26 of the Funniest Tweets from the Week of September 11, 2023

It’s been a busy week for Drew Barrymore and Bill Maher, both of whom announced their return to the airwaves despite the ongoing writers’ and actors’ strikes. Each has spun their own self-indulgent narrative that they’re doing it “for the little guy” — i.e., their crew members. Meanwhile, a handful of other celebrities have teamed up to auction off unique experiences that actually help the little guy without having to be a scab.

As the job market continues to fluctuate, newspaper giant Gannett is hiring writers to cover all things Beyoncé and Taylor Swift. That means if you know who runs the world or the significance behind the number 13, you might have a new career path to pursue. If pop stars aren’t your cup of tea, maybe there’s hope for a Martin Short reporter in the pipeline. Your chances of getting the gig would be better than a certain Slate writer.

The week has also given us a fine assortment of funny tweets to read in-between our own day jobs, including those about one person’s dream celebrity death match between Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle and Brick Heck from The Middle, Mitt Romney’s sad boy salmon dinner and the perfect Halloween costume for anyone looking to get married.

26

Berto @bertoa_ 13h Lawyer sending prayers is crazy Lmfaooo PHOP - HIPHOP CROWN NATI... 13h Tory Lanez is officially headed to prison & his lawyer Jose Baez didn't appear today in court with Lanez. love today. Even though I cant be there due to a prior commitment I'm praying for you A @torylanez #freetorylanez FREE 7643197 338 10.3K 79.9K 5.3M

25

one woman cult @clickholebot 22h ... trying something out we should go as a bride and groom for halloween and to pregame the halloween party we should go to the court house and get married legally (so we have a convincing prop for the costume) Delivered 9 741 11.8K 554K

24

sydney @demiurgently· 1d ... if that's ur girl then why did my email find her well 17 7,771 54.5K du 1.6M

23

John Wakefield @VellowVpered... 1d ... this is so sad In the dining room, a 98-inch TV went up on the wall and a leather recliner landed in front of it. Romney, who didn't have many real friends in Washington, ate dinner alone there most nights, watching Ted Lasso or Better Call Saul as he leafed through briefing materials. On the day of my first visit, he showed me his freezer, which was full of salmon fillets that had been given to him by Lisa Murkowski, the senator from Alaska. Не didn't especially like salmon but found that if he put it

22

BAMBI. @theeebambi2.15h jonathan majors said 148 6,791 41.7K 961K

21

pris @pwiscila 12h them: and you better not be the snooki dog when i get home me: 24 2,651 27.1K 1.1M

20

nat. @kishkybe 3d every time this spider enters your house you just hear eminem's venom start playing DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm - 3d A new species of spider has been named Venomius tomhardyi. (Source: blog.pensoft.net/2023/09/11/the...) 2,485 24.9K 985K 48

19

Nolan @VoidOfRoses 2d Sympor الوطنية I feel like I'm being tested or something. Jenning 5:47 Cheyenne now с How often do you think about the roman empire chey 33 292 9,735 341K

18

ivy @ivyonthemove.2d reporter about to be bored as hell for 10 months every year Page Six Page Six NEW @PageSix . 2d USA Today to hire dedicated 'Beyoncé reporter' trib.al/ yrmK5qr 17 1,016 14.2K 484K

17

Megi @reaIsnowhite 3d ... What else could it mean Summer's Eye @HellsBitchen_ . 4d Girlfriend who thinks buying a house in cash literally means showing up with a suitcase of money 5 186 3,599 234K

16

Edward @riddlemytits . 3d Jimi @leFether 9/8/23 I have been nothing but weird and uncooperative to you 7 1,293 15.3K 798K

15

Маделейн . @normalmadeline 1d Paul Mescal will attend your event: $0.00 4F DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm 1d Actors, writers and directors are collaborating on a charity auction with proceeds going towards helping crew members whose healthcare benefits are currently at risk during the strike. (Source: ebay.com/e/charity/tusc...) B Zoom with MelissaRoxburgh Manifest start Josh Dallas B Bob Odenkirk David Cross will Join you Lena Dunham We Paint Mural in Your for Dinner Home $500.00 1 bid $1,225.00 $610.00 3 bids 20 bide Benefits charity 9d4h Benefits charity 9d 4h Benefits charity 9d 4h Lunch with The Handmaid's Tale Emmy- 20 Questions/20 Minutes Zoom with Winning Actress Ann Dowd S NYC Sarah Silverman $500.00 $620.00 o

14

matilda mother @amxndamichelle to everyone saying this isn't a fair fight, notice i didn't ask who would win...i just said i would like to see it matilda mother @amxndamichelle - 1d i want to see them fight 10:01 PM 19/13/23 from Earth . 344K Views 49 Reposts 11 Quotes 1,209 Likes 14 Bookmarks

13

@Chaantellie 1d REPRESENTATIVE! frank bullitt @the_blueprint.2d automated phone systems will make a boomer of anyone 146 18.5K 89K 4.6M

12

ethan @soupandreas_ 1d ... this has gotta be apple's best feature ? Social Security Number: * From Messages 533-00-1543 2 3 1 ABC DEF 4 5 6 GHI JKL MNO 7 8 9 PQRS TUV WXYZ O x 14 357 192K 11.2K

11

cant stop! @daveloach2.2 22h ... This guys about to have the best night of his life em - r/Cigarettes 4h ... 18 NSFW When you have a smoke while drinking, is it different? 17 Share 11 64 2,281 29.5K 1.2M

10

Justin Boldaji @justinboldaji 1d I can get this down to 40-50 bucks at the self checkout Ryan Florence @ryanflorence 2d I present: $100 of groceries. 18 flavor - Chex Honey Nut KIND обеlls Money Real Gs 189 2,251 54.2K 3.8M

9

Angelo Guisado @VoltaireLaFlare 2d wearing a lil outfit to work and theres literally no one in the office VETERANS YOU SERVED. NOW WHAT? RESPER US.ARMY 3 874 10.4K 283K

8

im meal @boygrrI . 18h ... if The Thing was made today it would be called They/Thing; because of wokeness 17 349 4,314 108K

7

janito @yassnito. 3h ... he's interested in dating anybody actually Pop Ting3 Pop Tingz @ThePopTingz . 4 4h Pete Davidson is reportedly interested in dating Britney Spears. VID U S A F 20 516 16K 542K

6

horse dentist @equine_dentist• 2h imagine wearing this to work in the coal mines 16 hours a day Cat &Jack carter's just one you- ore I 0-3M В F F $10.00 $10.00 12 189 2,220 67.2K

5

vanoreo @vanoreo_.. 22h ... love that there are 2 guys named homer that almost everyone on earth knows about 69 2,150 28.1K 589K

4

sample size с @clothes_mindedx- 1d ... verizon 10:27 AM 99% LIVE 6.6k acebook ~ Dee Jackson is live now. Follow 41 mins Can Y'all Watch Them While Go Smoke IVE 6.2k nope she don 'I stand in that toy Angela Tate Get down Nicole Johnson Stop playing on that damn couch Cmg Keyanna Get yo ass off that table Nala Nicole GET DOWN Get off that table... miss 190 @thisaintke.2d daycare $1,585 a month 18 1,221 3,252 345K

3

@juulcob.18h ت r/GradSchool u/cluuuuuuu 17h How to cite a dream/hallucination in APA 7th? Share 174 33 sophisticaden_ 16h What? ... Reply 96 cluuuuuuu ОР 16h | want to include something that was revealed to me in a vision in one of my research papers. But I do not know how to cite it. 232 724 1,832 39.9K

2

coolgirlonline @coolgirlOnline.2 20h ... i get the same feeling looking at this as I imagine a religious person does looking at an image of Christ on the cross 21 2,742 16.8K 475K

1

Tom Reagan's Hat @RufusTSu... 19h ... Oppenheimer hit me hard but started laughing later when I remembered what Joey Pantoliano said about creating Ralph Cifaretto's look: 'The wig I had them build as an homage to Chris Nolan, I like Chris' hair.' 20 272 - 302K 4,644

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