Cracked Archive - News

Pizza Hut Introduced A Vegan Pizza. Oh The Humanity.
Pizza Hut Introduced A Vegan Pizza. Oh The Humanity.

Not a single one of my vegan or vegetarian friends has ever lectured me about meat.

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Sorry Katy Perry: Scientists Warn Glitter Is A Global Threat
Sorry Katy Perry: Scientists Warn Glitter Is A Global Threat

I'm going to come out with an incredibly brave take: ban glitter.

24
Marvel's Teaser Trailer Is An Ad For An Ad, Made Up Of Ads
Marvel's Teaser Trailer Is An Ad For An Ad, Made Up Of Ads

Marvel Studios has done the impossible.

0
Google's Screen Snooper Alert Software Has Dark Potential
Google's Screen Snooper Alert Software Has Dark Potential

What I do on my phone or computer is between me and my doctor.

1
Prisons Ban Shakespearean Love Sonnets But Allow Mein Kampf
Prisons Ban Shakespearean Love Sonnets But Allow Mein Kampf

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice has taken their book banning to a capricious extreme.

9
The One Good Thing That Could Come From The NYT Nazi Piece
The One Good Thing That Could Come From The NYT Nazi Piece

The New York Times wrote an article profiling a Nazi this weekend, and man, did that not go over well.

0
Trump Thinks Human Memory Is Worse Than A Goldfish's
Trump Thinks Human Memory Is Worse Than A Goldfish's

I wake up every day a blank slate.

27
Inventor of Substitute Phones Is Too Optimistic About Humans
Inventor of Substitute Phones Is Too Optimistic About Humans

We don't love, cherish, and try to legally marry our phones because of our ability to fondle them.

10
'Inspirational' News Stories That Are Anything But
'Inspirational' News Stories That Are Anything But

This is a news genre that normalizes tragedy, papering over economic flaws and pathetic gaps in social services by looking up 'inspiring' in the thesaurus.

0
16 Amazing Things You Probably Didn't Know
16 Amazing Things You Probably Didn't Know

Completely true facts to spice up your small talk game.

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The 6 Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/24
The 6 Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/24

We follow the news, so you don't have to.

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Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants
Watch Your Back Mark Wahlberg: DARPA Is Making Spy Plants

There's a big, glaring weakness with this plant technology, if we are to use them in a wartime scenario ...

13
How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?
How Did This Suggestive Statue Get Past Quality Control?

What sculptor would look at this without even the slightest of niggling doubts?

41
KFC's Escape Pod Is Definitely A Murder Cage, Right?
KFC's Escape Pod Is Definitely A Murder Cage, Right?

KFC needs to lay off the herbs and spices.

39