Cracked Archive - News

Why Professor Indiana Jones Was Hated By His Colleagues

We must say that the title 'God Melted Some Nazi Faces In Front Of Me' simply doesn't fit our journal's aesthetic.


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/23)

Today's news is like a less plausible version of the wacky fake headlines from 1980s movies set in the future.


14 'Real' Headlines The Media's Too Afraid To Write (2/19)

'Republicans honor Scalia's devotion to the Constitution by ignoring it to delay successor's appointment.'


5 Reasons To Like (Or At Least Respect) Martin Shkreli

I have a feeling this won't be a popular column. Don't ask me why. Just a feeling, I suppose.


I'm Asian: 6 Forms Of Racism I Deal With Every Day

Just because it's no longer socially acceptable doesn't mean people don't still harbor some subconscious racist beliefs.


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/16)

The news is like 'The Walking Dead,' only without that show's sense of naive optimism.


17 'Real' Headlines The Media's Too Afraid To Write (2/12)

'Martin Shkreli is an even smugger asshole than previously thought'


5 Weird Ways America Has Returned To The Dark Ages

The Dark Ages earned that name at least in part because there's a noticeable lack of contemporary records, a trait eerily similar to our country today.


18 News Stories That Forgot To Tell You The Best Part

Well, maybe Steve Harvey's gaff was some sort of karmic retribution in the end.


The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/9)

The news is like an alarm that sounds 24 hours a day, alternately screaming that you're going to die and that you need to ask your doctor about erectile dysfunction pills.


5 Realities Of Smog So Bad It Blots Out The Sun

Beijing, we're finding out, has the kind of pollution that makes it seem like you're downwind from a freaking volcano eruption.


6 Ugly Things You Learn About Donald Trump Reading His Books

May my Kindle forgive me for what I have done to it.


15 'Real' Headlines The Media's Too Afraid To Write (2/05)

'Idris Elba Gets Two Consolation Prizes For His Oscar Snub'


5 Things That Shouldn't Be Sold Online (But Totally Are)

Brass knuckles? Paper weights? What's the actual difference anyway?


4 Reasons Flint's Water Crisis Is Worse Than You Think

The incompetence and lying behind the scenes that led to the lead-laced water poisoning thousands of people is as staggering as it is terrifying.