Kanye's New Eco-Friendly Shoe Looks Like An Alien Penis
As I've mentioned in my previous writings on professional weirdo Kanye West, damn near everything he does can be put into one of two categories: 1) good and well-meaning, and 2) insane and/or egomaniacal (tragically, it is "and" so much more than it is "or"). And often, the goodness of the former will be corrupted by the lunacy of the latter. It is law. It even applies to his newly announced Yeezy Foam Runners sneaker, due out in 2020 for the relatively low price of $75.
Here's the well-meaning first part: The sneakers are eco-friendly. Kanye genuinely seems to care about producing sneakers made of sustainable materials. The Yeezy Foam Runner still uses a petroleum-based rubber, but it's partially made using pond-sourced algae foam. He also promises that every single sneaker will be made in the United States. The insane twist is that the shoes look like this:
That's not a shoe. That's a sentient alien fungus that will slowly take over the Enterprise unless Picard can talk it into invading an uninhabited planet instead. It's a shoe designed exclusively for Swedish millennial clog dancers who want to clog more sustainably and aerodynamically than their wood-shod forefathers. It is the larval stage of a Nerf football. And yet it does sort of look like one distilled "Kanye West" into shoe form. So ... good job? Maybe?
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