You know the old saying, “Well, that hasn’t aged well?” We wanted to say that about these lyrics, but most of them aged poorly the moment they hit the page. They’re almost a time machine of sorts. The way they transported us back tens of thousands of years to see them engraved in cave walls. Ooga Booga, the ’80s. Ooga Booga. What can we expect from a now 40 year old decade defined by corporate greed, cocaine, and hair metal? A time when jocks ruled the world.

We’re not here to trash ’80s music as a whole, because the decade did provide us with so many great songs from so many great artists. Every decade has cringey lyrics. Most of the time, because of the accompanying instruments and a little twang in the singer’s voice, they fly right by, undetected. There’s nothing to hide behind when they’re just written out on the page. That’s when we get to read them and think, “Wow. Not only does this person think this way… They also thought it was something that should be shared with the world.” So brace yourself. Here are 15 of the cringiest lyrics penned in the 1980s. 

“Girls” by Beastie Boys

Cringey lyrics from the '80s The Beastie Boys Girls I asked her out, she said 'No way.' I should of probably guessed her gay. If a girl isn't into you, she must be gay! Lyrics for the fragile ego of the rejected bro. And it's have, Beastie Boys. You should have probably guessed that she is gay. CRACKED

Def Jam Recordings

Scary Mommy

“Shout At The Devil” by Mötley Crüe

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Mötley Crüe Shout at the Devil He'll be the blood in your eyes. He'll be the blood between your thighs. When stating all the things the devil is, or will be, Mötley Crüe gets very Old Testament by implying the devil has something to do with menstruation. CRACKED

Elektra Records

Genius

“De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” by The Police

Cringey lyrics from the '80s The Police De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da And when their eloquence escapes me, their logic ties me up and rapes me. Just before the profound De do do do, de da da da chorus, we get this rape lyric, which makes this singalong song not so singanlong-able. CRACKED

The Police/YouTube

The Police/YouTube

“Let’s Get Crazy” by Quiet Riot

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Quiet Riot Let's Get Crazy Wanna kiss your lips, not the ones on your face. Your innocent jive is really out of place. Maybe they thought they were being subtle. CRACKED

Pasha Records

YouTube

“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid

Cringey lyrics from the '80s Band Aid Do They Know It's Christmas? The entire concept of the song! It was meant to fight famine in Ethiopia, but Ethiopia has a majority Christian population, who definitely know about Christmas. Even if they didn't, not everyone celebrates Christmas, and that's okay! CRACKED

Columbia Records

Open Culture

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