3One Thousand and One Nights Is Orgy-riffic
Paul Emile Detouche
One Thousand and One Nights is a frame tale about a king who witnesses his wife cheating on him. He sentences her to death and swears to never be cuckolded again. To avoid this scenario, he marries a virgin every day, sleeps with her at night, and executes her in the morning, because apparently nobody had a problem with that back then.
After the dead wives start piling up, the king finally marries a new wife who staves off her demise by telling him an elaborate story with a cliffhanger every night. He's so intrigued that he lets her live only so that he can hear the end of the story. This continues for, you guessed it, 1,001 nights -- 1,001 nights of thrilling adventures, starring such famed characters as Sinbad and Aladdin.
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Truly one of the greatest characters of myth.
Oh, and also 1,001 nights of screwball sexcapades. One character who will definitely not be receiving a Disney cartoon anytime soon is the cuckolded snoozing demon. Later in Nights, we meet a demon's wife, who cheats on her monstrous husband whenever he sleeps and wants the aforementioned king and the king's brother to diddle her. The men are so scared of the demon that they tell her they're just too damn flaccid. Unsatisfied, she says she'll wake the demon and have him eat them if they don't both ram-jam her right then and there. After this galvanizing sexual pep talk, the brothers comply, but carefully watch the demon the whole time they're porking his wife. She responds by grinning at her sleeping hubby-demon every time she has an orgasm.
The worst part is that she faked half of them just to be an ass.
After this menage-a-trois out of hell, the demon's wife demands their rings as tokens and reveals a purse of 98 other such rings, all from men she fucked while her husband slept a few feet away. This is proof positive that modern doctors must prescribe slumbering demons as a cure for erectile dysfunction.
Also, remember how the king was cheated on? That was actually an orgy between the queen, her handmaids, and 11 slaves, which the king watched. Look, we're not telling a king what to do when his wife is cheating on him with a sex party, but it's not exactly poor etiquette to jump out shouting "A-ha!" rather than watching the whole damn thing.
"Well, I didn't want to be rude."
2Anne Frank's Detailed Sex Talk Freaks Out Uptight Parents
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Considered one of the most important books of the 20th century, The Diary of a Young Girl cataloged the innermost thoughts of teenager Anne Frank as she hid with her family for two years in an office building during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. This private diary detailed her fears, her coldness toward her mother, and her family's daily struggles to remain unseen. So why the hell is it on this list?
Well, it was also a private diary of a teenage girl as she went through puberty. And yes, all those italics are very necessary.
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"I'm just glad tens of millions of strangers will never read these private thoughts."
Anne Frank never assumed that anyone would read her diary. The majority of the book is absolutely focused on the Nazi occupation, but there are certain other parts where the author ponders her developing body. There are the detailed descriptions Frank gives of her own genitalia, namely exploratory passages like "There are little folds of skin all over the place, you can hardly find it," "I simply can't imagine how a man can get in there," and "The hole is so small you can't even put your index finger in."
Hey, she called it like she saw it.
Once the war was over, Otto Frank, Anne's father, edited the diary for publication. He kept roughly 70 percent of the original text, while removing references to sex and anecdotes about Anne's mom being a shitty parent. But the unedited version became available later, and some parents have complained to school boards about the book's sexual content. Yes, it's far more upsetting to hear a teenager frankly discuss puberty than her impending internment and genocide.
You know who else had a problem with certain books?