24 of the Funniest Tweets from October 24, 2023

Having a golden retriever boyfriend comes with great responsibility
24 of the Funniest Tweets from October 24, 2023

OnlyFans, the website that’s no stranger to cumming, is getting a different dose of Cummings in November. Namely, Whitney Cummings is bringing her next stand-up special, which was recorded in front of a sold-out Comedy Store crowd back in September, to OFTV, the free streaming service operated by the adult platform. This isn’t the first time Cummings and OnlyFans have come together either. She previously created an original comedy series, Whitney Cummings Presents, for OFTV in April, which included roasts of Bert Kreischer and Cummings herself. Kreischer’s roast, allegedly OFTV’s most-watched episode, featured comedic burnings from Ke$haTom Segura, Donnell Rawlings and more. 

Another famous female comedian made money moves this summer to the tune of $25,000. Nikki Glaser joined Kelly Clarkson on her talk show and opened up about redirecting money she would have spent on freezing her eggs toward tickets to nine stops on Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. Glaser explained that the tour “fills (her) life up with so much joy,” adding, “I’m in my late 30s. I just feel like, I don’t have kids, and I did the math, and if I had kids, I’d be paying for dance camp and swim lessons.” And so, she said “fuck them kids” and decided to shake it off instead. 

Meanwhile, for the very low cost of zero dollars, you can enjoy some of the funniest tweets Twitter has to offer. Today’s hilarious tweets include those about a dog that never dies, a budget bursting at the seams and the best garlic and ibuprofen recipe you’ll ever find.

juju $ @ayeejuju 17h for everyone who already beat the whole Spider-Man 2 $ game 764 4,474 67.4K 5.8M
juju $ @ayeejuju 16h ... it takes a lot of courage to be that dog S @Hoodville 237 5,692 46.4K 2.9M
timmygami eyes @deliclit 17h hiiiiii do you wanna play a gameeee Jepsen GarlyRae 65 611 29K 1
Mina Kimes @minakimes. 1 11h ... 99% of the replies: H IU Dylan Hornik @_Hornik_ 15h You gotta be a sick person to enjoy the Astros downfall 71 651 11.2K 875K
@buffys . 1h ... ani @cshbur MICK JAGGER IS A REAL PERSON??? 01:40 • 2 26/12/2022 3,094 Views 49 Likes 1 Retweet 1 Quote Tweet essie @lisakaysen .1d Replying to @cshbur ani.. del 158 1 ani @cshbur. 1d thought maroon 5 made him up del 152 1 38 664 17.1K 9
big diesel @JustBoysLaughin - 5h I wish I had a kid that looked like this on retainer to follow me around and say facts when I talk to people 9 295 67.2K 3,431
Classical Studies Memes for Hellenistic Teens 1d ... ... textpostgiant mantises are the closest living thing to centaurs luxtempestas www.theoi.com hello-kitty-senpai it checks out but dont ever say it again 12 1,645 16.7K 387K
Miss Kam @HEYMISSKAM. 15h oh they fresh off the ass Chef Anthony Thomas @ChefAnthonyDC.22h ON TODAYS MENU: Ох tails.....what should I make? 186 3,225 21.6K 1.1M
Amanda Brooke Perrin @brookeperrin 16h The vet called my 7 yr old dog a senior today which is impossible because she's just a baby?? like... she &i discuss it often abt how she is just a tiny little baby ...?? ... 74 2,255 43.5K del 876K
GEPT stoned cold fox @roastmalone_. 12h ... so many of you want a golden retriever boyfriend but are you strong enough to old yeller him when the time comes 122 5,509 56.3K du 2M
non aesthetic things @Pictu... .99 ... Must lett TOM Pick cnion I spent 5 minutes trying to figure out who Tom is, and what his onion picking skills have to do with my sandwich 399 3,482 73.4K 6.1M
Nick @MilkmanNick·1 1d ... 3 him: you better not be cunty ice cream when I get back me: Ali Mode 23 1,211 14.1K 484K
nadja @vscoslayer 18h ... ashtrays on the back of lecture chairs... an artifact of a beautiful era... i have a dream of a day when whole rows of students can once again learn with a pencil in one hand and cigarette in the other... L الالاتر 4= & a Daby of & 8 417 4,013 129K
YR @YelhsamiiH 19h I just know you shitted up your back like an infant after eating this. Ken TM @officialkennn_ . 1 1d I gotta thing for you n I can't let go Airts da 1M 187 2,686 14.2K
depths of wikipedia @depths... 12h ... WIKIPEDIA The free File:Lego sex 2.jpg From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Source I created this work entirely by myself. 48 1,441 16.7K 462K
t****y @areyoufuckingfr.13h ... 242spann جهال Whole house mad 4 337 4,501 84.7K
UGLY PRIMO @uglyprimo . 21h ... The costume party is cancelled Me: 23 3,318 24.4K 873K
caulksleeve @caulkslee... 18h ... think of this like monthly girard Follow 5 ibuprofen 2 garlic girard Follow Try my recipe boy 21,622 notes 3 344 3,401 55.8K
KBS Natalie @jbfan911-15h The invite for my friends bday Friday, Nov. 3rd: 7:30-11:30pm YOU WILL LEAVE BY MIDNIGHT 5 104 2,814 del 142K
@funnecfox.20h ... y'all my cousin is 15 and couldn't join a protest so she just went to one on roblox bro i'm crying 104 7,860 96.6K 3M
bethany @fiImgal.19h he's so... + + 13.2K 13.2K This Dune Look Things I Ate and Survived ... 280 280 99 4,382 56.1K 1.3M
Jelani @JJayLani 14h ... How tight my budget is for the rest of the year ease Ensure Th Carry-On Items Fit Within The Space Below Ided Garment Bag Size Under Seat Bag Size 88 17.6K 53.5K 1.7M
niccoya @niccoyat 18h ... I showed this to my great-grandma because she's had her dog for around 40+ years.. why she just tell me that she's just been replacing the dog & naming it the same thing everytime it dies?? Daily Loud @DailyLoud. 1d Bobi the world's oldest dog dies at 31 UNIVERSITY EL I CERTIFICATE - 451 II - 392 7,563 109K 5.2M
Grace @gracecamille_ 15h ... when my pregnant friend pulled me aside and was like I just wanted to get ahead of this.. we're naming her Grace but it's not after you. It has nothing to do with you 105 2,444 65.2K 1.8M
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