Cracked Round-Up: April Fool's Edition!
Yet another April Fool's day has come and gone. This year was much more subdued than it usually is. Most of the credit for that is due to the new "pipe bombs do not count as pranks" policy from corporate. The medical bills were cutting too far into our bottom line.
groundbreaking article on human/zombie relations by Ian Fortey. Next, Bucholz advised our readers on scorin' wit da ladies. Cody mused over Seth MacFarlane's next move, while Seanbaby took on the fertile topic of boastful bullshit. Gladstone laid his addictive soul bare, while Dan O'Brien rants about midgets for some reason.
|6 Things Men Do To Get Laid That Science Says Turns Women Off
It's amazing our species made it this far.
"Confidence, by the way, doesn't mean thinking you can f**k anyone in the room. That's arrogance. Confidence is the self-esteem and willpower to do what you think is right. "
Good advice? In the comments section? Ceyla must be up to something.
|6 Depraved Sexual Fetishes That Are Older Than You Think
Perversion is the only constant in human society.
Read the comments section to learn way too damn much about the sexual habits of our commenters!
|5 Animals That Are Terrifyingly Hard to Kill
We never thought we'd be jealous of a jellyfish.
"Although the jellyfish doesn't die of old age, it can be eaten, can die of didease or from natural cataclisms. In fact, in the wild very few creatures die of old age, so it's immortality it's not a big difference. "
You're right, Libertariandude, functional immortality is in no way significant or interesting.
|The 7 Ballsiest Pranks You Won't Believe Actually Worked
Some people take April 1st too far.
"Hello everyone! I am a super rich multi-millionaire and I have decided to buy everyone a new car! Please go to your nearest Mercedes-Benz dealer and let them know you are here to collect your free car. Just tell them Hugh Jackman sent you. "
You better be on the level, Rockadoodie.
|6 Horrifying Implications of Awesome Fantasy Movie Universes
Yeah, but what about all the intangible benefits of being an orc?
"Pandora- you are taking a scenario from one culture (one night stand), imposing it on another culture where it probably would not occur, speculating on the implications, then drawing conclusions... weaksauce"
Ahahahahahahahaha. Folstar, you just made our week!
|If Juggalos Got Their Own News Channel
A terrible world.
YOU YOU YOU!
|If Online April Fool's Pranks Had Balls
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Disastrous Real World Uses of Fictional Technology
YOU YOU YOU!
|The First Time You Use The Nintendo 3DS
"I just got back from the doctor honey, we're going to have a boy!" "...are you f**king serious?!"
Last known whereabouts of every missing child for a three county radius.
From Broadway's upcoming 'Saw: The Musical'.
Even after being decapitated in a horrible accident, Lianna still felt the need to hit the treadmill.
Cannabis Prime never made it to the audition for the Transformer movie.
"My other car is a meth-lab!"
San Francisco Stonehenge
OK, fuck you IKEA. I'm not putting this shit together.
"Danger" is Sam's middle name. Of course, "Unnecessary" is his first name. His last name is "Jones", which isn't particularly relevant to this picture.
I DONT CARE! I HAVE HEALTHCARE NOW!
Pants sold separately.
Sad thing is, I don't think we can blame Japan for this one
There is a number for this position, but you need to use calculus.
Stuff like this always looks demeaning when I'm not involved in it.