Ancient Egypt

Cracked's Sylvester character in mummy wraps next to the Sphinx of ancient Egypt.

Ancient Egypt is so old (…how old is it?) that the word “ancient” almost feels disrespectful. The genius engineers who designed the pyramids, the real people (not aliens) who dragged the stones across sand, and the Pharaohs buried in those grandiose tombs were ancient by the time Jesus was around. That's part of why Ancient Egypt continues to fascinate us today: this civilization was so advanced, they not only built one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, it's the only surviving Wonder. Put some respect on Ancient Egypt's name. At least more respect than The Mummy, anyway.

We're big fans of ol' King Tut and the gang got up to along the banks of the Nile for more centuries than seems possible. They built a Suez Canal before the Suez Canal. Their god/goddess pantheon is fascinating, and not only because Osiris, Isis, Set, and Horus had some kinks that would make a Targaryan blush. Their predilection for sending the dead off to the afterlife with snacks ("meat mummies") reminds us of our grandmothers packing turkey sandwiches on road trips. Speaking of eating, we would like to state for the record that while we love all things Ancient Egypt, we don't recommend eating mummies. That's colonizer behavior. We recommend reading about Ancient Egypt, not eating it. Which is great, because we happen to have a whole bunch of reading material just below this paragraph!



The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes from Important Cultural Myths

If you've spent time studying history at all, you probably already know that depraved sex acts are to religion as rock star groupies from the '70s are to depraved sex acts. In other words, they go hand in hand. Or hand in some other body part, depending on who we're talking about.

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