In The Role Of A Lifetime, Nic Cage Will Play ... Nic Cage

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Actor and Holy Grail aficionado Nicolas Cage has taken a lot of bold risks on a series of smaller independent films in recent years, a lot of which will only be watched by people hosting bad movie podcasts. But he needs to do as many as possible to make up some of that $150 million fortune he blew through. That's why a starring role in the upcoming film The Unbearable Weight Of Massive Talent is the role Nic Cage was born to play because he'll be playing himself. That is, just a slightly more exaggerated version of himself after he's gone broke and is forced to accept a $1 million offer to attend the birthday party of one of his biggest fans, a Mexican billionaire.

There a strange little flaw in the idea: it presupposes that there's such a thing as a "normal" Nicolas Cage that can be heightened to ridiculous extremes. If you only know his career as a man who regularly delivers performances like this...

Then there's not much to exaggerate. Of course, you could argue that the characters he plays should not be misconstrued for the man he is. That would be sage wisdom if only Nicholas Cage weren't also the guy who lost his fortune because had 15 houses (including two European castles), an island in the Bahamas, a collection of shrunken pygmy heads, a $150,000 pet octopus, and a $276,000 dinosaur skull.

Those are the spending habits of a man whose descriptors begin at "Todd from Bojack Horseman" and scale up from there. To be fair, there's a chance he also bought a lot of common things, like food -- Froot Loops and spinach and the like -- but I'm not entirely sure he isn't so eccentric that he simply sucks in schools of krill like a land whale. If there's anyone in Hollywood who sucks in crustaceans directly from the briny skies of Los Angeles through $400,000 surgically-implanted whale-teeth filters, it's Nic Cage. So yeah, this movie is going to A) have to work really hard to make us think Nicolas Cage is any more ridiculous than we already know he is; and B) will make a great double feature with his extraterrestrial UFC flick.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's And listen for his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

For more, check out A Vengeful Taylor Swift Unleashes Hell (And Tweens) and Meet Quilty, The Leader Of Several Cat Shelter Jail Breaks.

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