Write For Cracked: We Will Pay Your Ass To Do It

If you want to try writing for Cracked, click here and follow the instructions. We're looking for as many good freelance contributors as we can find.

You might have heard that Cracked was recently purchased by E.W. Scripps for the reasonable sum of $39 million.

Write For Cracked: We Will Pay Your Ass To Do ItRecode

What exactly were they buying? The greatness that is hidden in people like you. No, this isn't a cult -- it's just a great opportunity for you to sell us stuff you wrote and, over time, maybe get a job out of it. As such, now and then we like to relay all of the amazing ways people's lives have changed since they started working for this site. This one is from prolific contributor Carolyn Burke, who should know better than anyone:

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Just a little over two years ago I was living off of public assistance, renting a terrible apartment where pretty much everything was broken, and had no prospects whatsoever. My childhood was rough and my adult life was shaping up to be about the same, until I finally took the leap and joined the Cracked Writers Workshop.

I had been a fan of Cracked since the beginning but didn't feel I had the experience or education to warrant a successful writing gig (never mind my low self-esteem and social anxiety). Clicking that link was terrifying. Thankfully, the Workshop is filled with some pretty great people (like Evan Symon, who would offer up a new direction when my article's premise wasn't landing quite right, or David C. Bell, who repeatedly taught me the difference between the various types of articles Cracked does, because I had literally no idea what I was doing). Since then, I've joined several of the Cracked teams. I've written articles and videos; I get to interview people and learn about the most important, painful, beautiful moments in their lives. I get to live well doing what I love. I now have a stable income, a great home, and a future so bright I have to use cheesy '80s references just to describe it.

Write For Cracked: We Will Pay Your Ass To Do ItCapitol Music Group
Close enough.

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From a reader's point of view, it might not be clear all of the many different ways you can get paid to do stuff for this site, right off the street. Most people know Cracked for informative yet ridiculous list articles on every subject from Medieval history to sex toys. If you're not into that and think you're better suited to writing video scripts, Cracked Interrupts has got you.

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Do you have a crazy, original theory about your favorite movie or TV show? That's cool, pitch it as one of our new Fan Theory pieces. Do you have a keen eye and unique point-of-view for current news? Try your hand at a Quick Fix. Want to inflict hilarious torture upon yourself for glory and profit? Tell us what you have in mind.

Do you dream of being a Cracked columnist and long for the ability to shout your opinions to hundreds of thousands of people but are intimidated by the many years it surely takes to reach that status? Fear not, because anyone can pitch a column now. Have you lived through a unique experience or held an obscure job, or do you have some other cool story to tell? Pitch it to the Personal Experience team and we'll literally pay you to talk about your own life. Do you have rudimentary-to-expert photo-editing skills? You can start posting stuff in one of our contests at any moment. And, of course, you can always stick to the traditional Cracked.com list format, the foundation upon which our apparent $39 million empire was built.

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Maybe you aren't interested in any of those options. That's OK. Even if you have some crazy new idea that doesn't fit anything you've ever seen on the site before, we want to see it. We're ready and willing to shake things up. Who knows, maybe you could be responsible for a whole new genre of content on the site.

All you have to do is join the Workshop right here:

Write For Cracked: We Will Pay Your Ass To Do ItCracked.com
You can even click the picture instead of the hyperlink if that's more your thing. We got you.

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The Workshop is, in fact, just a private message board where we pitch ideas, brainstorm new content, and collaborate with fellow writers and the Cracked editors. It's also where we celebrate each other's achievements, support one another through tough times, and where we foster genuine friendships and working relationships. Signing up to write for Cracked is like joining a slightly inappropriate family where every member is the overly enthusiastic drunk uncle who just really wants to see you succeed, kid. And there's always room for more branches on our family tree. You can never have too many drunk uncles. All you have to do is click this link.

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The vast majority of full-time staff members started exactly that way -- by signing up and pitching a single article idea, then getting it accepted. You would be getting paid on a per-article basis, and how much you make is limited only by how much you can do.

Write For Cracked: We Will Pay Your Ass To Do ItUnsplash/Pixabay
And as we mentioned, we have a whole staff to help you do as much as you can.

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We know this is a lot to take in. If you're nervous or overwhelmed by any of it, rest assured that what hasn't changed is our dedication to making you feel welcome and confident in the Workshop -- it's intended to be a jerk-free zone. Our moderators and editors are dedicated to helping you make your pitch everything it can be. We'll be there every step of the way to offer advice, ideas, whatever. Everyone can see the feedback everyone else is getting -- if you don't know how to write for an audience, this is the quickest way to learn.

We don't care about your education or work history. We aren't going to razz you if you format all your pitches wrong or if you're a douche who refuses to use capital letters, like I did. All we ask is that you behave respectfully in the Workshop and have a passion for creating informative and funny content.

Finding your own personal niche has never been easier than it is right now -- that's because we want to embrace change and all the opportunities that come along with it. We're ready to embark on the next excellent adventure; are you?

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