'Spider-Man: No Way Home's' Tony Revolori Answers 22 Extremely Dumb Questions

After a long wait, Spider-Man: No Way Home is finally swinging into theaters. To celebrate, Cracked is doing a deep dive into the pop-culture web that our friendly neighborhood wall-crawler has spun for almost six decades. Check the previous installments here:

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The day is finally here. After spending the past year and change parkouring through spoilers and observing Andrew Garfield's slow descent into madness after being repeatedly asked if he and Tobey Maguire will reprise their respective roles as Peter Parker in the MCU multiverse, Spider-Man: No Way Home finally hit the big screen today. In honor of this momentous Marvel occasion, I annoyed my dear friend Tony Revolori – a.k.a the actor behind the MCU's Flash Thompson – by asking him 22 of the dumbest questions I could possibly think of. From his favorite explanation for the Fermi Paradox to what happened to his tiny “Lobby Boy” hat from The Grand Budapest Hotel, here's what Tony had to say – because as we all know, movie stars have literally nothing better to do than write regret-fueled haikus and design breakfast cereal mascots. 

This (spoiler-free) interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity.

Cracked: You were in the movie The Long Dumb Road. What is the longest, dumbest, road you’ve ever walked, biked, or driven down?

Tony Revolori: Drove in Malvern, Pennsylvania and they had some of the dumbest roads with lights that never changed even if no one but you were there.

C: How do you grout a shower?

TR: Go on YouTube, write that question in, and then follow instructions. It’s fool-proof.

C: Weirdest fan fiction plot you’ve ever seen featuring yourself?

TR: Hahahaha. Seen a lot of NSFW ones. But Google is your friend. Enjoy!

C: Describe, in detail, a time in which you woke up at 3 am to the sound of the George Lopez theme song.

TR: Sadly that hasn’t happened..... yet.

C: Favorite existential crisis?

TR: There being no toilet paper after you’ve already sat on the toilet.

C: What’s an interview question you wish someone would ask?

TR: "Why do you love film cameras and watches?”

C: Why do you love film cameras and watches?

TR: Because they’re so cool. Watches are fashionable in every occasion. And film cameras, I love for the idea that you get ... one shot. One opportunity. To seize everything you ever wanted. Would you capture it? Or just let it slip.

C: Do you ever get recognized for your groundbreaking work as “Son” in Entourage circa 2007?

TR: Actually... hahaha when that episode came out I did. And was almost in the movie to reprise my role. 

C: Fill in the first lyric that comes to mind — “Shawty …”

TR: “It’s your birthday, we gonna party like it’s your birthday.”

C: Tell Us Now: Can you get the entire Cracked staff on Raya?

TR: No, sorry :(.

C: Favorite fun fact?

TR: Dolphins wingman their fellow dolphin bros.

C: You were in the movie Please Stand By. What was the longest time you’ve ever waited in line OR been placed on hold? Was it actually worth it?

TR: Waited an hour for SUGARFISH (a sushi restaurant in Los Angeles) and it was very, very worth it. 

C: Favorite explanation for the Fermi paradox?

TR: They’re just as lazy as us so they don’t wanna bother with us -- or they’ve seen our reality TV.

C: My boss wanted me to ask you this — did you get to keep the little hat from The Grand Budapest Hotel?

TR: No.

C. Make your own Lana Del Rey song by filling in the blanks: “___ is a dangerous thing for a  ______ like me to have, but I have it.”

TR: “Pizza” then “boy.”

C: Write a haiku about this impromptu interview and/or any topic of your choosing

TR: How do you convince

Me to do this type of thing?

Though regret, not today.

C: How do we *actually* pronounce Saoirse Ronan?

TR: “Sersha” like “inertia.”

C: Favorite breakfast cereal mascot that doesn’t exist yet?

TR: A regular dude who’s really tired from work coming home and sitting having a beer as the mascot for life cereal.

C: How did you get into character to play the world’s first sentient dolphin with free will on the children's show OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes?

TR: Wasn’t the first, and honestly? I watched Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy's opening scene.

C: If you could request any government document through the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), what would it be?

TR: Maybe, a document that transparently tell you what the government is spending our taxes on. 

C: Why am I, Carly Tennes, the voice of our generation?

TR: Because you’re basically Murphy’s law. ‘Anything that can go wrong. Will’ and you love memes.

Top Image: Sony Pictures

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

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