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There are lazy jokes. There are even some straight up stolen jokes. Not these jokes. These classic gems are our most recent nominations for induction into The Comedy Hall Of Fame.

 

Chris Rock stand-up

HBO

“You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders.”

In a hilarious piece of social commentary, this joke on his 1999 special, “Bigger & Blacker” came just a few months after the Columbine shooting, and a recent spike in nationwide gun violence.

 

Norm Macdonald

Norm Macdonald stand-up

WarnerMedia

“I once walked in on my parents having sex. It was the most embarrassing thirty minutes of my life."

Thirty minutes?! Damn… Norm’s dad was something.

 

Maria Bamford

Maria Bamford stand-up

Comedy Central

“I think before giving me a credit card, they should have given me a math test. A series of story problems. “If Maria’s boyfriend is in a folk band but he only smokes pot every other day, what percentage of the rent will he be able to contribute?” Now I thought 50%. But the answer is zero.”

A calculator for hypotheticals… I’ll take two!

 

Bill Burr

Bill Burr stand-up

Netflix

“Why would you listen to another human being tell you where you’re going to go when you die? Dude, have you ever been dead? No. So, wouldn’t it be safe to assume that you wouldn’t have the slightest f*cking idea what you’re talking about.”

Yeah, Aunt Diane! Now, please pass the stuffing!

 

Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks stand-up

ICM Partners

"People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime — who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?“

From his 1993 album (eerily titled) “Revelations” one year before he passed away.

 

Bob Saget

Bob Saget stand-up

Comedy Central

"I told my girlfriend. Tonight when I come home, I wanna make love to you badly, and she said, ‘At least you don’t overestimate yourself.”

Just a quick one. The joke. The joke was a quick one. Thanks, Bob - RIP.

Top image: Netflix

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