Staying on top of current events is like trying to keep an accurate count of the wolves who are currently chasing you through the woods.
Hacking is all the rage these days -- and everyone's name is on the hit list.
It's not easy being a cop. So imagine how frustrating it must be when they run across organized groups of half-cocked, wannabe, do-gooding amateurs like these people.
Judging from the news, the cabal of powerful people who secretly run the world have all dropped a shitload of acid recently.
If you take a moment to stop actively focusing on the negative, it's easy to see that, despite our collective insistence to the contrary, the world as a whole is chugging along towards a better place.
Stop making the world a worse place.
Where do your teeth go after they've been pulled out of your screaming skull by a sadist with a light on his forehead?
Even though the basic product is still the same (roof, prostitutes, wet-naps, shame), there's apparently still room for some forward-thinking innovation.
The world makes about as much sense as the plot of your average late-night Cinemax porno, one watched with the sound off so your Mom doesn't hear.
I wouldn't blame you if you have a hard time looking at Pixy Stix again after seeing the effects of these drugs.
Watching the news is a lot like watching the new season of 'True Detective,' only with even more angst and ridiculous mustaches.
Judging by the news, the world is kind of like Jurassic Park, only if the dinosaurs were in charge of security.