The Romantic Drama Is Endless, Brutal, and Tragic
Animal love triangles are slightly less sexy than those in Twilight (only slightly, though). We had one female Asian starling that was obsessed with a male; the only problem was that he already had a mate. He'd ignore her season after season and produce offspring with his current partner until, for one season, he decided to shack up with both females. It was going great for a while, just livin' the old Three's Company dream, but whenever an egg would hatch two or three days later, the chick would disappear. For a while we thought it was one of the larger birds raiding the nest. Then we realized the mistress female was taking the babies (even her own) out of the nest and feeding them to the other birds. Not killing them herself, just dropping them off in front of the larger birds' grounds, baiting them to commit her crimes. If they ever make a movie out of this compelling drama, I sure hope Glenn Close is comfortable playing a bird.
"I AM NOT GOING TO BE IGNORED!"
The soap opera dynamic was everywhere: We had fruit doves that would take turns sitting and feeding, but at some point during incubation the male would forget his partner and suddenly attack her. Boom: evil mate and amnesia -- two soap opera cliche birds with one stone. When the eggs did hatch, the show got dark ... sweeps week dark.
The way our cages were set up, the breeding stall for the parents had access to the outside aviary. One of the doves' young daughters couldn't make direct contact with Daddy, but she could see him all the time, and eventually she fell in love with him. The flirting got so bad that Daddy stopped sitting on his next brood of eggs so he could watch his own child's sexy fan dance. Mom wasn't innocent in all this, either: She was infatuated with an imperial pigeon who weighed 10 times as much as her. She would often flirt with the pigeon when not locked in with her mate. The whole family was one well-timed sex tape away from having their own reality show on E!
Robert Evans runs the Cracked Personal Experience article team. You can reach him here with your story.
Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article.
Related Reading: Cracked talks to a lot of cool people, including this 911 dispatcher and a Disneyworld employee. We got a Dominatrixes perspective on sexual fetishes and even had a look inside Guantanamo Bay. Ever wondered about life inside a mental institution? We've talked to someone there, too. Got a story of your own to tell Cracked? Hit us up.