Cracked Archive - News
The 6 Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/24
We follow the news, so you don't have to.
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- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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249
249 Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants
There's a big, glaring weakness with this plant technology, if we are to use them in a wartime scenario ...
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 13
How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?
What sculptor would look at this without even the slightest of niggling doubts?
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 41
KFC's Escape Pod Is Definitely A Murder Cage, Right?
KFC needs to lay off the herbs and spices.
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- By Tim Hawkman, Luis Prada
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- 39
6 Times The News Went Totally Overboard Chasing A Story
It might sound impossible to anyone living in the year 2017, but once upon a time, there was a thing called a 'slow news day.'
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- By Alex Hanton
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- 54
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Tourists Fined For Borat Costumes Don't Realize It's 2017
Sasha Baron Cohen paid the fines for these mankini-wearing miscreants.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 31
You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family
Do you want to alienate your friends and family, while taking a bold pro-Christmas stance that literally nobody opposes?
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 40
The Plaza Hotel Offers A Home Alone 2 Experience... Finally?
Good news, everyone! The Plaza Hotel in New York has heard your vehement, rabid, horny calls for a 'Home Alone 2'-inspired getaway.
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- By Tim Hawkman, Ian Fortey
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The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/21/17)
We’ve got your dinner conversation covered.
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- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- 245
Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot
Let us have a moment of silence for the poor Weather Channel cameraman whose soul was crushed by this bus.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/26/2017)
Jim Bakker would like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 76
Who Chose Lena Dunham To Represent Millennial Women?
Every time Lena Dunham makes a mistake, the world collectively turns to all Millennial women and says, 'Well, what do you have to say for her?'
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- By Tim Hawkman, Lydia Bugg
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- 259
Somehow 'Plantation Weddings' Are Still A Thing
There is apparently some confusion about the difference between remembering the past and celebrating it.
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- By Anonymous, Andrea Meno
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- 501
What Happened This Week (In 2017)
With so many news sources shouting for your attention, it's hard to figure out what's truly important.
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- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- 339
Who Is The Culprit Behind The Sephora Eyeshadow Caper?
Apparently, there was a trail of little glittery footprints in the wake of the eyeshadow attack.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 38
