After the successes of both Venom and Joker, we're guessing there's no end in sight for the solo supervillain origin story. Now we're getting a movie all about the literally suckiest Spider-Man villain, Morbius The Living Vampire. And if the new trailer is to be believed, the only appearance from Spidey comes in the form of artwork from a PS4 game because with great power, comes great corporate synergy.

Morbius stars former Joker Jared Leto, and a supporting cast that probably got FedEx-ed bags of blood in the middle of the night. However, some fans might have a slightly different image of Morbius in their heads. In the beloved '90s Spider-Man cartoon, the censors wouldn't allow children to be traumatized by a blood-sucking vampire. So the writers came up with a whole new way to traumatize children. Instead of sucking blood out of a victim's neck, the cartoon Morbius would "absorb plasma" through multiple puckering butthole-like pores in his hands ...

Hey, Remember When Morbius had Buttholes in His Hands?
Fox

... While his victims looked as they'd been face-hickeyed to death.

X FO
Fox

We've mentioned before how the series was filled with odd creative decisions necessitated by the strict censorship rules, including laser-wielding cops and the fact that Spider-Man wasn't allowed to punch anyone. Hell, they gave Blade a friggin' lightsaber. But here it completely backfired. The show was trying to shield children from disturbing material and ended up giving them a Cronenbergian Rule 34 orifice monster every Saturday morning.

If you want to witness this abomination for yourselves, apparently the whole series is on Disney+. Or you could watch the X-Men cartoon, where the only dumb buttholes are Gambit and Cyclops.

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