I have bought and destroyed more cars than is technically allowable by the United States Government, and am therefore legally obligated to actually try to help you in this column.
In the next week, as you hear kids making greedy demands of their parents or whining about how many Snickers they should be allowed to have in a day, there's a good chance those awful children will end up in one of these suits of pure punishment.
Science has found zero empirical evidence for the existence of ghosts, aliens, demons or any other supernatural creature and these videos will surely not fool an expert in video fakery. Unless he or she watches them alone, late at night, in the dark. Then they become very convincing.
The rational part of our brain tells us that there is nothing weird about coincidences. We're here to tell it to shut its pie hole.
Look, we're not going to try to sway you on any one issue, but you should know that there are some factual points that almost everyone gets wrong.
Halloween isn't always the beacon of snack-sized Snickers and girls dressed as Kojak with cleavage that it should be. For years, nefarious little shits have been trying to have their way with it and make it awful, because some people just want to watch the world burn.
For artists, it must be complete agony to see their hard-labored brainchildren banned, censored or outright destroyed -- which makes it all the more baffling when they choose to do it themselves.
Even if you've never, say, pulled a gun on somebody who cut you off in traffic, you've probably only imagined yourself doing it. Not everyone is capable of such restraint.
Bad news dweebs, consider this column the shitty popcorn ball in your bag of candy. With any luck, it will spoil your favorite holiday just a little bit.
Since all of human history consists of people thinking of ways to take good ideas and make them terrible, these days copyright laws have been taken to absurd extremes.