Everyone selling these products seems to be living in some kind of dystopian dimension where even most mundane task is a struggle. I've collected data from countless miracle washcloths and smoothie makers to compile this list of nine simple things no one in a commercial can do.
Just FYI: I know one of you, and it's just one, eats bacon-wrapped bacon every day, has sex with supermodels, and gets paid to play video games, and this article means nothing to you aside from my hilarious jokes, and that's OK. No need to comment.
It seems these tellers put their own little twists on the tale. Their insane, gut-wrenching, nightmarish twists.
Sometimes the simplest tasks are left behind by the unceasing forward march of technological development, where they sit huddled, frightened, and alone -- left to die in the vast and unforgiving tundra of obsolescence.
No matter the format, it's almost always an awful time, and if you want to be a comic, it's an awful time you have to force yourself to have over and over and over again if you ever hope to spend enough time onstage to not be terrible.
According to a dozen videos I watched in high school, peer pressure will/did ruin my life and made me butt chug heroin-laced vodka and snort all the marijuanas ever. I typed this article from my hospital bed. All teenagers are the devil.
There's a few things you should know about that 'unbiased' review you're reading.
We have no right to complain about sleeping outside a closed-down airport Chili's for a night or two -- but still, it's not exactly a pleasant experience. That's why I'm here to help you: With a few simple tips and a little preparation, you can make the best of your next travel delay.
These are stranger technicalities the world has managed to produce, along with a brief estimate on their ability to provoke sickle-delivered justice.
Rarely do you see the literal Bitch-Slapping Glove of Justice descend from the skies to smack somebody in the mouth for being a jerk.
It's time again for our most popular feature, in which we take photos that have made millions of Internet users scream 'FAKE!' and prove that they are, in fact, real.