Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi)

Well, reader, in a very shocking twist of events, it turns out that we can actually have nice things. Universal Studios Japan is giving fans a sneak peek into the Super Nintendo World theme park that is set to debut next spring, opening the absolutely adorable Mario Store and Cafe on October 16. This news is almost enough to cause us to forget that Mario is canonically (and disturbingly) 24 years old.

Dubbed the "the world's first Mario Cafe & Store," the shop is located in the Osaka theme park's Hollywood street and comes decked out with blocks, mushrooms, and even a really long queue, USJ announced Wednesday. More importantly, the store also carries pretty much everything a Nintendo fan could possibly want to drown out the pain of the past eight months with sugary snacks and nostalgic merchandise. 

Japan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi) - concept art for Super Nintendo World's Mario Store and Cafe
Universal Studios Japan
It would take all my strength not to jump up on these bad boys...
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Do you like pancakes? Do you like sandwiches? Do you like eating foods shaped like cartoon hats, but with a metric crap-ton of fruit? Get yourself a pancake sandwich (a.k.a the pankeeki sando) decked out to look like the famous duo's iconic uniforms. 

apan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi) - a Mario pancake sandwich from Super Nintendo Land at Universal Studios Japan
Universal Studios Japan
The only time I'd eat my hat...
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Need something to wash down those flapjacks and the seemingly endless existential pain that is existing in 2020? Try a fruit cream soda, which comes complete with a novelty mustache straw, so you can trick your social distance pod into thinking that it's a-you, Mario!

apan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi) - moustache straws from Super Mario Land at Universal Studios Japan
Universal Studios Japan
Big 2010 mustache hipster girl energy.
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Want to rep your Nintendo pride as you walk around the park, in what is definitely not a nod to Disney's iconic Mickey ears? Grab a Mario hat or a Princess peach crown to top of your look. And while you're at it, maybe grab a throw pillow or a pencil case while you're at it. After all, we're in the middle of a global pandemic -- now is the time to treat yourself!

apan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi) - a pillow from Super Mario Land at Universal Studios Japan
Universal Studios Japan
But where is the 5-pound bag of officially sponsored Wario garlic?
apan's Super Mario Theme Park Looks Adorable (But Needs More Waluigi) - a pencil case from Super Nintendo Land at Universal Studios Japan
Universal Studios Japan
My high school GPA would have been like 10 points higher if I had this pencil case set. 
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Although entirely adorable, the existence of this utopia poses several questions. A Nintendo theme park? Cute pancakes? '90s nostalgia? Is this the 2020 turnaround we're all been waiting for? Has God not yet abandoned us? Could there actually hope? Who knows. In the meantime, as you wait for your fix of adorable merch and snacks, take a look at my friend's latest culinary creation partially inspired by this announcement -- a classic bodega-style egg and cheese on a pancake. Here's to hoping their sandwiches will be better than this absolute abomination. 

Universal Studios Japan
It apparently tasted better than it looked..

For more Nintendo nonsense and questionable food content, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ and on Twitter @TennesAnyone

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