It's not that we hate you for offering these things, we just wish you wouldn't. Also, yeah, we kind of hate you.
Are the celebrations herein involving fire and dicks and animal shit any stranger than, say, New Year's Eve, or Mardi Gras? Actually, yes.
The I am not composed of extremely low pH water and hatred of all things fun. The problem with my fun times, however, is that there are outside forces pissing them away from me.
Obviously some people seem to be training to win the gold in the screwed-up priorities Olympics.
No matter how hot the subject of your crush, they've experienced those awful events in life that wick away your sexiness.
There are plenty great movies that were one tiny mistake away from being great films. Hell, if the shark in 'Jaws' hadn't been a complete catastrophe, that movie could have been ridiculous. We asked you to show us some other tiny changes that could have turned terrible movies into classics.
Millions of us are so terrified of or disinterested in having kids that we'll literally never do it. But the world's population keeps inflating like a balloon because there are plenty of people at the opposite end of that spectrum. Way, way at the opposite end.