The day is finally here. After a painfully-long, four day election, we have a winner -- come January, Joseph R. Biden Jr. will be the 46th president of the United States of America, officially giving Donald Trump what TikTok user @plumsoju is dubbing "the full Covid experience."
"First, he got tested positive, now he's losing his job and getting evicted," the Twitch streamer mused in a viral video.
Yet contracting coronavirus, getting fired by the American public, and being kicked out of the White House aren't the only things going wrong for President Trump. This weekend, POTUS's lawyers held a press conference outside of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a small lawn-care business in an industrial Philadelphia neighborhood.
On Saturday morning, our now lame-duck president announced that his lawyers, including Borat 2 star Rudy Guiliani, would be holding a press conference at the Four Seasons Philadelphia at 11 a.m. "Lawyers press conference at Four Seasons, Philadelphia. 11:00 AM.," POTUS wrote in a since-deleted tweet, immortalized via screenshot by journalist Sasha Issenberg. "Four Seasons Landscaping," he corrected minutes later. "Big press conference today in Philadelphia at Four Seasons Total Landscaping -- 11:30 am"
Following President Trump's post, the luxury hotel chain issued a statement, clarifying that 45's original tweet was, in fact, fake news.
"To clarify, President Trump's press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia. It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping -- no relation with the hotel," their Philadelphia Twitter account wrote.
Moments later, Giuliani, several other staffers, and a man who, according to Politico, is a convicted sex offender, appeared in front of the small business, discussing baseless allegations of voting misconduct, a roll-up garage door plastered with Trump 2020 posters between a crematorium and a poorly-rated sex shop their glamorous backdrop. As the Washington Post put it, "Literally anywhere else would have conveyed more legitimacy on the enterprise, but legitimacy did not seem a high priority for one of the last battles of a lost war." Ouch.
While some Trump staffers told the publication they could not account for this um, unique choice of venue, pinning the location on Pennsylvania's advance team, the damage was still done, Twitter users taking time out of their Biden victory celebrations to absolute dunk on the press conference snafu.
"I could write jokes for 800 years and I'd never think of something funnier than Trump booking the Four Seasons for his big presser, and it turning out to be the Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot between a dildo store and a crematorium," wrote Emmy-Nominated comedy writer, Zack Bornstein.
"This is not over," added actor Patton Oswalt "For we shall mount our righteous stand at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Next to Fantasy Island Adult Books. Across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. Between the fire extinguisher and yellow hose. #MAGA"
Some even compared the mistake to a genius Nathan For You plot. "The plan? We name your landscaping company after a fancy hotel to trick the President of the United States into holding a press conference outside of your business," wrote user @OkSteev alongside a photo of Nathan Fielder.
Even a parody account of the small business popped up to further poke fun at the conference venue.
"Customers, please note, we are VERY busy next week," they posted. "A DC golf course has just reported the surprise appearance of a new bunker which used to be a green. We'll fix it."
Moral of the story? If you're responsible for organizing a press conference, maybe, oh, I don't know, Google your venue first, or risk ending up like POTUS himself -- fired.