Steve Harvey's Ill-Advised Joke About Flint's Water Crisis
What is everyone on your social media feed up in arms about today? Right now, it's this:
The joke was in response to a caller who said that Cleveland, "didn't deserve jack" after losing the NBA finals. Harvey, who at one time lived in Cleveland before he began hosting 18 shows, took exception to that and fired off a series of insults referencing the Flint water crisis. His co-hosts reportedly pleaded with him to "reel it in", a phrase Harvey probably should have tattooed onto the palm of his hand.
An image has gone viral of a regal husky whose entire body has been shaved, sparing only his head. This creates the illusion that the Husky toner ran out while printing the rest of the dog. Now the internet is aflame with debate over whether this is funny or cruel. On the funny side: look at this doofus and his bobble head. On the cruel side: apparently Huskies have a "double coat," two layers of fur that insulates the dog, keeping it both warm in the winter and cool in the summer. The dog won't die, except perhaps of embarrassment. However it may hinder the dog's ability to keep comfortable, and shaving it repeatedly could prevent the coat from growing back correctly. But by all means, keep humiliating your muscular dog with jaws that can crush bone.
After New Zealand's NewsHub website reached out to Lorde's management, the onion ring account was immediately shut down. What kind of sick, twisted world do we live in where a famous musician can't even rate onion rings in peace? That account was for her family and close friends, so they could see her opinion on onion rings. And she's been deprived even that human normalcy. Paparazzi culture is a disease. #LetLordeRateOnionRingsInPeaceYouMediaVultures.
Right on the heels of Kurt Eichenwald's tentacle pornGhaziGate, lawmaker Ramon Perez in Rhode Island accidentally shared not one, but several browser tabs of porn. These required little detective work to determine their porny origin, as the tabs included keywords such as "young," "brunette," "teen" (twice), and "candy PO." Look, we're not mad that you look at porn, guys. Admittedly, any porn with "teen" or "young" in the title is all sorts of creepy. But are you so strapped for time that you can't bother to close your tabs before taking a screenshot? Do you rush in and out of meetings hastily looking at porn during your breaks, with barely enough time to pull up your pants? Or does the Wikipedia article on the Puerto Rico Automobile Accident Compensation Administration get you so horny you can't focus on anything else? According to Perez, he was provided the screenshot by a "friend" whom he'd asked to do the research. If true, his "friend" sounds more like "someone who hates him and has been planning revenge for some time."
The list of the top 100 highest-paid celebrities contained a few surprises. Guns N' Roses ranked at #11, after the much anticipated reunion of Axl Rose and the Babadook. David Copperfield continues to be the worlds richest magician, proving that magic is a sexy, worthwhile profession for confident and well adjusted young men. We learned that Ryan Seacrest is still alive, and is richer than Taylor Swift. More like Taylor Thrift because she's poor as shit.
We can thank Illinois Democrat Mike Quigley for this piece of legislation that was labeled in an intentionally sarcastic way in order to grab headlines just like this one. Yet, it does touch on an interesting legal issue regarding whether or not the things Trump tweets from the toilet at two in the morning are official presidential records that, by law, must be preserved for the future (the original tweet containing the "covfefe" typo has been deleted). It turns out the authors of the existing laws never anticipated anything like this happening in even their most delirious fever dreams.