‘A Lot of Hollywood People Take Mushrooms to Heal the Trauma of Being Millionaires’: Whitney Cummings’ on Drugs in Show Business
During yesterday’s “holiday,” Whitney Cummings did something we rarely see from a comedian: She expressed an original opinion on the topic of 4/20. Said Cummings, “I believe, hot take, that we should criminalize marijuana — but just in Hollywood.”
Unlike many comics, the OnlyFans stand-up star does not celebrate 4/20, nor is she enamored with the high-end drug culture that countless celebrities flaunt with their boutique weed companies and $485 joint rolling trays. Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Cummings walked Kimmel through her unfortunate experience with weed edibles during the pandemic, an experiment that quickly devolved into a hair-dying session and a hasty tattoo decision. Many of us have probably met a couple college freshmen whose first time trying pot brownies went down a similar route.
Cummings believes that the entertainment industry’s drug habit needs to be reined in, and her evidence is pretty unimpeachable. “I don’t know if you guys noticed, but there was a movie that came out where Idris Elba was a cat,” she said. “Someone animated a butthole on the great Idris Elba and we just let it slide.” Whether or not you think that the entertainment industry should end its reefer madness, everyone can agree that Cats was Hollywood’s rock bottom in more ways than one.
“There was a movie where Tom Hanks played Mr. Rogers and no one noticed!” Cummings complained. “They’d rather focus on his Jamaican rapper son — that’s drugs.”
Obviously, weed isn’t the only drug that infests the movie industry, Cummings clarified. “If you’re not on edibles, you’re microdosing mushrooms,” Cummings explained of her colleagues. “A lot of Hollywood people take mushrooms to heal the trauma of being millionaires. It’s rough, I don’t know how they do it.”
Cummings’ campaign to dry out Hollywood is unlikely to have many supporters among her peers, but it’s fun to wonder what would happen if the decision-makers in the entertainment industry were suddenly replaced with sober people. Would we see a drop-off in cooking competition shows? Would popular animated blockbusters like The Mario Bros. Movie start to have coherent stories? Who the hell would write all the Adult Swim shows?
One thing is for sure, though: If Cummings ever succeeds in banning bud from comedy, Seth Rogen will go bankrupt.