In Brobdingnag, some of the queen's maids see no problem with stripping naked, changing in front of Gulliver, and even resting him on their bosoms. Gulliver gives a pretty horrifying account of their skin blemishes and large pores, and even the terrible odors emanating from their bodies, which will knock the wind out of anyone's boner-sails. One maid puts Gulliver right on her nipple, which will no doubt afford some of you many an exhilarating masturbation fantasy tonight. But the worst by far was when poor Gully was used as a sex toy to pleasure the maids -- he mentions "many other tricks, wherein the reader will excuse me for not being over particular." So hey, he and Ant-Man really do have something in common!
The Canterbury Tales Popularized English Prose, Rim Jobs
The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer is a collection of stories within a story about a group of bored pilgrims spinning yarns about life in the Middle Ages. Oh, and it single-handedly established English as a written language (up until this point, most works were written primarily in French or Latin). At the time, English was considered too clumsy and barbaric compared to the other Romance languages.
"I like large shanks and cannot speak untruth.
My fellow brothers cannot refute."
The Canterbury Tales changed this perception. Written in Middle English in the late 1300s, it presented beautiful descriptions of fair country maids and the escapades of jousting knights. So it was some of the purest, most pristine writing known to humanity, right?
Oh, goodness no.
Let's start with "The Miller's Tale," a story of rim jobs and anal torture.
The tale involves an affair between a student named Nicholas and the married woman he is boarding with, Alison. A local parish clerk, Absalom (who is also obsessed with Alison), decides to come to her window the same night she and Nicholas are enjoying medieval boning. Absalom stands outside her house, begging for a kiss. She acquiesces and sticks her ass out the window for a smooch -- which he delivers.
"Say, did you have corn for dinner?"