Anyone who's ever worked with children knows that being sweet and wholesome all day is exhausting. As soon as you go on break you want to do a shot of vodka or tell a filthy joke, because otherwise all the saccharine innocence would drive you crazy. That's why the teacher's lounge always smelled like cigarettes and cursing.
The cast and crew of children's TV are no exception, except when they unwind, they tend to do it in ways that forever color our memories of our favorite cartoons and Nickelodeon game shows with the knowledge that nefarious boner jokes were lurking just off-screen.
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Batman's Burt Ward Fucked Everything With His Giant Penis (According to Burt Ward)
20th Century Fox Television
Back in 1966, the Batman TV show starring Adam West and Burt Ward was a legitimate phenomenon. The campy, absurdist pop art masterpiece was a huge hit with kids who took it at face value as the unfiltered adventures of one of their favorite superheroes, and adults who praised the show for its deadpan silliness. The show was so huge that Adam West got to fly to Italy and meet the Pope while extremely hung over.
For some reason, the show's two leads were especially popular with women, because there is apparently nothing sexier than a man in an ill-fitting bat costume and his cherubic adult sidekick. And Ward minces no words telling everyone and anyone about his green-shorted sexual escapades. According to Ward's autobiography, Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights, female humans couldn't wait to throw themselves at him and his co-star. As Ward put it, "Everyone wanted our Bat Sperm in every orifice." Not to be pedants, but technically, only West can refer to his baby gravy as "Bat Sperm."
20th Century Fox Television
The two front utility pouches are just filled with condoms and lube.
As if to prove that this anecdote had plenty of room to get way creepier, Ward goes on to describe himself and his co-star as "sexual vampires" who had "super hero sex with young fans".
The show's popularity fizzled, and it was cancelled after three seasons. West struggled with typecasting and drunken public appearances for years before eventually finding voice-over work on shows like Family Guy, in which he plays Mayor Adam West, the role he was born to play. As for Ward, when he isn't trying like hell to convince the world that he invented a brand of pet food that will give your dogs eternal life ...
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