Of course, this is all just a bunch of statistics mumbo jumbo -- stuff like this doesn't really happen in the real world. Tell that to the female psychiatrist who missed out on a position because she had a tendency to go topless at parties (hey, who doesn't?), or maybe the financial analyst who got blacklisted by a bigtime financial firm in Seattle thanks to his habit of posting drunken photos on Facebook (again, is that not what Facebook is specifically designed for?).
Not Already Having a Job Prevents You from Getting a Job
It sounds completely counterintuitive, what with so many qualified people currently out of work thanks to the utter collapse of the economy a few years ago, but for many employers, being unemployed is a gigantic red flag. That means once you've been unemployed for a certain period of time, you get stuck in a Kafkaesque trap where you can't get a job because you don't have a job.
Keith Brofsky/Photodisc/Getty Images
"Sorry, Mr. Yossarian, but we welcome you to apply again after some other dumbass takes a chance on you."
For skilled, perfectly able people -- like the 330,000 long-term unemployed in Illinois alone -- the longer they go without being able to find work, the less attractive they become to potential employers. As John Challenger, CEO of an outplacement firm in Chicago, put it:
"Hiring companies now wonder about whether or not their skills have become less current, about whether inertia has set in, how driven are you to get back to work. They worry that maybe other companies have seen something that they might be missing when they didn't hire you. Employers have some of these kinds of concerns about your candidacy that someone new into the market doesn't have to contend with."
"No other company would have him; what if he has herpes?"
To be fair, it's always been this way -- ever heard the old adage "It's easier to find a job when you have a job"? The difference being that there are now many, many more people looking for work because for years we had an economy where there were millions more unemployed people than there were vacant positions. Yet employers ranging from small businesses to fast food chains still show this bias against the jobless, to the point where New Jersey recently passed a law against prohibiting unemployed people from applying for a job, with other states and Congress considering similar ideas. Until such laws become commonplace, though, it looks like your average unemployed person has a laundry list of stereotypes to overcome in order to convince potential employers that they're not filthy bums.
So there you have it, kids: If you are currently hopelessly unemployed and desperately need a job, all you've got to do is get a fucking job. It's as easy as that.
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Why doesn't everyone do that?
For more ways companies are really screwing the pooch, check out The 7 Sneakiest Ways Corporations Manipulated Human Behavior and The 5 Most Horrifying Things Corporations Are Taking Over.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 4 Most Childish Ways Powerful People Settled Arguments.
And stop by LinkSTORM to discover why fat and stupid is no way to go through life.
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