Cracked Archive - Weird World

'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' was basically a documentary.

• By Adam Wears
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• January 27, 2016

Like millions of other kids under deferred action, I was brought to the US at the age of two. And even with protection from deportation, the path of permanent legal status continues to be a nightmarish, unfinished road.

• By Anonymous, Amanda Mannen
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• January 26, 2016

The first thing Hitler would do with a time machine would be to have sex with his own grandmother.

• By Chris Bucholz
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• January 25, 2016

It's no secret that politicians are more prone to kidnappings than most people, but at least you'd expect that they'd catch a break when they die. Not so for Honest Abe.

• By Zachary Frey
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• January 25, 2016

Sometimes people go missing so hard that it's like Doc and Marty jacked up the time stream and erased them entirely from the fabric of existence.

• By Janel Comeau
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• January 24, 2016

You know that moment when the alarm goes off and all you can think is

• By Amanda Mannen, Anonymous
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• January 24, 2016

Because how-to guides and lifehacks are popular, the Internet keeps demanding they get cranked out. Which gives you a big hint what the first problem is.

• By Chris Bucholz
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• January 23, 2016

If the enemy is prepared for every non-stupid contingency, that means you have only one option left. And many times, the stupid option works.

• By M. Peter Storino
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• January 23, 2016

It may seem like we're intentionally seeking out just the grossest, most horrifying jobs in the world for these articles, but we assure you we're not doing it on purpose.

• By Anonymous, Ryan Menezes
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• January 22, 2016

The secret ingredient in many e-cig refill liquids is diacetyl. This relatively harmless-sounding chemical is OK to eat, but when you breathe it in, you risk an irreversible, debilitating lung disease.

• By Pauli Poisuo
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• January 21, 2016

Around 2,000 people are knighted every year, and not a single one of them won a jousting tourney.

• By Rachel P., Lisa Olsen
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• January 21, 2016

If a Keurig can brew up 100 types of coffee, surely you can make me a machine that can produce a passable mojito or Tom Collins.

• By Felix Clay
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• January 19, 2016

Anti-smoking ads present a pretty simple situation: Smoking is bad because you get addicted to the nicotine. But that's not the only reason people won't quit.

• By J.F. Sargent
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• January 19, 2016

Purebred dogs: A noble idea that has gone horribly wrong in recent years.

• By Anonymous, Evan V. Symon
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• January 19, 2016

America loves the idea of its soldiers. But the thing is that real human beings are coming back from war zones with a long list of nightmarish health problems that pretty much nobody wants to hear about.

• By Mark Hill, Anonymous
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• January 18, 2016