Cracked Archive - News
People Have Taken Trump's Bleach Suggestion To Weirdo New Frontiers
At least use the scented variety to keep your breath smelling like a fresh meadow.
- Authors
- By Luis Prada
- Published
- Comments
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22
22 Cops Wearing The Punisher Skull Continues To Be Stupid
The police are proving they are some kind of freak combination of Nazi and nerd.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 52
Trump Hid Because His Greatest Fear Is Consequence
The protesters aren’t going away and all Trump can do is hide.
- Authors
- By Luis Prada
- Published
- Comments
- 135
Mike Pence Can't Even Stage A Photo Op Right
Candace Owens is the last person you want in a discussion about George Floyd.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 29
Pornographic Actor Nacho Vidal Arrested For Poisoning Photographer With Psychedelic Toad Venom
In a year full of strange headlines, this might just be the weirdest.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 11
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How To Contribute to Protests (When You’re Very White)
Pull up a chair, folks.
- Authors
- By Mark Hill
- Published
- Comments
- 124
Myths About the Protests, Debunked
George Soros is hiding under your bed and leaving bricks in your stockings.
- Authors
- By Luis Prada
- Published
- Comments
- 63
Dude, It's Only June.
2020 is a year we'll never forget and it's not even half over.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 15
LAPD's Commissioner Getting Clowned On Zoom Was Delightful
For anyone craving a bit of catharsis during all of this violence, trust us, this is better than porn.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 23
'Blackout Tuesday' Immediately Sank Because White Supporters Couldn't Shut Up
Gotta keep those hearts coming at any cost, to the point of metaphysical contradiction.
- Authors
- By Amanda Mannen
- Published
- Comments
- 30
Shut The F Up About Looting Macy's
How do you compare the destruction of large retail chains to what happens to Black people everyday? I don't know, but people are trying.
- Authors
- By Dan Duddy
- Published
- Comments
- 136
K-Pop Stans And Hackers Are Sabotaging Cops With Music Bombs
A pitched battle.
- Authors
- By Cedric Voets
- Published
- Comments
- 28
Workplace Horror Stories From Famous Companies
Every company has its embarrassing secrets, these are even worse.
- Authors
- By Alex Hanton
- Published
- Comments
- 18
Jeffrey Epstein Had An 'Egg-Shaped Penis'
There's nothing wrong with having an egg-shaped penis, like Jeffrey Epstein.
- Authors
- By Amanda Mannen
- Published
- Comments
- 31
Unexpected Groups That Are Getting Torn Apart By Drama
Small communities, major drama.
- Authors
- By Cedric Voets
- Published
- Comments
- 65
