Before L. Ron Hubbard chose to discard his corporeal flesh vessel in order to pursue his research on a higher plane, his many teachings were recorded in, among other mediums, the world's most incomprehensible comic book.

Here are some absolutely bananas excerpts from his 871-page Scientology Handbook:

ANSWERS GO 7WI SCIENTOLOOY HANDOOE TO DRUGS Perhaps the answer to drugs... RON HUBBARD is more drugs.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY, HONEY? OK bave CRACKED.COM

SDAY WEDNESDAY THUR If I see you in the Tuesday bin one more time, you're going in the Sunday bin. Got it?

Boldly Go!

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Assumed Similarities Are Not Similar or Same Class of Thing When you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life.

BECOME CURIOUS ABOUT THAT. YES. E DID. 9 9 CRACKED.COM

I SEE. WOULD IT SAYS. YOU READ THIS ACCOUNTS RE'... FOR ME. PLEASE? UM... UH... I GUESS I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT READING. io o io o Okay, I think I'd lik

THANK YOU. NOTICE THAT YES. WALL. Now, notice, if you will, the sweat drop down my bawlz. CRACKED.COM

VERY GOOD. NOTICE THAT WINDOW. SURE. OKAY. NOTICE THAT FLOOR. YES. I'M FEELING BRIGHTER ALREADY. Now notice...me?

OOAOMN PURICON Time to schvitz off some thetans!

Differences Are Different OIL GAS AIR CRACKED.COM

Boredom 1.5 Anger ) Fear 0.5 Grief THE tMOTIONAL TONE SCALE 05 Apathy Is Scientology just Animorphs? LRON ON WA HUBBARD

TOUCH THAT CHAIR. THANK YOU. ..okay please stop now.

DON'T FEEL TOO BAD. NOT EVERYONE IS BORN WITH TALENT. K-KANE CRACKED.COM

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