We're going to begin with a complete sentence. Subject, verb, punctuation. We're pretty sure all the words all spelled correctly. Aaaaand…there. We've kept it together longer than Morbius.
Yes, 2022's Jared Leto vampire vehicle Morbius, a movie people saw, absolutely rules. Obviously not as much as it would if the titular Morbius had buttholes in his hands, just cute little bloodsucking sphincter puckering out of his palms. No, Morbius rules because it's inexplicable. Nothing could stop this movie: not a global pandemic, not someone reading the script and thinking, not Marvel and Sony's weird character-sharing, not even Jared Leto's Jared Leto-ness. This movie, 2022's Morbius, seemed moribund for years, stoking our morbid curiosity long enough for us to stop watering the moringa plants down at the mortuary and mosey on down our local morbi-plex…okay, now we're off the rails. Join us by reading more below: