Here are some things that anyone with a lick of sense would not put in the hands of a computer, and the people who are putting them into the hands of a computer.
When you make forum posts beginning with, 'I'm not a racist, but...' or call us retards in the comments, do you use your real name? What if you had to?
Before our window of time ruling Earth is slammed shut on our fleshy, poorly designed fingers, humanity is making one last stand: having robots do humiliating jobs for which they're wildly overqualified.
It's Day Two of the biggest week in the world of video games, and the industry is completely out of ideas.
This week is maybe the biggest of the year in the world of entertainment. This is when all of the games you'll be playing for the next twelve months are unveiled at the Electronic Entertainment Expo. This year's event, however, will more likely be remembered as the precise moment video gaming as we know it died a tragic and embarrassing death.
It seems like yesterday when you were kicking ass, increasing your storage size and showing up on business cards. You asked for user feedback, you pioneered folder-based mail organization, you were the gold standard for free email. But somewhere along the line you stumbled. You got sloppy or you just gave up, and we drifted apart.
Seriously, gamers, stop being such jackasses.
All that paranoia you harbor about being spied on? Turns out it's totally justified!
There are things we miss about the world before the World Wide Web. Mainly the guilty pleasures that a less connected world used to let us get away with.
Media piracy has been rampant throughout history... probably since the first guy to smear his feces on the wall in the shape of a buffalo turned around and immediately saw 50 more just like it being smeared on the walls behind him.
Wait, wait, wait. Women use the Internet!?
In the future, your phone and your life will be one and the same. Don't drop it in the toilet, is what we're saying.