You can thank us later for how smart and interesting you're going to sound to all your friends and families and cats.
Just when you think you've got the news media matrix figured out, somebody reboots it.
It's fun to spend a few minutes every day in a fantasy world where Donald Trump is hours away from impeachment, but a fantasy world is all that is.
Cracked.com: Making you sound smart and/or interesting in a social setting since 1958.
Keeping up with meaningful news stories is like trying to follow a pre-dawn Twitter rant. No reasonable person can be expected to make sense of it all.
For those in Estonia, all-out war with Russia is such a reality, they actively prepare for it.
At some point in the very near future, you are going to need to sound smart and/or interesting. We're here to help with that.
Keeping up with meaningful news stories is like trying to find an M&M in a Skittles factory.
If you want to stay sane over the next four years, stop feeding an outrage addiction that puts money in the pockets of reckless carnival barkers.
Bill Maher is almost as big a piece of garbage as Milo is.
Arguments against the policy are more easily debunked than the myth that sewer gators can bite your buttocks off mid-poop.
We can't promise that any of these fascinating facts will save your life -- or, for that matter, be of any practical use whatsoever.
Curse Milo's sudden but inevitable betrayal of conservative values! If only we could've seen it coming...
Keeping up with the news is like shopping at a big box store. It's busy, it's confusing, and there's just so much of everything.
Grab a beer, you pitchfork-shining renegade.