Cracked's Nuclear Disaster of Comedy

You may be wondering why we're calling this week's round-up the Nuclear Disaster of Comedy, but that's only because you have a terrible memory. Today marks the 22nd anniversary of the monstrous disaster at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant. You might say we're exploding with comedy as a tribute. You may even have radiation poison just from reading this.

Wait, no, not that second one, (probably). The first one, though, definitely. We are totally exploding with comedy.

This week, on the blogginest blog in the blogosphere, Ross helps out my explaining how exactly a bitch might get her eye swole up, (the answer may surprise you), and Swaim warns the world about Penis Thieves. Speaking of dicks, help Dan O'Brien replace Jimmy Fallon as the next host of Late Night.

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10 Highly Anticipated Video Games You'll Never Get to Play
Sorry, but Rambo vs. Spider-Man did not make the list. That isn't even a game. You dreamed that, and it isn't going to happen. Deal with it.

Notable Comment: Steveysteve says, "Don't worry. If they're revamping 'pong' now (wii) then in twenty years time we'll have new versions of all of these games listed. Of course, in twenty years time games will be playing us..." That is deep, man. Shit.

The 11 Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever
Yeah, we're well aware of how dangerous it is to call all of the leading rappers gay. Big deal. Seriously, what's 50 Cent gonna do to us? Shoot us? In the face? Yes.
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Notable Comment: Kyrintethron says " thought 50 was bad, you should listen to almost every song by DMX. It's always suck dick this and fuck him in the ass that." Seriously, same deal with all of the early Hall & Oates stuff.

How to Make Your Own Judd Apatow Movie in 5 Easy Steps
Judd Apatow will be producing Michael Swaim's That Guy, scheduled for a Fall 2008 release. Get the inside scoop now!

Notable Comment:

Neil says: "How to be a Cracked Blogger who gets all the awesome flame filled comments:

Arrested Development Sucks, Kurt Cobain sucks, black people suck, Guitar hero sucks, Judd Apatow sucks

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Hannah Montana, Expensive Hats, Weiner Poopie, Racist drawing of a mexican boy gluing himself to his bed

End Scene

Hooray! That post would have been the highest commented article on the cracke blog ever. Way more than 300 posts. That would make enough for anal PLUS reach around!

" And he nailed it.
8 (Pointless) Laws All Comic Book Movies Follow
Ninth rule? The Hulk sucked.

Notable Comment:User adds a rule: "#0 - All articles must consist of a "top X whatever" ordered countdown." While we're thrilled that you would include the Cracked staff in an article about superheroes, we can't help but point out that sometimes we say the worst, not the top. Come on, pay attention.

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The 10 Most Pointless Computer Gadgets
It's not that we didn't buy the humping dog, it's just that it's completely retarded.

Notable Comment: If the comments section of this article is any indication, sales for the humping dog attachment are about to skyrocket.

7 Foods That Can Get You (Unpleasantly) High
Combine all of the products mentioned in this list into one giant smoothie, and then don't sue us when it kills you!
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Notable Comment: StickManJr says "Hey! Remember when the comment section of these articles were meant for commenting on the actual article? Me either." We certainly don't. Sigh.

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30 Video Game Villain Recruitment Posters
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about Rejected Ideas From GTA IV and you can be.

If it looks like douche and it smells like douche, it must be The Week in Douchebaggery with Lex Friedman and Gladstone! Douche!

Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners?
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Contribute your own.


"The new decoy for the olimpic torch left many skeptical, however no one wanted to try and put it out.
by boogie

Editor's pick:

Super Absorbent Tampax prepares for yet another battle against the Evil Lord Menstrual.
by Hydrashok158


Hey, San Francisco needs utility workers too.
by Crenshaw

Editor's pick:

"Hey, would you jump around to attract the attention of the audience, while I fuck that wooden plank?"
by Klopper


Her mother having eliminated the competition, followed her to victory.
by Hydrashok158

Editor's pick:

At the Special Olympics, if 99% of your body is paralyzed, you can ride shotgun in some events.
by Superhal

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Less appealing than that "Eye of Sauron", the "Vagina of Sauron" attracted few tourists.
by ryang89

Editor's pick:

The Washington Monument's girlfriend...
by bwroblewski


Peter: "Woh, that kitten's got 1 hell of an ass."
Paul: "I know, I'm diggin' the blue dress as well."
Peter: "... no... I meant .... nevermind - We need to have a serious fuckin' talk about that soon though Paul."


Editor's pick:

"What are YOU staring at, asshole?"
by Blackrifice


Carl wondered if he'd EVER get a turn.
by Biz

Editor's pick:

"And I-ey-I-ey-I willlll always LOOOOVVVEEE YOOOOUUUU-OUU-OOUUUUUU!!!"
by optimus_prime


mexiCAN get over the border!!!
by gamefreakjohnnyy

Editor's pick:

Optimus Prime would pass the time by burying himself and playing "flick the tourist with my penis."
by Dirkin

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