Cracked Archive - News

Designer Pasta Means Rich People Have Run Out Of Ideas

I don't understand how you can make dried pasta gourmet.


The ACLU Should Use Truck Nuts As A Free Speech Precedent

I'm not some kind of fancy city lawyer, but if you can apply this law to a bumper sticker, what of truck nuts?


We Fantasy Cast The New Mario Bros, You're Welcome, Nintendo

We feel that we can do Mario justice.


Affleck Seems To Think It's Ok To Joke About Harassment Now

Powerful men are accustomed to a certain amount of formulaic lenience.


What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/19/2017)

Sexy comes in many different, subjective flavors.


The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/14/17)

We follow the news, so you don't have to.


How To Keep The 'LOTR' Series From Being An Expensive Flop

Amazon just paid half of all the money in the world to get the right to Lord of the Rings .


Are Gorillas Using Tinder Now? Spoilers: No, They're Not

As adorable as this video is, it's important to remember that gorilla body language doesn't always translate well to humans.


There's Gourmet Sushi For Dogs (Who Lick Their Own Butts)

Dogs need a lot of love, cuddles, food, and occasionally, for their owner to clean poop off their butt fur.


The DC Universe Is Just A String Of Nonsensical Reboots

Hey! 'Justice League' comes out this Friday. Y'all excited about that?


The BBC Quoted A Hardcore Porn Website's Anti-Trump Tweet

I'm offended by the implication that hardcore porn sites can't have political opinions.


Smart Hannity Fans Smash Their Own Coffee Makers In Protest

You know what really triggers liberals? When you destroy your own expensive property.


5 Famous News Stories You Didn't Know Had Insane Epilogues

The news cycle tends to operate with the attention span of a coked-up fruit fly.


What Stupid News About Millennials Is There Now? (11/14/17)

Millennials don't deserve the rap they get.


Why Hollywood Predators Out Themselves In Their Work

Louis CK's 'I Love You, Daddy' just got exponentially more uncomfortably depraved.