Cracked Round-Up: April Fool's Edition!


Yet another April Fool's day has come and gone. This year was much more subdued than it usually is. Most of the credit for that is due to the new "pipe bombs do not count as pranks" policy from corporate. The medical bills were cutting too far into our bottom line.

Our week kicked off with a groundbreaking article on human/zombie relations by Ian Fortey. Next, Bucholz advised our readers on scorin' wit da ladies. Cody mused over Seth MacFarlane's next move, while Seanbaby took on the fertile topic of boastful bullshit. Gladstone laid his addictive soul bare, while Dan O'Brien rants about midgets for some reason.

6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turns Women Off

It's amazing our species made it this far.

Notable Comment:

"Confidence, by the way, doesn't mean thinking you can f**k anyone in the room. That's arrogance. Confidence is the self-esteem and willpower to do what you think is right. "

Good advice? In the comments section? Ceyla must be up to something.

6 Depraved Sexual Fetishes That Are Older Than You Think

Perversion is the only constant in human society.

Notable Comment:

Read the comments section to learn way too damn much about the sexual habits of our commenters!

5 Animals That Are Terrifyingly Hard to Kill

We never thought we'd be jealous of a jellyfish.

Notable Comment:

"Although the jellyfish doesn't die of old age, it can be eaten, can die of didease or from natural cataclisms. In fact, in the wild very few creatures die of old age, so it's immortality it's not a big difference. "

You're right, Libertariandude, functional immortality is in no way significant or interesting.

The 7 Ballsiest Pranks You Won't Believe Actually Worked

Some people take April 1st too far.

Notable Comment:

"Hello everyone! I am a super rich multi-millionaire and I have decided to buy everyone a new car! Please go to your nearest Mercedes-Benz dealer and let them know you are here to collect your free car. Just tell them Hugh Jackman sent you. "

You better be on the level, Rockadoodie.

6 Horrifying Implications of Awesome Fantasy Movie Universes

Yeah, but what about all the intangible benefits of being an orc?

Notable Comment:

"Pandora- you are taking a scenario from one culture (one night stand), imposing it on another culture where it probably would not occur, speculating on the implications, then drawing conclusions... weaksauce"

Ahahahahahahahaha. Folstar, you just made our week!

Scott Gairdner
If Juggalos Got Their Own News Channel
A terrible world.

If Online April Fool's Pranks Had Balls
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Disastrous Real World Uses of Fictional Technology

The First Time You Use The Nintendo 3DS
Like cartoons? And money? Every week Cracked's favorite artist Ben Driscoll puts up a new cartoon that YOU can finish. The winner gets $50 and everlasting Internet fame. Next week's contest is Google vs China.
Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.


"I just got back from the doctor honey, we're going to have a boy!" "...are you f**king serious?!"
by Ceveron

Editor's pick:

Last known whereabouts of every missing child for a three county radius.
by ESToledo


From Broadway's upcoming 'Saw: The Musical'.
by amjschmitz

Editor's pick:

Even after being decapitated in a horrible accident, Lianna still felt the need to hit the treadmill.
by LewScannon


Cannabis Prime never made it to the audition for the Transformer movie.
by Jokester

Editor's pick:

"My other car is a meth-lab!"
by Rhymenstein


San Francisco Stonehenge
by davestuckey

Editor's pick:

OK, fuck you IKEA. I'm not putting this shit together.
by Joey_09876


"Danger" is Sam's middle name. Of course, "Unnecessary" is his first name. His last name is "Jones", which isn't particularly relevant to this picture.
by Julius_Goat

Editor's pick:

by noreport


Pants sold separately.
by Me_No_Funny

Editor's pick:

Sad thing is, I don't think we can blame Japan for this one
by Joey_09876


There is a number for this position, but you need to use calculus.
by Julius_Goat

Editor's pick:

Stuff like this always looks demeaning when I'm not involved in it.
by LewScannon

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