Nicolas Cage's New Movie Is About Alien MMA (Yup)
For everything there is a season, and while we say goodbye to the cold and gray of winter for the sunshine of spring, a different kind of springtime is about to come to an end. For after a brief but radiant time starring in some of the greatest movies of 2018, now comes the winter of being discontent with Nicolas Cage's career choices.
The Hollywood Reporter has announced that Cage has signed on to co-star in the martial arts action-em-up Jiu Jitsu, directed by Dimitri Logothetis (best-known for directing the latest straight-into-your-Netflix-queue Kickboxer sequels). Based on the filmmaker's own comic book, the movie centers around a martial artist who must defeat an alien called Brax, who, like the drunk aunt at a family reunion, comes to Earth every couple of years to get into a big fight. Cage is set to play the over-the-hill guy who will team up with stunt fighter protagonist Alain Moussi, meaning he won't even get to be the guy who slowly wrestles the alien into submission while staring madly at it. Bummer.
Now, while Reddit denizens are already peeing in their oversized theater cups with excitement about how awesomely awful Jiu Jitsu will be, there's a more than equal chance it won't be The Wicker Man bad-great, but just The Sorcerer's Apprentice bad-bad. As we've mentioned before, Cage seems to absorb the kind of crazy his directors project. That's why if you pair him with the kind of crazy that thinks it's a good idea to make a low-budget '70s synth horror movie about male insecurity, you get a genius movie like Mandy, but if you pair him with kind of crazy that thinks a seventh Death Wish sequel is what the world craves, you wind up getting one of the half-dozen B-movies he'll be starring in just in 2019.
That doesn't mean Jiu Jitsu doesn't have the potential to blow our minds -- or, conversely, just be a blip in an awesome 2019 that will also see Cage star in a Lovecraft adaptation and a ghost-hunting movie the madman himself has described as "the wildest movie I've ever made." But be warned, it's just as safe to assume we'll soon feel the boring chill of paycheck-cashing Cage yet again.
For more weird tangents and his personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
Support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.
Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.