Every now and then, some company decides to put a major marketing campaign in the hands of online voters, because they apparently do not understand that the Internet is populated by people who use the Internet.
#6. Greenpeace Names a Whale
Greenpeace tagged a group of whales in the South Pacific in an attempt to keep them from being poached by the Japanese, because it would appear that Greenpeace tags can deflect harpoon blasts. They then held an online poll to name the animals. The finalist names included Kaimana (Hawaiian for "power of the ocean"), Shanti (Sanskrit for "tranquility"), and for some reason Mr. Splashy Pants, which sounds less like a whale and more like a man shitting himself in an uncontrollable frenzy. To the surprise of absolutely no one, the contest was soon swallowed up by Reddit and Boing Boing, who showered Mr. Splashy Pants with 78 percent of the vote before turning him into a meme, because that's how the Internet works.
#5. Walmart Sponsors a Pitbull Concert
When Walmart held a contest to stage a Pitbull concert in the city of the Walmart location that received the most likes on Facebook (because evidently each one is required to maintain a social media presence), the website Something Awful started a campaign encouraging everyone to vote for a Walmart in rural Alaska, which then handily won the contest.
To his credit, Pitbull honored his end of the deal and flew out to Alaska to perform a rap concert in the middle of buttfucking nowhere.
Where he was given a ceremonial baby and made no attempt to blend in.
#4. American Apparel Holds a Contest for Fat Models
Recently, American Apparel began selling some of their clothes in the image-shattering size of XL, a decision that certainly had nothing to do with having narrowly avoided bankruptcy.
To commemorate this historic event, American Apparel launched a contest called "The Next BIG Thing," because "Fatty Patty's Boulder Holders" would've been a little too on-the-nose. Size 12 women (provided they were "booty-ful" and had "full size fannies") were invited to upload photos of themselves for the Internet to rate on a scale from "Not Quite" to "Xlent."
Nancy Upton, taking umbrage at the contest's incredibly offensive verbiage, decided to submit pictures of herself bathing in ranch dressing and chocolate sauce and holding a pie over her vagina.
Nancy easily earned the most votes, but American Apparel declined to have her represent their company.