'Star Citizen' Devs Are Blowing Their Crowdfunded Budget On Bedsheet Physics

By:
A citizen of the stars

Cloud Imperium Games

The people who criticize the bizarrely shady development of $450 million+ of crowdfunded Ouroboros Star Citizen all lack perspective. Naysayers just need to see it less like a game, and more like a constant stream of hilarious news that some people bought so that the rest of us could enjoy. We can spend all the time we want calling the devs hypocrites, but they too forced themselves to undergo the process of ditching the already perfect first-person perspective in favor of an apparently even more perfect first-person perspective based on the inner workings of birds' necks. Seriously. Just a few months after we learned that the game was dealing with a roofie attack epidemic that left a bunch of innocent backers butt-naked in the middle of space, we're learning that one of the reasons the game is taking so long is that the devs are working hard on creating very realistic bedsheets.

Realistic "smile" from 'Star Citizen'

Cloud Imperium Games

Our faces when the roofies start kicking in but we know our naked butts will land on something soft and realistic.

That's right. After they finally solved their serious problem with massive delays (by removing their official deadlines altogether), the people at Cloud Imperium Games are finally tackling space games' biggest problem: bed sheets that don't behave in a realistic manner.

just a man trying to sleep

Cloud Imperium Games

Someone invested millions on sheets that bend in a way that doesn't cause sleepers to combust and people are laughing?!

As a part of Squadron 42, Star Citizen's also infinitely delayed campaign, CIG is investing heavily in the research and development of bed sheets that will look and deform realistically when characters enter and hopefully have Mass Effect-style sex in them. It looks like they're straight-up trolling, but the game's AI team was wearing a very realistic straight face when they said that. The fans are loving it.

 

 

Top Image: Cloud Imperium Games

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