Humanity has spent more than a century trying to figure out the best way to stop a tank, and so far, the best solution is "call it fat until it gets a self-esteem problem."
"Oh yeah, modern tanks can take a beating," Albert brags. "There are three types of kills on a tank. M kill, which is a mobility kill (the tank can't move, but it can shoot); firepower kill (so it can move but not shoot); and K kill (which means everyone is dead). Mobility kill isn't too hard to do, but the others are a lot harder. There isn't much the insurgents have that can do damage to us. An RPG is nothing. Old Russian anti-tank stuff would only work if it hits us just right. As for IEDs, they would have to be huge to do any real damage."
We nuked a tank once. Its plates bent, slightly.
We're talking about at least two dumpsters' worth of explosives here, and the driver would probably see those dumpsters long before you pushed them into place. They tend to stand out in the desert. And that's assuming that you survive long enough to strike at the tank. Which isn't exactly the tank operator's prerogative.
"The rounds we fired from the C2 weighed about 40 lbs," Albert told us. "There are hesh (high explosive squash head), sabot (big ass anti-armor dart), white phosphorus smoke, canister (like a huge shotgun shell), and heat (high explosive rounds.) They're also accurate to about 2.5 miles."
Cpl Wes Calder RLC/MOD
Stay tuned for our follow-up article: 6 Things I Sent To Valhalla While At Work.
Yeah, you don't even need to be in the same zip code as the guy whose shit you're about to ruin. "One time, we blew up an IED factory because they figured it was too booby-trapped to try to walk into. I blew the turret off an old tank in Germany during my training, so that was pretty cool. Oh, and I shot a tree down with one round from a mile away."
Uh-oh ... we can feel the mouth explosions coming on again ...
Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at email@example.com.
What's The Best Fictional School To Attend? In the muggle world, we're not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually, we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live, or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. Join Jack, Daniel, and the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey and Steven Wilber, as they figure out if it's a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts, with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as Screech. Get your tickets here!
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