Cracked Archive - News
Curse Milo's sudden but inevitable betrayal of conservative values! If only we could've seen it coming...
- By Robert Brockway
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- February 23, 2017
Keeping up with the news is like shopping at a big box store. It's busy, it's confusing, and there's just so much of everything.
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- February 23, 2017
Grab a beer, you pitchfork-shining renegade.
- By David Christopher Bell
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- February 21, 2017
It's pretty hard to read these stories and wonder how anyone involved didn't see the end result coming a mile away.
- By Pauli Poisuo
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- February 20, 2017
Our writers couldn't agree on how to best tackle this issue, so we had them tackle each other -- figuratively, as our 'Blood Arena' was banned by HR.
- By Daniel Dockery, Aaron Kheifets
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- February 18, 2017
What I'm about to say may sound like an attack, but please believe me when I say that I'm speaking to you from a place of love.
- By Ian Fortey
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- February 16, 2017
The news is like the endless, vaguely terrifying disclaimers at the end of a prescription drug commercial.
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- February 16, 2017
The weekly news cycle is like a giant box of Conversation Hearts -- some of it makes sense, but the rest is indecipherable garbage.
- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- February 14, 2017
When the Constitution mentions 'citizens,' it is exclusive to citizens of the United States, but when it starts using the word 'person,' it's referring to everybody.
- By J.F. Sargent
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- February 12, 2017
Shoving the plot points of a movie into news history not only ends up discrediting a piece of creative work, but it also distances us from the threat that is Trump.
- By Nathan Rabin
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- February 12, 2017
There are drawbacks to being an outsider.
- By Aaron Kheifets
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- February 11, 2017
Dave Rubin runs through a list of the outrageous things he claims 'progressives' want, but nothing he mentions bears any resemblance to anything I or anybody I have ever met is actually fighting for.
- By J.F. Sargent
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- February 08, 2017
The people who concocted this theory should be ashamed for wasting a perfectly good name like 'Pizzagate.'
- By CRACKED Writing Staff, Andres Diplotti
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- February 07, 2017
Prepare for the seriously researched, definitive schedule of Donald Jamillah Trump that is in no way designed to antagonize him or his supporters.
- By David Christopher Bell
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- February 05, 2017
In reality, if a werewolf tried to play high school basketball, he'd be shot in the face by Betsy DeVos.
- By CRACKED Staff
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- February 04, 2017
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