Hey, Remember When Morbius had Buttholes in His Hands?

After the successes of both Venom and Joker, we're guessing there's no end in sight for the solo supervillain origin story. Now we're getting a movie all about the literally suckiest Spider-Man villain, Morbius The Living Vampire. And if the new trailer is to be believed, the only appearance from Spidey comes in the form of artwork from a PS4 game because with great power, comes great corporate synergy.

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Morbius stars former Joker Jared Leto, and a supporting cast that probably got FedEx-ed bags of blood in the middle of the night. However, some fans might have a slightly different image of Morbius in their heads. In the beloved '90s Spider-Man cartoon, the censors wouldn't allow children to be traumatized by a blood-sucking vampire. So the writers came up with a whole new way to traumatize children. Instead of sucking blood out of a victim's neck, the cartoon Morbius would "absorb plasma" through multiple puckering butthole-like pores in his hands ...

Hey, Remember When Morbius had Buttholes in His Hands?Fox

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... While his victims looked as they'd been face-hickeyed to death.

Hey, Remember When Morbius had Buttholes in His Hands?Fox

We've mentioned before how the series was filled with odd creative decisions necessitated by the strict censorship rules, including laser-wielding cops and the fact that Spider-Man wasn't allowed to punch anyone. Hell, they gave Blade a friggin' lightsaber. But here it completely backfired. The show was trying to shield children from disturbing material and ended up giving them a Cronenbergian Rule 34 orifice monster every Saturday morning.

If you want to witness this abomination for yourselves, apparently the whole series is on Disney+. Or you could watch the X-Men cartoon, where the only dumb buttholes are Gambit and Cyclops.

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