By the way, this is the guy we're talking about.
There was also video of him masturbating in front of traffic while wearing a mask, waving a gun at people while naked and digging a hole to literally f**k the ground. That has to be the pinnacle of messed up boning, right? Screwing the earth itself? Well we can say that he's not the first guy to get caught doing it, so maybe it's a thing. Who are we to judge?
A man from southwest Scotland apparently decided, while looking at his bike, that he wanted to ride it all night long, and in ways that would make Lance Armstrong weep tears of pure terror.
This, presumably, was not a problem for anyone until the night that two cleaning ladies for a local hostel walked in on a sight far more horrifying than anything Eli Roth could come up with: The 51-year-old Scottish man, with trou fully dropped, was "riding" a bike in a way that God never intended.
It has 10 speeds, all of them are sexy as hell.
Oh, and did we mention that he stopped, knowing he was caught in one of the most awkward situations ever, acknowledged the cleaners in the room, and then continued gettin' it on? Whether that is dedication, determination or retardation, it was probably backed with the thoughts and hopes that today would be the day he would get lucky and finally have that M-F-F-Bike orgy he always longed for.
It didn't take long for them to call the cops, who booked his ass on charges of sexual breach of the peace, which we assume is Europe-speak for making everyone at the station say "What the f**k?" and "Holy s**t eww!" He ended up pulling a page out of the celebrity "I fucked up big time" book and chalked it up to alcohol instead of that funny feeling he got in his pants when he saw a tricycle when he was a child.