Morbius
We're going to begin with a complete sentence. Subject, verb, punctuation. We're pretty sure all the words all spelled correctly. Aaaaand…there. We've kept it together longer than Morbius.
Yes, 2022's Jared Leto vampire vehicle Morbius, a movie people saw, absolutely rules. Obviously not as much as it would if the titular Morbius had buttholes in his hands, just cute little bloodsucking sphincter puckering out of his palms. No, Morbius rules because it's inexplicable. Nothing could stop this movie: not a global pandemic, not someone reading the script and thinking, not Marvel and Sony's weird character-sharing, not even Jared Leto's Jared Leto-ness. This movie, 2022's Morbius, seemed moribund for years, stoking our morbid curiosity long enough for us to stop watering the moringa plants down at the mortuary and mosey on down our local morbi-plex…okay, now we're off the rails. Join us by reading more below:
4 Ways Modern Sci-Fi Movies Hate You (VIDEO)
Or at least hate life.
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- By Jordan Breeding, Dan Fritschie
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6 How 'Morbius' Goes Off The Rails Minutes Into The Movie
Things were already terrible while most people were still getting popcorn.
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- By JM McNab
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'Morbius' Has A Dumb And Pointless 'Halo' Easter Egg
Morbius Didn't Want To Become A Vampire, He Wanted To Become Master Chief From 'Halo'.
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- By Tiago Svn
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Absolutely Nobody Is Seeing ‘Morbius’ Judging From Ticket Sales
Word of mouth was like garlic to this movie.
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- By JM McNab
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4 Stupidest Things Actors Have Done In The Name Of Method Acting
The great Brian Cox called Method Acting the “American disease” and he couldn’t be more correct.
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- By Zanandi Botes
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The 5 Most Inexplicable Parts Of Jared Leto's 'Morbius'
From cat poop confusion to the dumbest post-credits scenes in superhero movie history.
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- By Maxwell Yezpitelok
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15 'Morbius' Easter Eggs To Sink Our Teeth Into
This movie has darkness, atmosphere, and more references than you can sink your teeth into.
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- By Andres Diplotti, Tara Marie
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6 Stupid Ways The '90s 'Spider-Man' Cartoon Censored Morbius (And Others)
How do you do a vampire character in a show without blood? You get, uh, creative.
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- By Maxwell Yezpitelok
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'Morbius' And Marvel And Sony's Weird History Of Sharing Spider-Man Characters
Into the Sony-verse.
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- By JM McNab
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What We Know About Sony's 'Spider-Man' Universe So Far
Looking at all of Sony's Spider-Man movies (without Spider-Man).
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- By Maxwell Yezpitelok
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Marvel's Bizarre History With Vampires
Quick, read this before the 'Morbius' movie inflicts Jared Leto on us all.
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- By Jon Hogan
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Hey, Remember When Morbius had Buttholes in His Hands?
Eat your heart out, Cronenberg!
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- By JM McNab
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