Cracked Archive - News
We get it. You'd rather chew your own foot off than check the news right now.
Some weeks it's like the news outlets are run by minions and Toy Story aliens.
Some weeks it's like the news is bees and you're Nic Cage.
We've got your morning reading covered.
Some days the news reads like a cryptic note you wrote to yourself in the middle of the night.
Sometimes the news is like a car alarm in a parking garage.
The news outlets are like infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, but without all the Shakespeare.
Some weeks the news comes at you like a wrestler with a folding chair.
Look, we get it. You'd rather go through a full TSA screening than keep up with the news.