Some weeks it's like the news outlets are run by minions and Toy Story aliens.
Some weeks it's like the news is bees and you're Nic Cage.
Some days the news reads like a cryptic note you wrote to yourself in the middle of the night.
'When [Trump] said they're a disruption ... he is the one who is disrupting the morale and combat effectiveness of our services by basically throwing away 15,000 very trained, highly capable warriors.
James Portillo walked away from his inadvertent fame with a more positive opinion of internet commenters than anyone who's ever lived.
Sometimes the news is like a car alarm in a parking garage.
The news outlets are like infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, but without all the Shakespeare.
It's Amazon Prime Day! I was just clicking around in there and found bargains so shockingly low that I'm worried I might go to jail for stealing.