Weird, Real Advice From Your Weird, Real Dad

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If it weren't for our dads, we wouldn't be here. We also wouldn't be as confused. Well-intended as they may be, fathers have a way of dispensing steaming advice nuggets that are at best baffling and at worst dangerous.

Here are some of the least helpful pieces of advice your actual dads actually gave you. With thanks to burritomouth, whose suggestion for this contest was good advice.

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Entry by Chan Teik Onn

My dad, on driving: Drive fast. The shorter the time you take to reach your destination, the less chance there is for you to get into an accident Fo

26
Entry by Sonny Time

My dad told me to 3B always carry cash in case of emergency.. 383Q FRANKLN DDOLAE VISA Mastercard Ln but always use a credit card in emergencies to hi

25
Entry by AmyanBridi

When it's time to ride, make sure to strap in. CRAGh mistake mistake mistake mistake nistake You don't wanna make the same mistake 'I' did. And yes,

24

CRACKEDC COM When you see a hot woman, honk to get her attention. Women like it when a man makes a big fuss over them.

23

CRAGKED.CON My dad: It's better to be 'the guy who says dumb things' than it is to be 'the shy guy.

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Entry by Chan Teik Onn

I once complained to my dad about the injustice I had faced at work and how it was weighing me down. My dad gave me this advice: You won't get anythi

21

CRACKED.COM Don't leave your house with your wallet. Just bring what you need to get through the day. Bringing it with you is the fastest Way to losi

20
Entry by CornishPlasty

Don't forget to check your oil and tires three GRAGN times a week. M T W Th F OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK Ok OK OK OK GET OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK OK

19
Entry by Chan Teik Onn

On the day of my marriage, my dad gave me some advice on how to preserve my love for my wife: When your wife reaches an age where she is no longer at

18
Entry by Kristina Yong

My friends and E were relaxing in my living room when my dad suddenly came in and yelled... Don't let anyone trick you into becoming a scientist! Ign

When was a teenager, my dad used to tell me to be sure to make friends with girls my older brother could date. Because sibling datability is a super-g

16
Entry by LAJL

If you're going to do something stupid, don't get caught. You'll only be in trouble if you get caught.

15
Entry by LAJL

When 0 was still living with my parents, my dad never missed a chance to tell me Don't get pregnant before went out even when I was only going to wa

14
Entry by Kristina Yong

When was very young, I ate some nuts and immediately had a severe allergic reaction. My dad looked me right in the red, swollen face, and said, There

13

CRACKEDo COM 1 rye Dry Drive D Io uDon't write any of your ideas down. If it's a good idea, you'll rememberi it; if you don't, it can't have been such

12

MY DAD'S ADVICE TO me AS A new PARENT: DOGTORS THESE DAYS PReSCRIBE WAY TOOMUCH medicine TO BABIES. IF THE BABY woN'T CALM DOWn, JUST DIP THE PACIFIE

11
Entry by Busteq

Never trust a woman when she says she can't have children. This is the advice my dad gave me after explaining that... 1. My mom was divorcing him. 2

10

My dad's advice to my sister when she went drinking for the first time was like a half-assed Nike commercial: JUST DO IT... BUT DON'T OVERDO IT. CRa

9
Entry by Busteq

Coke is used to disinfect toilets, so you can use it to clean wounds 7 He advised as he poured soda on my scraped knee. CRACKED

8
Entry by nomination

Baby girls are shy, so make sure you expoSE yours to as many people as you can. That way she will get comfortable around others and grow up to be a s

7

Always put your cigarette butts out in your beer cans. The extra weight will make them worth more when you go to the recycling center each month. CR

6
Entry by Chan Teik Onn

CRACKEDc COM My dad once got called into my principal's office because I threw my bully's pencil case into drain. a On our way back home, he said to m

5
Entry by LAJL

On my first day at a new job, my dad told me, Don't ever give 100% at work. Once you do, your boss will expect it every day. CRACKED COR

4
Entry by CornishPlasty

If you're going to get married, do it in the morning, because then if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. CRACKED

3

TONIGHT Do TO HANDS THINGS YOUR WITH PART AT AA meetings are a great place to meet a woman who really knows how to have a good time. CRACKED

2
Entry by JadeCampbell

CRACKEDOON Your mom and I have renewed our passions with erotic tea. You and your husband should try some!

1
Entry by LAJL

The other day, I overheard my dad tell my brother, You are too dumb to be stupid. Study more. CRACKED COM