Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

Why did ye chicken cross ye road?
Ancient Jokes You'll Laugh, Not Eyeroll At

Cracked pays people to make smart memes. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get in on it.

We tend to regard our ancestors with a certain reverence. They were resourceful, they were scrappy, they managed to run from predators long enough to sire some offspring. One thing we don't give them credit for is having a sense of humor. They weren't just scratching out dad jokes. Old writing is packed with legitimately sophisticated humor.

For example:

16th-century humor was thirstier than you think. A gentleman taking his leave of his mistress said: I kiss your hands and your feet. She answered:
In Aristophanes' Lysistrata, written 2, 400 years go, the women go on a sex strike, and not all of them like it. WOMAN Oh, I simply must run home this
Lighting farts was already funny in the 18th century. I'th' int'rim, fond of mischief telling, The rainbow-goddess flies to Helen: Most modern farts I
CRACKEDCO COM Poggio Bracciolini was the Pope's secretary - and he wrote a book of dirty jokes. In Florence, young somewhat of a woman, simpleton, the
CRACKEDCON The British of old waxed poetic about dirty riddles. Splendidly it hangs by a man's thigh, under the master's cloak. In front is hole. a It
GRACKEDCON Aristophanes foresaw Brian from Family Guy 2, .400 years ago. In The Wasps, a dog is taken to trial for stealing a Sicilian cheese. A defen
CRACKED Emperor Augustus was a real jokester. When Galba, whose body was deformed by a hump on his back, was pleading before him and a case kept sayin
CRACKEDO ST. LOUIS WOLVES Homer did Who's on first long before Abbott and Costello. In The Odyssey, Odysseus tells a cyclops his name is Outis, No
In the Satyricon (1st century CE), an older man seduces his host's son. At first the boy rebuffs him: Either you go to sleep or I'll call father! Bu
Philogelos, written in the 4th century CE, is the world's oldest collection of jokes. A witty student sold his books when he was short of money. He th
CRACKEDcO Aristophanes' The clouds likens thunder to farts. Yes, yes, by Apollo I suffer, I get colic, then the stew sets to rumbling like thunder and
CRACKED.COM APPENDIX. 153 2222222222222. Timothy Dexter 99999 ??? trolled grammar lovers. 36_ In 1802, self-proclaimed Lord Dexter published A Pick
Cicero was telling lame dad jokes 2, .000 years ago. e Cicero, seeing his son-in-law (a man of small stature) passing by with a large sword by his siD
Shakespeare joked about cunnilingus. PETRUCHIO Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail. KATHERINE In his tongue. PETRUCHIO Whose t
Taking potshots at your wife wasn't invented by modern comedians. A woman- paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him
Doctor, doctor jokes go back to Roman times. Doctor, when I awake from sleep I have a dizziness for half hour. an The physician replied, Awake afte
Shakespeare is highbrow today, but the bard wasn't above making yo mama'': jokes. I CHIRON Thou hast undone our mother. AARON Villain, I have done t
CRACKEDG COM Did you hear the one about the Roman Emperor? A man came to Rome and caused everyone to turn their heads because he looked SO similar to
CRACKED CO Rent in Rome was already too damn high 1.900 years ago. You might buy excellent house Sora, an at Fabrateria, or Frusino, for one year's re
Aristophanes was making poop jokes 2, 400 years ago. In the opening scene of the play Peace, two very grossed- out servants knead shit cakes to feed a
CRACKED CON The 5th century CE had its own Or are you just happy to see me? line. HERALD I herald, of I am swear I a course, am, and I come from Spa
Sitcom jokes were already a thing 200 years ago. In John Tobin's play The Honey Moon (1805), a man reverses his anti-marriage stance after meeting a w
CRACKED CO Remember the Dead Parrot sketch? There was once a joke about a dead slave. & The slave you sold died. me By the gods, replied the other
The world's oldest joke is a fart joke. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young did woman not fart in her husband's embrace.
CRACKEDCO COM The Bible features dick size comparisons. When King Rehoboam is asked to lower his father's taxes, his buddies advise him to reply: My
Scroll down for the next article

Must Read

VIRAL ON CRACKED

A WEEKLY
NEWSLETTER OF
JOKES + TRIVIA

Forgot Password?