13 Jokes About Bullies for the Comedy Hall of Fame
To be bullied is to be human. Being bullied by someone, whether it’s a classmate, a coworker or some random asshole, is a nigh-universal experience (unless you were the asshole doing the bullying). Several of these bullied folks, however, grew up to become comedians and comedy writers for television shows and films as a means of catharsis. That, or to make enough money in entertainment to pay someone to beat up their bully for them decades later.
Either way, the trauma has led to hilarious bits, so here are some Hall of Fame jokes and moments about bullies...
Tom Segura Bullies His Son’s Bully
After seeing his two-year-old being bullied by a four-year-old, the 40-something-year-old Segura fought back.
Sarah Millican’s School Bully Emailed Her
Millican shared an email from her old school bully, who didn’t seem to remember how she psychologically tortured her by making her “buy her insult” in a teen magazine.
Teddy Ray’s ‘Character Carving’
“I had bad eczema growing up. I was about to hop on the bus before the doors could close; one of the homies yelled out, ‘Hey! You need an ocean of lotion!’ And then the doors just closed. Then I was on the bus just puzzled like, ‘Did he just rhyme?’ He can talk about me, but don’t make it rhyme.”
Biff Getting Manure’d in the ‘Back to the Future’ Trilogy
Generations of the Tannen bloodline have been cruel, dimwitted bullies with one thing that unifies them all: their hatred of cattle feces.
Griff Banks, the Sensitive Bully
On Late Night with Seth Meyers, a sketch script from Meyers’ Saturday Night Live days was given new life as they presented a bully that was “kind of a puss.”
Peter Parker Beats on Flash Thompson
In the first Spider-Man film, Peter discovers more about his powers in an amusing fashion while defending himself against bully Flash Thompson.
Liz Lemon Discovers She Was a Bully
On 30 Rock, Liz thought she grew up as a nerd (and she was), but realizes at her high school reunion that she was the school bully all along.
Guy Sucks at Picking Fights from ‘Kids in the Hall’
Jason Statham Bullies Nick Kroll (In Kroll’s Head)
“I do everything in my power to be as attractive as possible, and tonight that’s to look like one of Christopher from The Sopranos’ friends.”
‘SNL’s The Loser
John Krasinski defends his little brother from bullies — a little too well.
Drew Lynch Thinks You Shouldn’t Bully (Because They Could Be a Cannibal)
“It just goes to show why you don’t bully people. You never know who’s a cannibal. Because every day, dudes going to school with him are going, ‘Hey, Dahmer! Eat a bag of dicks!’ And he took that personally.”
‘Key & Peele’s Self-Aware School Bully
It’s the only defense mechanism he has! He’s just going to internalize his pain and unknowingly transfer it to his victims!
John Mulaney’s Racial Bully Problem
“When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I am not Asian-American.”