15 More Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
A lot of people ask how the jokes in the Comedy Hall of Fame are displayed. Little TVs everywhere? Plaques? Ribbons? We actually wrap all the jokes in blankets and you view them through a window like a room of newborns. Anyway…here are 14 more great jokes and bits for the Comedy Hall Of Fame.
“One time a guy handed me a picture and said, “here’s a picture of me when I was younger.” Every picture is of you when you were younger.”
“I was driving past the gas station there were two signs in the window, ‘help wanted’ and ‘self-service’... so I went in and hired myself.”
First 48: the funniest bit from Segura’s first Netflix special, Completely Normal. Once you hear this one, you’ll be a lifelong Segura fan.
Related: 15 More Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
"I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' And I said, ‘I am.’"
“Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.”
You want to talk about Hall of Fame jokes? I think by default “Hot Pockets” gets its own room, the joke that introduced much of the world to Jim Gaffigan.
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where's the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullsh*t. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.
“A new study found that men with beards are more attractive than men without beards. More great work from the University Of Bob Seger.”
“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
I called a detox center - just to see how much it would cost: $13,000 for three weeks! My friends, if you can come up with thirteen grand, you don't have a problem yet.
John Mulaney’s Magnum Opus: The “What’s New Pussycat” story. After seeing this bit for the first time, you could tell we were going to be seeing this guy around for a while.
“I get lots of emails trying to convince me to buy a penis enlargement kit. I don't need a penis enlargement kit. I'm perfectly happy with the penis enlargement kit I've got at home.”
For exclusive ComedyNerd content and more, subscribe to our spiffy newsletter:
Top Image: Comedy Central