Hi. My name is Zoe Quinn. Long story short, the Internet spent the last month hating me.
Since most of these games were made before instant Internet porn became a thing, some of the developers had to express their most basic desires anywhere they could ... like, for example, in some innocent children's game.
When we look back at our harmless games, all the rose-colored glasses in the world couldn't hide the blood.
Don't you wish game companies would let the designers have a bit of artistic freedom? Yeah? Be careful what you wish for.
What follows are the four most enticing ideas for video game movies I was able to scour from the depths of the comment section, ranked in no particular order save for the way they tickle my whiskey-addled imagination.
I spent a day trapped inside the top-grossing games like a smartphone Houdini, and as a service to Cracked readers, I worked out some better replacements.
When a simple handwritten middle finger to the player would have sufficed, these jerks built a laser, carved the letters into the moon, then bombed NASA so nobody could ever erase it.
Sometimes video game developers leave their draft of the script in the wash, and can only loosely guess at the ending based on the shapes of the inkblots.â‚¬â„¢