Everyone with peanut allergies who was reading this article just died. Sorry.
So it makes sense that the FDA would track those slightly better than China tracks DVD pirates, right? Yes it does, and that's why we were very confused to discover that a whopping 35 percent of all food recalls in 2012 were due to food allergens. How does that happen? Doesn't the FDA know what companies are putting in their food? You're not allowed to put in whatever chemical shit you want, right? Do hypothetical questions ever have good answers on this website?
Apparently no, the FDA doesn't keep track of everything those little industry rascals are putting in our food. The FDA has a term for certain additives: "GRAS," which stands for "Generally Recognized As Safe." They also have several separate lists of approved GRAS additives, but they're not all-inclusive. In fact, they consider the task of listing all GRAS food additives to be impracticable (because that sounds better than "can't be arsed to do it"). Not only that, but thanks to a loophole in an ancient law, food companies can declare their use of food additives to be GRAS and the FDA doesn't even have to know they're doing it. We aren't politicians, but we're fairly certain that declaring what foods are safe is the FDA's entire freaking job.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration
"That better not be poison, mister! Just kidding. We wouldn't know."
Since the FDA's taking a fairly chill stance and being the "cool dad" on the whole GRAS thing, it should come as no surprise that some comically dangerous shit is showing up in our food. A substance called mycoprotein, also known as Quorn (slogan: "it's like corn, but fucked up!"), has been showing up in vegetarian foods in the UK and the US, among other places, despite studies showing that it can cause symptoms ranging from nausea to anaphylactic shock. Others have been linked to things like fetal leukemia or testicular degeneration, which 50 percent of respondents agree is the worst kind of degeneration.
And if that weren't enough of a kick in the chemically-degenerated balls, it turns out that even if food does include one of the eight major allergens, it's not required to have a warning label. All they need to do is state the allergen somewhere on the package, such as in the ingredients list in tiny font. Essentially, if you have food allergies, you should encase yourself in a plastic bubble and only eat food you grew yourself.
Coke Pays "Health Experts" To Say Coke Is A Healthy Snack
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If you're one of those weird people with a "not dying of a heart attack" fetish, you may have noticed that in February, as part of National Heart Month (sorry about that, Black History Month), a number of nutritional experts wrote blog posts about healthy eating. A common recommendation in their articles? Drinking a refreshing can of Coke as a healthy snack. Well, if we can't trust the experts, then-- who are we kidding, we can't even finish this sentence.
When asked about the posts, Coca-Cola owned up to paying them off, saying that "every big brand works with bloggers or has paid talent," according to the Associated Press. In a number of the blogs, the authors were disclosed to be "consultants" for the food industry, while a particularly popular one was mentioned to be "sponsored content" at the very bottom, which surely made a huge difference for the one percent of people who read articles to the end.
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For instance, we could say anything in this caption and no one would notice. You dumb bastard.
A smaller can of soda is healthier than a normal-sized can of soda, but in the same sense that stabbing yourself with one knife is better than stabbing yourself with two. The smaller cans still contain 90 calories of high-fructose corn syrup, the highly tasty but fattening substance that makes you shovel Doritos into your face until you end up with Garfield's complexion. One nutrition professor from Tufts University said that she "wouldn't recommend soda as a snack" while noting that less soda is obviously better than more soda. At the same time, one of the paid consultants stood by her decision, while noting that she doesn't drink soda herself.
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"I love Coca-Cola, though. I eat it all the time."
If you are looking for a nice healthy drink, we always recommend a nice glass of water ... unless, of course, there's arsenic in that, too. Goddamn it.
Also check out 6 Gross Foods from a 50's Cookbook (That We Taste Tested) and 41 Amazing Food Tricks You Won't Believe You Didn't Know.