgery jokes, and grew so sensititve he bought a helmet. (Still shiny, of course.)
superhombre
This is in Melbourne! I have seen this guy live around the city, he is actually pretty cool.
crackhead
This is the point where some idiot points out a random detail like there's a martini bar in the background and expects us to laugh.
Gekopa
Ignoring all warnings, Star Wars fans are trying to create their own Large Hadron Collider.
superpoop
"If I tilt my helmet to the right, and can hear Tom Cruise talking to the aliens."
Uncle
The new Scientology missionary uniform just didnt seem as unthreatening as the suits that the mormans wore....but it was ooohhh so much more functional
Yupcowboy
Ladies and Gentleman, I give you "The Scientology God"....Tom its safe to come out the closet...
kangaroosuit
Klündor cringed as patrons from the Martini Bar screamed, "Uh, no, we already gots a Sonic Manipulator, you see?"
iceman_419
Billy knew that to save the talent show he had to do something drastic..he had to dance!
Kein
"So, there I was, with my sonic manipulator, my containment suit, just got it pressed, right, and who do you think walks by?" "......no!" "Yes! Sarah!" "No shit! How is she?" "Alright. She got that guy to stop stalking her." "I swear. Fucking we
Cracked_Mascot
,,,"Ground control to Major Tom: Your circuit's dead, there's something wong. Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you ..."
What_the_funk?
The Canadian Space Program may have been off to a slow start, but boy did they do it with some style!
woody
"Personally I don't like ecstasy. It makes me lose any sense of critical judgement." - Thomas Bangalter (Daft Punk)
T3D
Unfortunately, Stan Lees latest Superhero idea wasnt as successful as his predecessors
pistachio
the spaceman sighed as he started to strip for money, he didn't want to, but those martinis across the road were so tempting
EdgarAllenDoh!
Steve Jobs regrets allowing Michael Jackson to consult on the latest product release.
Shabash
"Major Tom" prepares to blast the world with the greatest David Bowie song EVAR!
dabomdiggity
Daft Punk, facing a minor career setback, took it to the streets in a grassroots effort to regain fame.
Ondal
For some reason The Mighty Morphine Addicted Power Rangers never got past producers......
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