In 1978, the BUFORA ("British UFO Research Association") Journal reported a mind-boggling encounter with some kind of bumbling astronaut ghost clown.

The creature appeared to be wearing a stiff wooden suit, and communicated via some kind of janky Speak & Spell. It only gets weirder from there:

His characteristics defied conventional supernatural humanoid categories: As they were crossing a wooden foot- bridge over a narrow brook, a blue- glo

He's come to be known as the Sandown Clown. But whatever he was, he was clearly out of place: The figure fumbled with a book, dropped it in the water,

He was eager to communicate with the kids... Because of his strange white features they asked if he was really a man. The answer was a chuckled No.' T

...but he was extremely bad at it. He wrote in a note-book in a large hand, Hello and I am all colours, Sam.' The boy was hesitant, but Fay read each

He had the kids hang out in his invisible, windowless shack: At his invitation the children crawled through a flap into his hut, which con- tained two

But honestly, the most fucked up thing he did was simply eating a berry: Once inside the hut he removed his hat to reveal round, white ears and sparse

When Fay finally told her dad, he revealed that he had had a paranormal experience around the same time! craft. From his vantage point, he observed tw

You already know the moral of this story: DON'T TALK TO CLOWNS ROBMORPHYCOM
Art by Rob Morphy

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